Dear, Soul!!

Mentally..

After persuading Mom, Mom finally gave me permission to catch up with Fauzi. I left and took a flight that day, but it wasn't Fauzi I met there but just a disappointment that was becoming more and more.

Many times I pressed the bell, knocked on the door and called Fauzi but there was no answer until the housing security came to me.

"Sorry, who's looking for deck?"

"Let's find Fauzi sir, the man who lives in this house.."

"Oh, that tall white boy?"

"Yes sir is right"

"She didn't live here on deck.."

"Why sir? So where do you live now?"

"Said he lived with his friend first, his house was tucked away in me. If it's a problem now he lives where I don't know the deck either.."

"Since when did you move, sir?"

"It was morning.."

"Oh, thank you, sir.."

"Yes deck.."

I'm turning around, I don't know where I'm going. I don't know where Fauzi University is, nor do I have Sasa's and Faiq's phone numbers I forgot to ask for.

My tears were dripping, I really felt I was at the lowest point of my efforts. I don't know how else, this artist Fauzi wants to end our relationship.

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I came back the same day, instead of going back home I went straight to Fauzi's house. I'm sure Ms. Fauzi will give me the new Fauzi address like before

I pressed the bells many times but there was no answer from within. What else is this? Did Mom avoid me too? Do you not like me anymore? My eyes are getting smothered.

I hit the bell once.

"Son's Son.." Thank goodness Mother Fauzi still welcomed me, not as I thought. "Why are you, son?" Ask worried. "Let's go in.."

"Thank you, ma'am,.."

"Sorry Mom's late opening the door, I'm cooking.."

"It's okay, sorry to bother you this afternoon.."

"It's okay, baby, what's wrong with you? Why are your eyes so red?"

"Mom.. Do you know where Fauzi moved?"

His mother was silent for a moment, then nodded.

"Fauzi moved where did Mom? I went there looking for him but didn't see him" My tears started to stop again.

Mother Fauzi helped me wipe my tears and stroked my cheeks gently.

"I'm sorry, son, I can't tell you. Fauzi's been telling me that.."

"But Mom, I need to see Fauzi Ma'am.." My tears were getting louder, I couldn't understand where my embarrassment went until I cried like this in front of Mother Fauzi.

Fauzi's mother grabbed me and hugged me while gently stroking my hair.

"Mom don't know what happened between you, I just followed Fauzi's request. I'd really like to tell you, but I can't love you.."

"Mom, I want to see Fauzi.."

"I'm sorry my son made you this way. I don't want to see you like this either, but I don't have any other choice, son.."

"Mom.." My crying is becoming more and more.

"Patience dear.." Mother said to hold me and get tighter in her arms.

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As time passed, I fell with my own feelings. I feel like there is no passion, the days I go through are getting empty, sometimes I think maybe this is the karma that comes to me for what I have been doing all this time.

There is no day without me thinking about Fauzi, no day without me missing Fauzi and no day without crying. Mom was always in the room to calm me down when my heart raged back to remember all my memories with Fauzi. Mom Fauzi came to see me to make sure I was okay. Yes physically I look fine, but half of my mentality has been disturbed. Karma really did a good job for me.

Dad came home from work to my room, telling me things from his day at work to everything he met on the way home. I know Dad was trying to get me to chat so my mind wouldn't always revolve around Fauzi, well it worked but it only worked when Dad told me, when Dad came out of my room my mind went back to playing around about my memories with Fauzi.

You never get angry or sue me for being like this now, you always believe that if you're still quiet it means I can still handle myself. Dad didn't want to burden my mind with his insistence. It's possible that Dad found out about what happened so Dad didn't make a fuss with me and didn't mind Fauzi's decision.

It's been half a year like this I just stay at home, out of the room if necessary just eat and drink sober so that my weight decreases. If everything was okay, maybe now I am busy learning to prepare for the final exam of the first semester of my studies. Once again, karma really played its part for me.

Tok..

"Salwa, I'm in, baby.."

I kept quiet, Mother was used to asking permission to enter, but I didn't respond.

"Darling you, I have something for you.."

I looked at Mom.

"What Mom?"

Mom gave me a form.

"This what?"

"This is an additional class form, baby, you can try the practice questions to enter the University next year"

I put that form down.

"I don't want Mom.."

"Honey.. You want to be up to when like this. You can't delay your education until next year. Next semester you should be able to start your education again.."

"But Salwa doesn't want Ma'am.."

"Try it first, baby. It's been half a year since you locked yourself up at home, it's not good for your health.."

I just shut up.

"Darling, I can't see you like this all the time. Until when are you like this, it's useless. Compared to you who constantly regret the departure of Fauzi it's good if you try to be better again.."

"I don't bibsa ma'am, my mind just can't calm down then how can I accept the lesson"

"What a shame you don't think. Fauzi who left it was your own fault" Mother's tone began to rise, this was the first time I had seen Mom like this and the first time Mother had blamed me directly. "You should fix that mistake, not make it this wrong"

I was surprised to see such a Mother, my eyes began to glaze over and slowly my tears trickled down. Mom noticed his high tone and was surprised to see my response.

"I'm sorry Mom Son, I didn't mean to.." My mother said hugging me. Mom started crying

"The one who apologized, Mom, I'm sorry for making you worry"

"Mom just can't stand to see you like this hold dear.."

Mom and I got carried away and cried together.

"I'll try it" I said as I began to calm down"

"Really?"

I'm nodding.

"Thank you baby, I hope you can come back like you used to.."

I'm just smiling.

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Bukkkkp...

"Ouch.."

"I'm sorry my son.."

"It's okay" I replied smiling.

"You, Salwa, right?"

Who is this woman? Why recognize me? I don't think I've seen him before.