The Untouched Heart

Chapter 58 - Is this Your Retaliation?

My body is shaking violently. My guilt will not be punished. Hendra won't beat me, get me out of the house, starve me to death, or hurt me. He will punish me through my family.

Yeah, God. What have I done? Papa will not be able to live the tragedy again. The house has just been renovated. Mama is still recovering her heart. Zach, pity my brother, he just found a woman who can make him happy.

Who will be hurt first? Papa's? The mama? Or maybe Zach? I should have focused on protecting my family, not following my anger at being lured to the words Aldo said. I did not get any satisfaction from sleeping with him, I did not feel my anger reduced, which there was only suffering to my family.

And suffering to myself too. I don't want to lose him. I love Hendra so much and I just realized my feelings for him. Why is the secret now exposed? Why did it happen when I had not expressed my love to him? Why was it revealed when I was still gathering the courage to tell him my sin?

The sin is so great, I know. That's what scared me to say. I'm waiting for the right moment. I have no intention of covering that up from her forever. I'm just waiting until the secret won't sound this painful.

“‘When you are betrayed, even if only once, it feels equally painful, Hendra.’ Do you remember that phrase?” asked Hendra with a trembling voice. And I cried. “One time, Za. You can't forgive me for one night. Is this your revenge? You slept many times with other men to avenge your heartache?”

“Hendra, I beg you, listen to me,” my isak with a stinging voice. I braced myself to stand up and walk over to him. Oh, dearGod. I would love to be in his arms right now.

“What should I hear from you?!” he said with a blaring voice. I took one step back. Surprised by my husband's voice I've never heard so loud. “That you love him? That you liked the way he touched you? That he's better than me? He can satisfy you better than me? Da? Is that what you want to say? No, Za. I don't need to hear it. I know.”

“But, I,” No. I don't love Aldo. I love you, Hendra. I can't see him looking at me like that. He's in a lot of pain. And I hate myself because I caused it.

“Congratulations, Za. You managed to hurt me. It hurt so much and I was devastated. This is what you wanted to do before, right? You managed to destroy me.” He retreated and leaned against the wall, then covered his face with both hands. I was eager to get close and hold her, because no, I was not happy to see her this way.

“Listen, I,” I'm trying to explain. He lowered his hand and looked at me with watery eyes. My heart was full of seeing it.

“If you think I'm going to let you go so you can be with him, you're wrong. I will not divorce you. You have to stay here until you die,” said Hendra firmly. “You can even go back to him to warm your body. I don't care.”

“Hendra,” my word begs. He didn't have to say anything to add to my pain. I will not go back to the man or seek warmth from him.

“What's up? Oh. You're afraid I'll make your family suffer after what you did to me?” He laughed a little with sadness. “Do not worry. I'm not that low. After all, they are my family too. Just ignore everything in our agreement letter.”

“Are you not going to give me a chance to talk?” Why is he like this? I have the right to speak too. He straightened his body and approached the door.

And I sat on the edge of the bed. Relieved that my family is doing well, and hurt because I hurt her. After what he did for me and my family, what I did to him was very evil. I didn't just betray him. I slept with another man who was my ex-lover.

Twice. Why did Aldo say that we had slept twice in the same hotel? We only did it once and I immediately left the place when he was still slumbering. I don't have any relationship with him either. Not before or after we slept together.

Is this the way to pay back what I did in the past? I left him in a rage, and married Hendra. Is that why he hasn't stopped coming to me since we first met? Stupid me. I don't take good care of myself. I got in his trap.

Maybe this is the side Aldo saw by Papa, Mama, and Hendra that I never noticed before. My parents insisted that I marry Hendra. As if in tatters, Hendra also did not stop fighting to get me. Is it because they already know what Aldo really looks like?

In the morning, I felt my eyes sting. I touched the empty side of the bed. Where usually Hendra lay. The surface of the bed was cold, a sign that no one had slept there all night. I really slept alone.

I cleaned my face and brushed my teeth before going down to the dining room. Hendra was there enjoying his breakfast. Alone. I greeted him, but he did not answer. Not even looking at me.

Yuyun helped spoon the porridge into the empty bowl in front of me. I thanked him, then added the mixture myself that was available in front of me. Hendra's phone on the table shook. He answered immediately.

“Iya. For two weeks. Yes, leave next week. No, I'm going alone. Fine.” Two weeks? Next sunday? Will he go again on a job? But he just got home.

“Are you going to see Xavier again?” ask me to vent.

“No. There was a hotel for sale and they offered it to me the first time because I had asked for it,” he replied in a cold tone.

“I'm glad you started seeing other fields for your efforts.”

“You must be even happier to be able to meet your lover when I'm not here, ‘kan?” He stood up and walked towards the door. That sentence hit me really hard, right in my heart. It hurts so much.

Even though I knew this would be of no use, I followed him to the front of the house. He just said hello and farewell to Abdi. Kafin looked at me for a moment before he drove the car away from the front of the house.

At first I thought that the most painful thing in the world was when the person I trusted betrayed me. Or when my hard work and love are rejected. It turned out that the most painful thing was when I hurt a person who originally had no meaning in my life. Which without me realizing it has become an inseparable part of me. And I only found out when it was too late.