The Untouched Heart

Chapter 65 - I Hate You

I let my tears fall down my face. My defensive fort collapsed instantly. That sentence not only she spoke with her cold face, but also with eyes that looked at me sharply filled with hatred. The words he did not say were empty. The Hendra I love so much now really hates me.

Before my legs gave up holding my own weight, I leaned against the wall. I didn't feel this before, but now I feel so dirty. That one-night mistake turned my loving husband into a hateful one. The way he looks at me is like looking at some disgusting shit.

“Are you sure we'll survive together forever like this? If you hate me so much, why not just let me go? We no longer need to hurt each other. If every time I see you get hurt, please, just end this. I can't take it anymore,” isakku.

“Not until one month, you can not afford it? Did you know that I had to face your hatred for me for six years? I look forward to you being able to repay my love for the six years we were together. I love you, adore you, crave you, pamper you for six years without ever feeling tired.

“I can't see another man touching your hand. Do you think I'm playing around by banning you from being close to any man? I'm serious, Zahara. Can't you understand the pain I have to endure hearing you give your body to someone else? And not ordinary people. That man is the one you've loved all along.

“It's okay if you can't love me yet. Why should you give your body to him? I'm the only man who's ever touched you that intimate. How you. You gave the only thing that was mine to her.

“Touching you like before and seeing you like this, is not an easy thing for me. I can't sleep with you anymore, nor can I be in the same room with you anymore. Because every time I see you, I know that you're not mine anymore. Your heart and body now belong entirely to your beloved. There is no place for me anymore.”

“I'm sorry,” my door is hopeful. “I beg you to forgive me.”

I don't remember what happened after we talked that night. All I remember was sitting on the floor and we were crying together. But when I woke up in the morning, I was already lying in bed. Alone.

When I got down to the dining room, Hendra wasn't there. And I was heartbroken to hear the report from Abdi. My husband went out of town at dawn. He just got home and is gone again? How long is his departure this time? Two weeks? A month? Hearing his confession last night, I dare not send him a message. I don't want to hurt him every time I talk to him.

Maybe it's better this way. We kept our distance for some time until somehow time would heal the wounds in his heart. Like he who had been patient with me, it was now my turn to be patient waiting for him to recover from his pain.

For the first time, I came alone to fulfill an appointment to the obstetrician. I got a long piece of advice because my weight didn't go up as expected. The doctor made me promise to take good care of myself for the sake of the baby in my womb.

Both of my mothers still come regularly every morning for gymnastics with me. Sometimes I stay at one of them. And I'm glad Mama took the advice my mother-in-law gave me. I could see Papa was very happy to see Mama become much younger and beautiful just by changing the style of dress.

Zach and I are racing to tease the two of them who are like teenagers who are drunk with romance. I was secretly jealous to see their affection. I haven't felt a touch from my husband in a long time. I quickly threw that thought out of my head. I've been selfish for a long time showing off our affection. I should have been happy for my parents. Not even self-pity.

Upon learning that Hendra was out of town again, friends came to my house and refused to meet at our restaurant or cafe. I am happy to welcome them. After all, I also miss eating rujak which has always been a favorite of us all.

Lindsey at length told me about the preparation for her son's wedding. He reminded us to sew the clothes he had given us. I immediately asked Yuyun to get my dress. They immediately cheered happily at his excellent design.

Darla tells about her vacation plans with her husband abroad. Lindsey and Qiana immediately proposed the names of the countries for her to visit. Of course me and Darla know the main reason they're delivering all that. They want to buy famous designer items sold in the country.

“I don't know if I should tell this in a tone of sorrow or happiness,” Qiana said softly as it was her turn to share the story. We focused our attention entirely on him. “Nidya miscarriage. She fell down the stairs and alleged that my husband pushed her.”

“How can that happen? Fall how?” lindsey asked to know.

“Why wasn't he careful so he fell down the stairs? Does he still wear high heels?” I just don't want to lose. The three of us spoke at the same time.

“Can you guys calm down for a minute? I can't hear your question if it's spoken simultaneously like this,” said Qiana, who raised her tone. The three of us were silent. “Well. This is better. I'm not done talking, you guys are racing to ask.”

“Said he fell down the emergency stairs at the party headquarters. It seems like she panicked or how, she mentioned my husband's name. And at the same time, Helmut was having a lunch appointment with his business partner. This can be proven by CCTV. Eventually, he was expelled from the organization for not maintaining integrity.

“As I said earlier, I don't know if this is good or bad news,” concluded Qiana.

“Two,” says Darla. “Let us however we are women, surely grieve to hear our fellow lost his son. But we also cannot deny that through this incident, the problem you and Helmut are facing is finished.”

“You know that the problem between me and Helmut will not be solved just like that, Darla. She slept with other women until she got pregnant.” Qiana's face turned sad.

“I'm surprised if your problem is solved smoothly. You love your husband very much. So it's only natural that you get hurt by his betrayal.” Darla holds Qiana's hand. “If you act ordinary, then it's worse. You no longer love your husband.”

Is that what happened to us? Hendra was angry and disappointed in me, but didn't let me go from his side, because he still loved me? He said he hated his whole heart not because he really hated it but because he still loved me?

“How about you, Zahara? How's my niece doing in there?” ask Lindsey.

“Doctors scolded me because my weight did not increase significantly,” I said slowly.

“Do I need to send you ice cream every day?” ask Qiana.

“I am willing to send a cake every day for you and your little one,” Lindsey said at the same time.

“I will ask my driver to deliver fruits and spices for you,” said Darla did not want to lose.

“No, friends, no need.” I broke them. “My mother-in-law and mother-in-law are enough to bother me every day about food. Please, don't add any more.” They laughed when they heard it. They must have imagined how my two mothers controlled everything I did and ate to have their grandchildren born safe.

“I don't know what's weird about Hendra leaving town this often ...” Darla looked at me intently. “But when you have a problem, you should start actively doing what he usually does to get your attention back.”

“Iya. Like now. If he doesn't call, then you have to. It could be that he is just bored because the initiative always comes from him.” Lindsey blinked one eye.

“And he is testing you, whether your love is also as big as his love for you.” Qiana added. They're right too. I was trying to win her heart back but I was too busy keeping my own feelings. I should have stayed focused on him and what he wanted. All righty! I will improve my strategy.