The Untouched Heart

Chapter 101 - I'm Not Sorry

Our son was two years and four months old and Hendra kept his word. Not once did he show himself in front of us. Were it not for Hadi being the light living in my dark world, I would not have been able to live alone.

I always tell him the progress for the development experienced by Hadi. I sent photos or videos of new things he did. Hendra never returned a single message from me. But I know he read it. Because when I say that his son needs something, it will arrive in front of the house in a few hours.

“Isa! Isa!” cheer Hadi when he saw the house we came to. She's thrilled to meet her best friend, Clarissa, today. Lindsey's first granddaughter whose physical features are the same as I expected. She has blond hair and bright blue eyes. Real pretty. I can't wait to have a granddaughter who will be as pretty as my son-in-law's.

“Adi!” The little girl immediately ran to greet my son at the door. The two of them hugged each other and ran towards the living room. Two of Clarissa's nannies followed them. I can calmly leave them playing together.

“Sorry, I suddenly asked us to meet at home. Edu's not feeling well and I can't bear to leave him at home. He is sleeping, so we can freely talk.” Lindsey hugged us in turn. “Come, we sit in the reading room only.”

“What Edu does not need to be checked by a doctor?” ask Qiana.

“Already. Only fever due to fatigue.” Lindsey calmed us down.

The other light that illuminates my world is my four best friends and their unconditional love. A lot has happened in their personal lives over the last two years. But the bond between us grew stronger, not lessened in the slightest.

My situation as a widow did not make them worry that I would interfere with their marriage. Moreover, the cause of my divorce was because I slept with another man. A sin that Hendra cannot forgive.

“You will be surprised by this news, Zahara. Last night my husband saw Hendra having dinner alone with a young and beautiful woman,” Qiana said half in whisper. My chest was painful, but I ignored it.

“Why should I be surprised? He's entitled to be with any woman now.” I'm trying to smile. They looked at me intently.

“Don't smile like that. You look ugly,” taunts Darla. “Go meet him at his apartment. Kiss her to her knees begging you to come back. Don't put on a face pretending to be happy. You can no longer lie to us.”

“Do not, do. I prefer this.” Qiana disagreed. “I don't want the peace of my life to be disturbed to see their affection.” They laugh together. Really good friends. They are happy in my suffering.

 Claudia didn't join the meeting today because she was exhausted and already asleep. If only he had been chatting with us, I would definitely not be able to struggle with the temptations of the four of them. I know they mean well. That's all that kept me from getting angry.

The hardest thing every time we were going home was separating Hadi and Clarissa. They both do not want to be separated. I let my son cry in my arms until he fell asleep on his own. By the time he woke up in his room, he was no longer angry with me.

Tired of playing, I had no trouble putting him to bed that night. I just read out a few pages of his choice book, he's gone. After tidying up her blanket and kissing her forehead, I left her to sleep alone in her room.

I allowed the workers to rest, but I still heard the sounds and sounds of chatter from the kitchen. Since I wanted to grab some snacks and warm drinks, I headed towards the back of the house.

“Iya. Last night came again. Sometimes pity sees them so like this,” said Yuyun who then looked towards me. “Ah, Mistress. You need something?”

“It's okay. I can take it myself.” There are Abdi, Liando, and Fahri also in this room. They were enjoying a warm drink and cake.

“Do not, Mistress. Master does not allow me to let the Madam do any work.” He opened the fridge.

“Does Madam want a piece of cheesecake or chocolate?” Yuyun did not answer my question.

I relented and let him prepare a snack for me. I just want to work for a while. My second book was welcomed by readers, so the publisher asked me to write a third book. This time I was in the stage of editing the script because they already agreed with the story I prepared. The hardest work compared to writing a script on blank paper.

The clock on my laptop screen showed at ten, I stopped. Hadi needs me to stay fit, so I can't lack rest. The house feels lonely, the workers must have entered their respective rooms.

I bathed fully under the shower, then came out of the bathroom in a coat. When I looked towards the bed, I screamed in surprise. How did he get to my room? Ah, naw. This is not entirely my room. This is his room too.

“Hendra? What are you doing here?” many wonder. I tightly closed my coat and tightly tied the rope around my waist. Even though we haven't been together for a long time, my heart leaps happily to see him here in front of me. I have to be careful.

“I'm in my house, in my own room, you mind?” He asked back. His way of speaking is strange. Did he just have a drink? He stood up and walked towards me. Seeing her tripping over the carpet, I immediately approached her so that she would not fall. Za, this isn't what you call being careful.

“Did you come with Kafin?” I took her back to bed so she could sit down. I need to get away from him immediately. He hugged me and breathed my hair.

“You smell so good. Your skin is also moist. You just finished your shower?” He kissed me on the forehead and kept on rummaging. I wasn't wearing anything under my bathrobe, so the touch started to make me uncomfortable.

“You should go home, Hendra.” I tried to let go of her hand that was holding my body.

“I'm home, baby. My home is where you are.” He tightened his embrace. “Didn't you miss me, Za? Why do you stay so beautiful? Why are you happy after we split up? Why am I the only one suffering?”

“Are you blind? I have also suffered since living alone without you,” my protest.

“Why can't you love me? Am I that bad to be your husband? Please, love me, Za. Just one day. No. gabe. One hour only.” He started kissing my face again. He doesn't seem to listen to anything I say.

“You smell alcohol.” I closed my lips so he couldn't kiss her. “You better clean yourself. I don't want to do anything with you drunk. Then you should go home.”

“I'm home. This is my home.” He opened his eyes, then framed my face with both hands. “And you are my wife.” With that one sentence, he no longer looked like a drunk but like a man who had a strong determination to take back what once belonged to him.

It didn't take long for him to make me want the same thing. He knows every inch of my body. What we're doing is not right. We're not together anymore. But my head was unable to think clearly. And I miss him too much to refuse the pleasure he offers.

“Please, love me, Za,” the door again welcomes.

“I love you, Hendra.” I knew that he would forget that sentence when he woke up. It was the only reason that encouraged me to dare to tell him my feelings honestly. I am a coward.

In the morning, I woke up and found myself lying alone in bed. Hendra was no longer by my side. If it wasn't for the pain in my muscles and the kiss marks on some part of my body, I would have thought of last night as a dream. The evidence I can't deny is that one month later, I saw two red lines on the testpack I was using.