The Untouched Heart

Chapter 84 - Giving Hope

~Hendra~

I got into the apartment, and then closed the door immediately. Only at that time did I let my fortifications collapse. I leaned against the door and fell down. Ended already. What I've been fighting for all this time I have to let go. Za doesn't love me.

Somehow I will be able to survive my life going forward, but I can no longer be selfish and force her to stay married to me. I already have Hadi and fulfill my obligations to Papa and Mama. Our family already has a successor. Now Za can live freely with the people she loves.

My left chest hurts so much as if someone squeezed it so hard. I try to catch my breath. Oh, Za. Why do I still love you after that betrayal? Why can't I hate you? I can't bear this anymore. It would have been easier had I been able to get you out of my head.

“What are you not doing wrong? When we've filed it in court, we can't back down anymore.” asked Oscar. We were discussing in my workroom.

“Destroy the agreement letter you saved. I don't want to continue it anymore. I realize that my wife has the right to decide everything on her own. Forcing her to do what I want does not make our marriage happy.” I'm giving you the documents that Za signed. “And I'm sure to divorce her.”

He looked at me for a moment. Then he sighed softly. “I will take all these documents to court. I hope you are absolutely sure of this decision.”

Discussing divorce plans, signing divorce papers, and tearing up our agreement is easy. The most difficult thing was to talk about this with Za and get her autograph. But what I fear does not happen. He didn't give me any trouble. He even signed the documents without asking much. It was as if this had been long awaited.

“Supposedly Big Brother told me.” Moments after Oscar came out, Zach sloppily walked into my study.

“I don't want to discuss anything with you. Out,” I said firmly.

“So, is that why you pretended to be out of town while you were living in your new apartment? Because Sister Ara slept with Aldo?” tanyakanya.

“Zach, it's still working hours,” I said reminding him.

“Why didn't Big Brother leave him immediately at the second Big Brother knew that he was cheating?” zach didn't understand. I looked at him in disbelief. “Why does Big Brother give hope as if Big Brother forgave him and then divorce him just like that? What exactly is Brother planning?”

“Then I have to how? Leaving her while she was pregnant with my son? I can't just think of myself. I also have to think about the safety of Za and our son. When she is depressed and sad, she can miscarry. We waited six years, Zach. Six years to meet our son!” myrag. He closed his lips.

“As far as you want to think about what my actions are. I was thinking about the best for the three of us. Hadi has been born safely, so it's a good time to part ways.” I sat back down and massaged my suddenly sore head.

“A good time to part? Doesn't Brother have a glass? Look atyou. Your circumstances are even worse than when you found out that she was having an affair.” Zach sat on one of the sofas. “If parting feels more painful, why doesn't Brother try again? Why don't you guys talk to each other and find a solution together? Don't get divorced.”

“He doesn't love me. What else am I holding out for? Let him live with his girlfriend. They are both alone. I won't be a hindrance anymore.” I clenched my hands holding back the pain of imagining them together.

“So does not love you? But his attitude all this time ..” Zach muttered to himself.

“Agreement letter?” zach didn't understand. “But Kak Ara's attitude to you ..”

“Already, Zach. Whatever you say, it's no use anymore. I'm not going to back off. Before Oscar reprimands you, you should immediately return to your study.” I stood up and walked towards my desk.

Zach's right. Everything is harder than when I was with him. I am like an undead person who keeps up the routine but loses all my senses. I no longer felt any emotions, nor could I sympathize with others.

It got worse during trial after trial that I attended, I did not meet him once. I wish I could at least see it a few times before we actually parted ways. Butno. He let the divorce proceed faster in his absence. Is he so anxious to separate from me? Doesn't he want to keep me by his side? Or is his heart really still for his lover?

“I can't believe you did that,” protest Mama who asked me to come home. I already knew that he would scold me for my decision. “He cheated and the wrong party in your marriage. You should have demanded full custody of the child.”

“Hadi is still seven months, Ma. She doesn't need me but her mama.”

“We can find a mother milk for her. There are many best babysitters who can take care of her much better than that cheap woman.”

“Za is still my wife, I don't want to hear my own mama insult her. He has indeed made a mistake but that does not mean Mama can continue to demean him,” I said firmly. “And I told you not about the mother milk or the nanny.”

“If you don't want to do it, then I will do it myself. Hadi belongs to our family, not their family.”

“Mama touch Hadi one strand of hair only, I will break the relationship with you guys.”

“By God, Hadi is my grandson!” Mama raised her voice intonation.

“Good granddaughter whose presence Mama once doubted.” I reminded him of his evil accusation. My in-laws immediately believed that Hadi was their grandson as Za answered their doubts. On the contrary, my own parents did not believe in my words and rather believed in a piece of paper. They had already lost their right to it on that day.

“He slept with another man. Why can't I doubt it?” mama asked in protest. This conversation will have no end.

“I don't want to talk about this anymore. I am Hadi's father, so I decide who can and should not touch my son. Let Za raise him,” I said firmly. “Don't meet them if you just want to hurt Za or separate her from our son. She's still breastfeeding and I don't want my son to be malnourished because his mother is sick.”

I stood up and buttoned my suit back. “You can only meet him if you promise to be nice to both of them.”

“I would rather die than be nice to the cheating woman,” Mama said with annoyance. I didn't touch him anymore and walked out of the room.

On the day of the verdict hearing, Za did not come either. I just stared at the empty chair by my side. Of course the judge granted my divorce. My wife is now free to live her life and choose the man she wants to marry. Six years is enough for me. Our beautiful memories together, though fake, were enough to strengthen me to live the rest of my life without him again.