Dear, Soul!!

Tragedies

The time is 05:25, and Fauzi's alarm has gone off to wake him up this morning. Fauzi began to feel the table beside his bed, and turned off the alarm that had rang. The alarm was only reserved for him, so Fauzi did not want the sound of the alarm to wake his beloved wife.

Fauzi rubbed his eyes slowly, trying to eliminate the drowsiness that perched there. Compulsively, Fauzi slowly opened his eyes.

The beautiful face of his wife wrapped in a sweet smile greeted his gaze when he first opened his eyes this morning. Whether since when Salwa woke up from her sleep, Fauzi knew her beloved wife had opened her eyes wide and gave her a sweet smile as a welcome at the beginning of the day.

“You're awake, baby??” Tanya Fauzi kissed his wife's forehead.

“Iya.” Salwa replied, still not letting go of her smile.

“Why wake up so early?” Tanya Fauzi directed her hands circular at the slender waist belonging to his wife.

“I don't know, I just woke up and can't sleep anymore”

Fauzi smile. For a long time he did not get a morning welcome in the form of a sweet smile from his wife, because all this time every morning wake up, all he met was a confused expression from his wife, his wife, and his wife, which shows that his wife's memory no longer remembers him. But this morning it felt different, Salwa woke up first, gave her a sweet smile and spoke like the old Salwa, as if she was fine.

Although Salwa looks fine this morning, and is different from the previous days, Fauzi still has to ensure and train his wife's memory with questions that he asks the mother of his child every morning.

Fauzi got out of his sleep, followed by Salwa. Fauzi fixed his sitting position and gently grasped his wife's hand.

“Whose name?” Tanya Fauzi started their morning routine.

“Fauzi” Reply Salwa smile.

“And you?”

“I Salwa”

“I, what is Salwa?”

“My husband.” Salwa replied with her smile growing.

It was rare for Salwa to be able to say something as true as this. Although she sometimes answered correctly that Fauzi was her husband, her eyes were different.

“Passionate, for remembering me” Fauzi said with a smile.

“You're just that? Not about our son?”

Fauzi slightly flinched. During this time Salwa was never aware of the presence of Mikayla if not helped by Fauzi or by reading sticky notes attached to the walls of their homes.

“Ka-you remember about our son?”

“Of course, I'm his mom when I was mengelupain our son. Mikayla could be sad if she found out, Her Papi thinks that her mom is sleeping on her”

Slowly Fauzi's eyes began to glaze over, the hilarity he felt was wrenching hearing what Salwa had said this morning. It felt so happy, seeing Salwa who could remember Mikayla without any help from her.

“So who's our son?”

“Mikayla Azzalea” Salwa replied with a very happy expression.

Happiness filled Fauzi's heart. Not only did Salwa mention Mikayla's nickname, she even remembered their daughter's full name.

“Sayang.. Is your consciousness back now?” Tanya Fauzi made sure.

“What awareness?” Salwa asked in confusion.

Fauzi looked at his wife and smiled. “Nothing dear” Fauzi said back to slowly kiss his wife's forehead.

What Salwa remembers today, makes Fauzi think that his wife's consciousness is coming back to the surface. But seeing Salwa ask in confusion, Fauzi again made him realize that it was just a coincidence that his wife's memory touched on everything he said earlier.

Fauzi. “I want to cook, you want to come?”

Salwa just nodded. While grabbing Fauzi's hand that was extended to him.

Fauzi walked out of the room, gently clasping his wife's hand. But not a few steps, Salwa stopped his steps.

“Why baby?”

Salwa simply fell silent and looked at Fauzi in confusion.

Fauzi realized that his wife's memory now no longer knew him so he had to go back to explaining who he was and why he was here with her now.

Slowly, Fauzi led Salwa to the living room where there were dozens of sticky notes that explained everything about him. There are also some photos that can help his wife to dig back her buried memories.

But again, not even they reached the middle room, Salwa again stopped his steps.

“Where are you? Said you want to cook?”

Fauzi smiled, and patiently directed himself according to what his wife said.

“You don't want to rest, baby? Let me cook”

“I? Why am I resting? I'm not tired”

“Gak.. I mean, you don't want to watch tv or sit around looking at photos, let me just cook”

Salwa was silent for a moment, and finally nodded.

