The Untouched Heart

Chapter 56 - You are Changing

I who heard the news was very disappointed. I can't imagine how devastated Qiana's heart was to experience it for itself. Her husband had not only kissed the woman in public without shame but had also impregnated her?

We could only cry together to feel the pain she felt. Twenty years is not a short time to build a home. There's a lot they've been through together. Although there are no more signs of love, the habit of always being together will not be easy to let go of.

Darla managed to cheer us all up with her fresh jokes. We also stopped crying while enjoying the joy it brought. Qiana's situation was also better. He promised he would come to us when he needed a talkative.

“What's up, baby?” I felt someone touch my hand. I turned and saw Hendra looking at me worriedly. “Did something happen at Qiana's house?”

“Women are pregnant.” I sighed softly. Hendra closed his eyes, calming down. I-i know. That's very shocking news.

“It's a tough problem. Hopefully they can find the best way out,” said Hendra full of sympathy. I nodded slowly. “I won't do that to you. I pledge. I will not repeat my previous mistakes.” My chest ached hearing that, but I quickly brushed off that feeling.

“I know.” I brought my face closer to him. He smiled, then kissed my lips. As he distanced himself, he looked at me intently.

“You changed.” He caressed my cheek and kissed me again.

“Hopeful good change.” I smiled as I returned a kiss.

“Excellent changes.” This time he doesn't tease me anymore. He kissed me until we both had trouble breathing.

It didn't stop there, he took me to my room and we made love in bed. Yeah, God. I never felt enough about this. Our activities in bed became something I was looking forward to. In our sleepy state, we cleaned ourselves together in the bathroom. I laughed when he asked me to do it again.

Hendra treated me so tenderly, lovingly, and very attentive. Seeing her fall asleep with her peaceful face, I also felt a warmth fill my chest. How could she be able to face me who was so mean to her during our marriage? What is his heart really made of?

He hurt me when he forced his will. But he has repeatedly apologized and promised not to repeat it again. Lukaku is healed because he always holds every sentence that comes out of his mouth. I am lucky to have a husband like him. I love her so much. Yeah, God. I love her so much.

I can't believe it took me so long to realize. Since when, I don't know. I was used to his presence, his touch, his attention, maybe it was also what caused me not to immediately notice the change in my feelings for him. I focused too much on my hate for me.

Then reality struck me like thunder that broke the silence of the night. I didn't realize what I was doing because I didn't feel anything when it happened. This meeting with Aldo today reminds me of my sin. My greatest sin.

Oh, myGod. What have I done? I feel disgusted with myself. I didn't just let Aldo kiss my lips in the restaurant's parking lot. But I had also let him become one with me in that hotel room.

I really don't know what has made me want to be touched by him that intimate. All I remember was that I was so angry when she said that I loved my husband. Yeah, that's what happened. I fell in love with my husband and I got angry. I'm angry that I shouldn't have fallen in love with the man who ruined my life and my future. I was angry because I should have hated him with all my feelings.

A part of me was not ready to accept that fact so I continued to deny it, even to the point of breaking my oath of allegiance in our marriage. All because I was angry with myself. But I would rather bestow all my anger on my husband. Why did I turn out to be this bad?

If he finds out, what will happen to our marriage? Will he finally give up and leave me? When I just realized my feelings for her, would I lose her so soon? How long can I cover my sins from him? How could I be this stupid? I ruined my own life over and over again.

“You all right, baby?” asked Hendra as we were having breakfast in the morning. I just shook my head. “You didn't touch your food. Are you sick?”

“No. I just feel a little dizzy,” I said lying.

“If something hurts, you should check with your doctor.” He caressed my cheek.

“I'm fine. Maybe this is just fatigue after a long trip.”

“Ah, yes. We just returned from Bali, you were busy shopping and went to Qiana's house. You must be very emotional when you hear the bad news.” He looked at me worriedly. “You should not write first today, you should just rest.” I nodded obediently.

Now I understand what she feels every time I hint at wanting to leave her. I knew that the clock was ticking towards the end of our marriage. The longer I'm with her, the greater the fear of loss hurts me. Hendra won't be strong when he finds out that I've betrayed him.

All I could do was give her all my time, feelings, and attention for her. Every time she was at home, I didn't leave her side. Only when he was at work did I focus on continuing my writing and talking to friends on conference calls. I also did not forget to watch the little one in my womb. Our hearts both.

“What about the publishers' applications? Have you made a choice?” asked Hendra that night. I completely forgot about that. I borrowed his laptop and opened my e-mail. Then I showed you the e-mail that I had given the star sign.

“Wah, a lot, dear.” Hendra rubbed my hair. I put my head on his arm. “Just you should be confused about which one.”

“What should I do first? Reply one by one and ask for their offer? Or do I immediately make a choice will cooperate with which one and reject the other?” many confused.

“No. Don't refuse before you hear directly an offer from them.” He read every email that came in. “You better ask what kind of cooperation they offer. Then ask for time to consider it. You can ask any publisher. Not necessarily big publishers give better deals than small ones.”

Hendra typed something on an empty screen. I read it. Oh. He typed an example of a reply email to the publisher. His choice is much better than mine. It was no wonder he became a feared leader. He is very perfectionist, even in terms of correspondence.

“Thank you for helping me.” I read it with satisfaction. He took the laptop out of my lap and put it on the table. I screamed in surprise as he carried my body to the bed.

“You know that help from me is not free, ‘kan?”