Dear, Soul!!

Azka Always

Sasa opened his eyes slowly even though his head felt so heavy, as a result of crying last night until he finally fell asleep.

Last night, Sasa did not return home, he chose to check in the hotel to avoid meeting with Faiq. He could have guessed that Faiq could have appeared at his house this morning. Although Faiq left him last night, Sasa still thought that Faiq would visit him.

Before going to bed, Sasa had sent a message to his friend to change shifts so that he did not have to leave for work this morning. He couldn't have come to work in the puffy-eye state he is in now.

It felt too painful if Sasa remembered what happened to him last night. His ears accepted the consumption of bad words put on him. The tarnished self-esteem made him no longer able to survive being at that party last night.

His tears flowed again, when he realized that he had cut off his relationship with Faiq. A little regret approached him, considering the feeling of love he had for Faiq, so great. But the self-esteem was smeared overnight, making him completely unable to hang on with Faiq anymore.

The feeling he had all these years, he didn't expect it would end like this. Sick? It's obviously very painful. He retains his feelings, but ends up ending because the right conditions do not allow them to be together.

“I cannot love in a depressed state” Muttered Sasa with his tears back dripping.

Sasa reached for his phone which he turned off last night so that Faiq would not contact him. He could have wavered instantly if he kept getting a phone call from Faiq, while to be able to go back as before, his logic was no longer allowed.

It is unfortunate, that a relationship cannot stand only if it relies on love as its founder. Feelings cannot be the only source of strength in relationships, social status and people around also take part in building relationships.

Of course it can't be used as a benchmark. You shouldn't listen to what people say to build relationships. Obviously, what people say should not affect the love in the heart. Unfortunately, the heart will only be hurt if it acts selfishly to rely on love. What's more, the ears won't be strong enough to ignore discordant voices that comment as they see fit.

So many messages coming in from Faiq when Sasa activated his phone, dozens of missed calls also colored the call box on Sasa's phone.

“He came home last night” muttered Sasa when he opened the message sent by Faiq, that he was waiting for Sasa in front of his house and asked to open the door.

Sasa read dozens of messages Faiq sent. Apologies, requests to reverse, until the invitation to leave this city also exists. The message Faiq sent, showing how frustrating he was last night.

Sasa continued to open the incoming messages one by one, until he found the last message that Faiq sent.

“I know you're hurt now. I'm sorry, honey... I think you need time to feel your feelings, I won't bother you but I'll keep an eye on you. I love you Sa. About the barrier wall between us, it'll be broken down. Just hang.. Call me if you feel better later, I'll wait for you. I'll keep waiting until your feelings get good and come back the same I”

Sasa's cry broke again after reading the last message Faiq sent. It feels so hard to end a relationship with someone who is still very loved. The tremendous pain came back to him after he realized that what he was doing right now was completely opposite to what he was feeling. Unfortunately, he had no other way to make those tastes and actions go hand in hand.

Not only messages from Faiq, but other messages also came from Azka.

“Sasa, are you okay?”

Not yet Sasa pressed the replay, his phone was already ringing with an incoming call from Azka.

Sasa adjusted his breathing for a moment before lifting Azka's phone. Although his voice was hoarse, but Sasa tried to make his voice sound ordinary.

“Halo.”

“Halo.. Sasas.. You okay?”

“I-iya.”

“Where are you now?? Let me deliver breakfast”

How could Azka know that I'm not home right now.

“A-me..”

“Already, just say it. I know you're not home right now and you're not at work. Last night Olla called me and said that you are not allowed to enter today”

“A-me, I'm at the hotel now”

“OK, share your location, I'll be there”

“Ka-you don't work, Ka? Today we get the morning shift”

“I permission.”

“Why?”

“Let me can nemenin you. I know, you need a friend now. Yasudah, turn off the phone and quickly share your location. I'll be there when my cooking is done. I cooked something special for you”

“Ma-fun, Ka”

Sasa was very grateful, at the time of his circumstances like this, there were still people who were worried about him.

Sasa moved, at least he had to wash his face so that his face was swollen and his swollen eyes could improve a little before he went down to the loby to wait for Azka's arrival.

.

.

.

It has been about five minutes since Sasa waited for Azka in the loby, but the awaited ones have not yet appeared. He set his sights out of the hotel, but there seemed to be no sign of Azka's appearance.

Sasa who uses a mask, trying to cover his face so as not to attract the attention of people around him who are nearby.

Passed up to ten minutes and Azka had not yet arrived, making Sasa open his phone. But not only did he open Azka's contact, Azka's call was already in.

Sasa steps out after Azka informs him that she is already outside the hotel waiting for him. And sure enough, when Sasa arrived outside, he had seen Azka standing beside his car while waving her hand towards Sasa.

“You okay?” Tanya Azka confirmed Sasa's condition, looking at Sasa who was wearing a mask with her eyes that clearly looked swollen.

Sasa just nodded.

“You want to eat in the park??”

Once again Sasa nodded, wherever Azka took him today, Sasa just followed.

The distance between the park and the hotel where Sasa is staying tonight is not far, so it does not take long for them to arrive there.

Sasa enjoyed the breakfast made by Azka, especially for her. Red fried rice with omelets, can be relied on to make up for hunger and improve the mood.

“Where, tasty?”

Sasa nodded with a smile.

“Eat slowly-pelan”

Sasa simply smiled and returned to bribing the fried rice that Azka had made for him.

Sasa's feelings got better after his stomach filled up. Azka who sat next to him was also very able to change his sad feeling for the better. Azka's attention gave her own spirit and calm to Sasa.

“Sa.”

Azka was ready to start the conversation after Sasa finished his breakfast.

“Hem??”

“Why you?”

Sasa turned his head, looking at Azka for a moment.

“I'm not okay. I'm fine” Sasa replied showing his smile, although his eyes have not returned to normal and still look a little swollen.

“What's fine if your eyes are so swollen. Any problems?”

Sasa was silent while looking down. He did not know if something like this could be discussed with Azka.

“Sa, if something incriminates you, same story me..”

Hearing what Azka said, Sasa recalled what happened to her last night, and made her eyes start to glaze over.

Slowly Azka approached, raising Sasa's face which started to look down.

“Do not hold it yourself. I'm here, your place to share”

Sasa just stared at Azka, with tears flowing back and slowly getting louder.