Fauzi led his wife to the living room to enjoy a television show this morning.

Fauzi was delighted when his wife remembered him and smilingly admitted that he was her husband. Fauzi's happiness increased when his beloved wife even remembered their daughter to mention her full name Mikayla.

For a moment Fauzi hoped that it was progress for his wife. But it did not pass 20 minutes, Salwa again confused and even forgot about him. His beloved wife again realized that what Salwa had remembered was only a memory that suddenly appeared on the surface, not as evidence that it was signs to heal.

Fauzi left Salwa in the living room and began to prepare the meal that they were going to make breakfast this morning. Occasionally Fauzi smiles when remembering the happy times he spent with his wife, but not infrequently also his eyes glazed as he realized that all the things they did together first, but not infrequently also his eyes glazed, they will no longer be able to feel it now, nor in the future.

Fauzi flinched, as Salwa suddenly slipped her hand behind the apron she was using. It was felt that Salwa was hugging him tightly at this moment. Fauzi had thought for a moment about what disturbed his mind earlier so that he did not realize the existence of his wife who suddenly appeared. Or what was clogging his ears that he did not hear Salwa's footsteps approaching him.

“Sayang.” Call Salwa spoiled. A call with a tone that had not touched Fauzi's sense of hearing for a very long time.

“Hem.”

“Finished you cook, we go to your favorite place yuk.” Take Salwa with her still wrapped her hands spoiled at Fauzi's waist.

“Favorite place? Where's darling??”

Salwa let go of her embrace and put on a sullen face that showed she was upset.

“Then you forgot our favorite place” said Salwa already with an upset tone.

“Airport side field?” Tanya Fauzi made sure.

“It.. Where else is it?”

Fauzi looked at his wife. Although he attached a sticky note explaining their special place, but it seems Salwa will not be able to remember it without the help of an explanation from him.

“Times you forget, where you assumed I” Dengus Salwa annoyed.

Fauzi's eye cornea widened slightly hearing Salwa call the place right.

“Why bengong? You don't want to go there?”

“Eh? Dear tiger. Okay, I finished the cooking first keep us there ya.”

Salwa smiled and nodded.

“Quick cooking, I can't wait to get there.”

“Iya darling.” Fauzi said as he gently stroked his wife's cheek. “Yaudah there watch again, later I bring the food there”

“OK..”

Obviously Fauzi saw how happy his wife looked now. It was rare for Salwa to show expression with emotion. All this time, what Salwa always showed was just a flat and confused expression, even if she smiled, it was not serious now.

In order to fulfill his wife's wish, Fauzi sped up his movements in order to finish cooking early. He had to prepare breakfast for his wife before preparing clothes and taking a bath with her. Because at this time, Salwa could no longer determine what clothes she would use.

This morning breakfast was different, Salwa ate voraciously and without showing her confused expression looking at the food. If these were yesterday's days, it was clear that now Fauzi was feeding his wife while explaining all kinds of things that were on the food.

.

.

.

.

.

Salwa continued to smile as long as they were on the streets, she showed how enthusiastic she was towards a historic place for them.

“So long ago we did not go there, it feels like I miss the atmosphere there” said Salwa with a smile that did not escape his lips.

“Iya dear, sorry I for rarely taking you for a walk now”

“What's wrong, you will be busy” said Salwa understandingly.

Fauzi threw his gaze out before finally returning to focus on the not-so-dense path.

“Darling, you make me expect too much now. You made me feel how you used to be. Thank you, even though I know for a moment you are like this, but really thank you. I'm so glad to see you like this”

Unknowingly, Fauzi's eyes glazed over. He knew, shouldn't he expect much to see Salwa who now looks normal. Because what Salwa is showing right now, it could change instantly.

Fauzi wiped away the tears in his eyes, even though they had not yet been spilled. He did not want his beloved wife found him glazed over, it could ruin his wife's mood.

“There is cotton sugar.” Salwa pointed to a cotton sugar vendor by the side of the road.

“You want?” Fauzi.

Salwa turned to look at her husband, shaking her head with her smile.

“If you want, we stop by buy”

“No, I don't want to. I just feel funny” Said Salwa starting to laugh a little.

“Funny? What dear?”

“You used to shoot me when I ate the cotton sugar you bought, right?” Salwa.

