The Untouched Heart

Chapter 63 - Please Hurt Me

Two weeks without her, I busied myself with my two mothers. We did gymnastics together and cooked a special meal for me. Yuyun had already changed the food menu at home since the beginning of my pregnancy due to my husband's request. So, my appetite was not at all bothered by the change.

Lindsey sent us clothes for our husband to wear together on his son's wedding day. Both of my mothers accompanied me to my mother-in-law's seamstress and chose the right design for me. Which of course should be polite, loose, yet still elegant. Hendra wouldn't like it if my dress was sewn to fit the curves of my body.

“I'm so grateful my husband isn't like that. I can wear whatever clothes I like. If your father behaves like Hendra, I won't stand living with him,” said the mother-in-law. My mom and I laughed when they heard it.

“My husband is the opposite. He wants me to dress interestingly. Not too polite clothes as I used to wear.” Mama laughed a little.

“Then I did the right thing. Sometimes wear the clothes I bought for you, Anya. Yousef will definitely fall in love with you again,” said my mother-in-law half teasing Mama.

“The clothes are too good, Naava. I feel sorry if it breaks it,” said Mama felt bad.

“That's all expensive there's a reason, Anya. You wear, wash, iron any number of times, the material will be durable. Just look at all my clothes and Zahara's. This is our old shirt. Put those clothes on. Don't just save it as a collection,” said my mother-in-law. “There is no need to thank me when Yousef cannot turn his eyes away from you while wearing it.”

“It's as old as we are, there's no way we're acting like two teenagers in love.” Mama who blushed gently patted my mother-in-law's arm.

“It is precisely when our children are old and do not need us anymore, it is time for us to focus on our partner,” said my mother-in-law half whispered. I laugh.

“Sorry, already made Mom wait.” A woman approached me. “This is the receipt, Mom. Just show me this paper when Mom picks up clothes later.”

“Good, thank you.” I took the paper and kept it in my bag.

“Well, come on, let's have lunch. I'm already hungry.” My mother-in-law took my hand and my mother.

Hendra finally came home and his attitude was still the same. I greeted him with a happy face, but he only answered my greeting. I followed him to his room and he still closed the door right in front of me, not allowing me to enter.

I miss him so much. Although I could only hear her footsteps in the room, I stood up for a moment to take off my miss before entering my room. If only I had been brave enough to challenge and talk to him, this cold war we could have ended quickly. But I'm afraid. I was afraid to hear his angry voice. If I had dared to confront him before, now I don't. L loved her. Therefore every word he spoke in anger was extremely painful.

In the morning, I woke up early. I waited until he came out of his room, then went down to the dining room. That way, he wouldn't go to the office without meeting me first. We had breakfast together in silence.

“How is your business with the owner of the hotel? Is the business of selling running smoothly?” I broke the silence between us.

“Iya. The hotel is already mine,” he replied briefly.

“They keep working as usual,” he replied.

“I'm sure the hotel will receive a lot of guests after you hold it. Independence day soon. Will you hold special events or discounts?” ask again. He put his fork on the plate, then looked at me.

“What is this? Why do you suddenly want to know all about my work? Usually you just stay quiet and don't care if I'm here with you or not.” he said sharply. Right, ‘kan? His words now sound painful.

“Usually you tell me yourself without me asking. Since you've only been quiet since last night, then I want to know how your work is progressing.”

“Why do you want to know? You want to make sure that I work for two weeks out of town and don't cheat with other women?” ask again. I looked at him in disbelief.

“I would rather hear you sleep with other women out there even if it hurts me. At least I'll feel better after feeling the pain of being betrayed myself. What you did to me by being this way is much more painful than you sleeping repeatedly with another woman,” I said in a trembling voice.

“You feel pain? Wh why? You love your ex and want to go back to him, you should be happy if I cheat. So, you have reason to end our marriage.” He looked at me so coldly without emotion. “I won't give you a reason to get away from me. Don't expect me to cheat on you or be violent with you. You will forever be in this house with me.”

“I'll definitely get sorry from you, Hendra. You can get angry and hurt me with your words. You can also stay away from me whenever you want. But I will definitely get an apology from you.”

He did not speak anymore, but instead stood up and walked out of the dining room. I followed him and drove him until his car came out of our yard. I know what it's like now. His resignation when I didn't also apologize to him after he made a mistake.

His mouth did say that he would not divorce me. He repeatedly reminded me that I would not be able to leave. But I don't know what's going to happen next. As long as he doesn't want to touch me, I can't be calm.

Reply emails from every publisher I have received and I am confused who to discuss with. I asked Hendra. Would if I asked her opinion, she would want to help me consider which publisher's offer to print my book?

I finally decided to ask him. We couldn't talk anymore as usual, so I emailed him and attached answers from every publisher. If he doesn't reply until the next few days, I'll ask Zach. He could definitely help determine which publisher's offer would benefit me more.

Both of my mothers arrived on time and we set out together to follow pregnancy gymnastics. Two more weeks then I don't need to come to this place. I was enrolled for one-month class only. After this, I can do the gymnastics movement myself at home. They will also accompany me. Their presence made me not feel alone with my pregnancy.

My mother and mother-in-law came home after we had an afternoon snack together. I waited for dinner to continue writing on my blog. As soon as the inspiration for my story stopped and I couldn't force my head to think again, I checked the email. And I was surprised to see a new message in the inbox from Hendra.

Hendra returned an email from me! He even expressed his opinion regarding publishers who gave better offers than other publishers. I know that this doesn't mean our relationship is okay. But I cried when I read that email. I still have hope. We still have hope to improve our relationship.