Dear, Soul!!

Forgive Me

Disputes in a relationship are not uncommon, even some people say that the relationship will not last if we do not go through small fights. In essence, the quarrel in the relationship is natural, as long as we can finally realize the fault of each of us and one of us must be no one to give up.

During this year, Fauzi and I had frequent petty quarrels, given the forgetful Fauzi and the very difficult me to understand Fauzi's forgetful state. At first I was always patient and understood Fauzi's forgetful state, but the longer I nagged when Fauzi forgot something again, maybe because we already know each other and no longer hesitate to show the original nature. But even more than what made us quarrel, still coming back will improve because of the nature of Fauzi who easily relented and always easily apologized to me, although sometimes I'm wrong because I like to exaggerate small problems.

But for this time, it was only the first time in a year that my relationship with Fauzi I heard his tone was a little high. For the first time Fauzi was angry with me and it made me even more upset.

"I'm so confused, I don't always refuse your request, only this time I really can't. For just this once, can't you understand me?"

"I also have other activities Salwa, I can not always follow what you want, besides I am not always busy right" he explained again.

"Of course, it's up to you" I replied cuek

"That you, you say it a little bit, say a little bit whatever"

"Well, you want me to say how I am?"

"You really can't understand me, even for the first time in a year we're the same, I can't follow your wishes"

"I told you it was up to you. I don't have to walk, especially what you're worried about"

"You say whatever, say yaudah, but your behavior is not like that, I am confused about you.. I never asked you to understand more about me, I never meant for you to understand me more"

I just fell silent

"I'm tired if you think you're going to continue" he continued.

"Oh, so you're tired.. Are you tired of me?" My timpals are getting pissed.

"Well, how do you think I should? I have to be strong ngadepin you who keep kayak gini? Can't I be tired of that? You think I'm a robot and you want to control me using remote control like that? You're outrageous" Her tone has risen.

I'm speechless.. Slowly my tears began to pool in my eyes.

"Did it be hard to understand me?" Reciprocation

I just kept quiet, slowly my tears started to drip.

"Geez Salwa, I really don't know anymore.. I just ask you to understand me for this time, you even want me" Nadanya began to be upset.

"Yes, I'm sorry.. Sorry for not being able to understand you" I replied in a raucous voice and sobbed as I began to cry.

"Salwa.." I heard his voice startled a little spontaneously.

"You crying?" he asked in a surprised tone.

"Ah, no.. Yaudah I'm sorry Ozi, because I can't understand you" I replied still in a raucous voice holding back my cries..

"Son, no.. I'm sorry Salwa, I.. I didn't mean for you to cry like a gini" he said with his tone beginning to decline and full of guilt.

"no, I was wrong.. I need a rest today" I said sobbing

"No Salwa, no.. Sorry, please don't cry.. Sorry, my dear.."

"I think I'm getting sleepy again, I sleep first.. Happy weekend Ozi"

"Darling I'm sorry.yeah, let's go to the gallery" he persuaded in a tone full of guilt.

"So, I'm going to sleep.. I'm matthew the phone"

"I'magg..."

I was silent for a moment.. "Has it been true that I've never known Fauzi?" Thought..

My tears are back.

My phone rang again, Fauzi's call kept coming in, I just ignored it. I don't think I can talk to Fauzi right now. I kept crying.

"Please pick up my phone dear" The message Fauzi sent after 6 missed calls came in from me

My phone rang again and kept ringing but I could only ignore it.

"Darling, please pick up my phone, I'm sorry.."

"Darling.."

"Dear please don't be like this"

"Yes I was wrong.."

"Dear, I'm sorry"

"Salwa, please pick up my phone.."

Fauzi's WhatsApp messages kept coming in every time his phone went unanswered.

Fauzi kept calling, and I just ignored him. I was just crying, covering my face with a pillow. My eyes began to swell, and my voice grew increasingly raucous as well as my nose reddened.

"It's up to you, I think you need rest, I won't bother you"

Fauzi's last message after 32 of his calls were missed, made me even sicker.

I cried so much reading Fauzi's last message, before Fauzi never gave up and said like that when I was angry. Fauzi would always persuade me to let my anger subside, but not this time, Fauzi ignored me. I realized how stubborn I had been. I never once understood Fauzi's circumstances, I always forced my will on Fauzi and Fauzi could only obey what I wanted.

I'm crying more and more.. I don't know what the lattice is, whether my annoyance at not being able to walk with Fauzi today, or my disappointment at Fauzi not persuading me as usual, or is it because my own guilt that has been too pressing Fauzi until he reached his limit today with anger returned to me and now as if he did not care about me who was angry. Like it wasn't the Fauzi I knew.

I realized, I alone made Fauzi become like this, I made Fauzi who was very patient to lose his patience with me..

Realizing that, it made me sicker and unable to stem my cries.

I don't know until when Fauzi's gonna be mad. I'm not used to Fauzi being angry because Fauzi had never been this angry before until he sent such a message. I who was upset now started to get scared and confused, what if Fauzi went too far with his anger and didn't want to be with me anymore? What if Fauzi was really tired and had reached his limit to face me.

I don't want Fauzi like that.

My thoughts made me cry.

My eyes were getting swollen and my nose was getting red, but my tears couldn't stop flowing either. Many times I guess I keep dripping back, tissue strewn on the floor of my room..

Tokk.button.tokk..

I turned to "Who is the one who is visiting this early in the morning? Where mother is not there, my condition is also not allowing guests" I thought.

Tookk.ttok..

The door is knocked back..

"What is the delivery courier service?" askau.

Tookk.so.ttokk..

The door is knocked repeatedly.

"Yes for a minute.." I replied as I stepped into the bathroom to wash my face before receiving a guest, in case my tears and puffiness could be a little better after washing the water.

I stepped out while continuing to press my eyes so that the swelling subsided a little. Yes I also know, there is no theory that says puffy eyes will subside when pressed, but still I repeatedly press my eyes.

"What's he doing here?" I thought after I opened the door and I saw someone standing there.

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