Fauzi. As for that, Fauzi did not write it on sticky notes that were stuck on the walls of their house, nor did Fauzi ever tell that since Salwa was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. How could Salwa remember that?

“Ka-you remember about that?” Fauzi's question still showed his surprised expression.

Salwa laughed out loud, while Fauzi was astonished to see his wife who could remember it, even to the question she asked at the time.

Stop making me wish for more, but I really can't deny that I'm glad you can remember that.

The shock that approached Fauzi had not subsided, although his surprise was accompanied by a sense of happiness to see his wife can remember the moments that passed.

It feels like Fauzi is checking his wife's health now and hoping to be given results according to what he wants.

Fauzi turned to look at Salwa with his laughter that had not yet subsided as a result of remembering Fauzi's silly question.

“Honey, after returning from there. You want to not cool down Mikayla?”

Fauzi hopes, Salwa who looks good at this time he can take to meet their daughter just let go of longing.

“Mikayla? Mikayla who??” Salwa asked in confusion.

“Ah? You don't know Mikayla?”

Salwa shook her head by showing her confused expression.

The feeling of pleasure that had approached him earlier, slowly faded.

Yeah, I shouldn't have expected more. What lay in Salwa's memory at this time, was not a sign that she would return to her original state. All just memories that suddenly came to the surface.

Fauzi tried to wake himself up so as not to be too happy about what Salwa is showing at this time, especially if it harbors the hope that his wife will recover. Because in reality, Salwa only remembers certain moments and forgets others. This morning, he clearly remembered his beloved daughter, right now? Mikayla was no longer in her memory. The memories that arise also include other memories.

“Mikayla who the hell is dear?”

“Nobody, I just mispronounced earlier” replied Fauzi smiling, trying to hide his feelings that were starting to go wrong.

“You're not clear.”

“Sorry.” Fauzi still did not take off his smile.

Fauzi turned his eyes back and wiped away the tears that had piled up in his eyes. It seemed, Salwa's memory was playing with her feelings. Makes him feel happy instantly, but at the same time firing a tremendous wound pain.

Fauzi was at a loss for what he should feel like now. He was so happy to see Salwa able to remember things that happened a few years ago, as if he was a person who did not have Alzheimer's. But on the other hand, Salwa made it clear that she is an Alzheimer's sufferer who has no possibility of recovery. Salwa shows how she forgot their daughter, which she should never have forgotten compared to a few years ago.

“Waahh BTS.

Fauzi was back. Salwa could even remember BTS, and showed the same happy expression she had when she saw the idol. Fauzi was completely confused by what was in his wife's head at the moment. Things like BTS he can remember, while their daughter who he brought nine months in his stomach, he could not remember.

“Honey dear.. View.” Seru Salwa pointed to a billboard owned by Tokopedia where BTS as a model ambassador.

BTS photos that are plastered with real size that, made Salwa look at him with satisfaction and a wide smile.

“See darling.. Taehyung is very handsome, Jimin is very sweet, and Namjoon.. Ah charisma. I like them”

Salwa who could even name her idol one by one, made Fauzi even more confused. Just imagine, the foreign names that are difficult to mention Salwa can remember, to make her scream pleasure. But their daughter? It was completely erased from Salwa's memory.

“Ah darling.. Play Bangtan song, I miss their song.”

Amidst the confusion and pain that was roaring him, Fauzi still tried to show a smile to his wife and obey what Salwa wanted.

The song Love Myself by BTS accompanied their journey. Salwa is so fluent in singing songs that use Korean, without any mistake.

Fauzi just fell silent, he let his wife enjoy the song she liked so much. He himself is trying to control his feelings, so that he can look fine in front of his wife who looks very happy at this time.

Salwa who before singing with her cheer, suddenly silent and noiseless. Making Fauzi who had previously kept his eyes fixed on the road, turned to look at his wife.

“Why dear? How do you stop singing? Want to change the song?”

Salwa. He showed a sad face that made Fauzi worried to see him.

“Why you, baby? What's up?” Tanya Fauzi was getting worried.

Fauzi pointed his car to the side of the road. He will not be able to drive if his wife suddenly sad for no reason like now.

Fauzi stopped his car, removed the safety belt he was using and approached his wife.

“Honey, what's up??” Fauzi asked over and over again who had received no answer from Salwa before.

“Sorry me..”

Did his consciousness appear again?

Seeing a sad expression to the teary eyes, made Fauzi think that his wife was back to consciousness, because before Salwa never showed a sad expression if the eraser in his head was in action.

Please, if your consciousness comes back don't think no and blame yourself.

“Sorry, what's dear??” for

“Sorry because I once betrayed you”

Fauzi. Especially this? Is his wife struggling or is his memory of something in the past.

“Braying what dear?”

“When I walked with Farhan” said Salwa had shed tears.

Fauzi was puzzled as to why those memories of the past had all come to the surface now.

In the midst of his confusion, Fauzi tried to look calm in order to calm his wife. Fauzi approached and hugged Salwa.

“What a shame, it's already gone. So don't think of it so”

“I was evil once..”

“Gak, you are not evil” Fauzi took off his embrace and wiped his wife's tears. “Why do you suddenly remember the same thing anyway baby? Why suddenly think the same thing?”

“So we passed there” replied Salwa sniggered.

“Disana? Where's where?”

“In perfume shop”

Fauzi was again confused by what his wife said. What does the perfume shop have to do with when his wife betrays him.

“Pfumery shop? Why the same perfume shop?” Tanya Fauzi who does not know the events in the past, where Salwa who was hit after getting out of the perfume shop when the appointment met with Farhan.

Salwa did not answer Fauzi's question, her gaze turned confused even though her tears were still dripping.

“Parfume shop? Why?” Salwa asked back.

Fauzi realized that again his wife's memory had been snatched away now. Memory of the present or in the past, re-buried and make Salwa no longer able to tell Fauzi about the relationship of the perfume shop with betrayal that he had done before.

Fauzi smiled, and went back to wiping away the remaining tears that had soaked his wife's cheeks.

“Nothing dear” Fauzi said.

Fauzi himself did not know what to answer Salwa's question about the perfume shop, because he himself did not know about the perfume shop that had been discussed earlier.

“You still know where we're going?”

“Favorite places” Reply Salwa smile.

Although he forgot what had made him cry before, he did not forget where he wanted to go now.

Fauzi returned to the ready-to-drive position, installed a safety belt and continued driving.

Salwa again asked to play the song that had stopped earlier. And again Salwa enjoyed the song that plays by singing.

“Cotton sugar.”

Salwa again reprimanded the cotton sugar she saw.

“You want?” Fauzi is back. Although Salwa had previously said that he did not want to, but Fauzi still offered to return considering his wife was easy to forget. Maybe at this time he forgot that he had been offered cotton sugar.

Salwa nodded with a smile. It was obvious he was happy when Fauzi offered him cotton sugar.

“Already, wait for me in the car. Let me go there”

Fauzi could not bring Salwa down, while he had to cross the road first in order to get to the cotton sugar seller. It felt too dangerous to bring his wife down, not to mention Salwa's mind that could change at any time.

Salwa nodded as Fauzi asked her to stay in the car.

Fauzi came out and ran small towards the cotton sugar vendor across the street. He was unwilling to make his wife wait for long, so Fauzi moved even faster.

Although Fauzi tried as quickly as possible to get his cotton sugar, but because so many children were queuing there, Fauzi had to wait patiently.

BBRUKK....

The sound of a loud bang made the people around turn their heads. Some people started running towards the car that seemed to hit something.

“It looks like there was an accident mas” said the cotton sugar seller on Fauzi.

“Iya sir. People have been running there” Fauzi replied with his unshakeable gaze from the crowd of people who were increasingly arriving.

Hopefully Salwa did not see the crowd, he could get out of the car if curious about what makes people crowded.

Fauzi set his sights on the car, making sure his wife stayed inside and..

“Pak, I stay a while. Later I come here again take the cotton sugar”

“OK mas.”

Fauzi ran to his car. The car door that had been opened made him sure that Salwa had come out and might have mingled with the people who crowded there.

“Sayang.” Fauzi approached the car and searched for Salwa there, but it seemed Salwa was out.

Fauzi ran over to the crowd of people who seemed to be waiting for an ambulance to bring someone who was being hit.

“Excuse me. excuse me.” Fauzi tucked people in to look for Salwa.

DEEGGGG....

Fauzi was speechless, how could someone lying on the street with blood all over his face and body be...

“SALWAAA..