Dear, Soul!!

Diaries..

I was happy to be able to accompany Fauzi when he was sick like this, to be able to take care of him and prepare his food. I remember Fauzi's dreams when we were a couple, maybe it's part of his little dream that is now just a dream.

I prepared porridge for Fauzi so that it could be easier to swallow, because when the throat fever will feel very bitter that makes the appetite so lost.

I went back to the room, Fauzi was asleep.

"His porridge can be cold if you have to wait for him to wake up, he hasn't taken medicine, so I better wake him up first.." I took the initiative to wake him up, at least he had to take medicine first before going back to sleep.

"Fauzi. get up a little while..." I said while putting the porridge on the bedside table.

Either it was too loud or my voice was too slow until Fauzi did not wake up.

"Ozii.wake up..." I said trying to wake her up. "God..." Fauzi's body temperature is rising. "Ozii wake.. We're going to the hospital now..."

Fauzi began to wake up.

"I'm fine with Salwa.."

"What's okay, this is your body temperature is getting hotter, we have to go to the hospital.." I said to take my bag.

"Don't do it, you're here to me.."

"But..."

"I just need you to keep me here..."

I finally sat down, Fauzi clean hard don't want to go to the hospital.

"Do you have a thermometer?"

"There's a room..."

"But I took the compress and just looked at your body temperature.."

"The compress is also in the room, I had time to wear it before you came here.."

"Well then, I'll let you in your room.."

Fauzi just nodded.

I rushed to Fauzi's room and took the compress, if Fauzi doesn't want to go to the hospital at least I did something to help bring down the fever.

I felt bad about having to go into the boys' room, but I also couldn't possibly ask the weak Fauzi so to pick up his own thermometer.

The thermometer he put on his bedside table and the compress, I rushed to pick it up but something else in Fauzi's room stole my attention.

There's a mading in Fauzi's room containing my photos and pictures with Fauzi from our High School until the last moment before Fauzi and I broke up, some frames are also neatly arranged on the table and glass cabinets containing my photos. Unknowingly my tears trickled seeing it all. I broke up with Fauzi for a very long time but Fauzi still keeps neat even still displaying my photos in his room. I walked over to the photo taken during Fauzi's graduation. It still looks plain once my face was photographed, as well as the face of Fauzi.

Bruck... A book dropped, I accidentally nudged it when I wanted to take a frame that contained a picture of me with Fauzi on graduation.

I opened the book and the first thing I met in it was a picture of me taken while I was still going through my school orientation. "Why is this picture in Fauzi?? Ah I forgot that he's the head of the sausage, he must have taken this photo from my class album" I asked. My innocent face with the name tag hanging around my neck was inscribed with a small virus. Seeing that picture made my memories of High School days come to mind again.

Out of curiosity I finally opened the book sheet by sheet.

The first page of the book feels romantic. I opened the books but there wasn't much writing in them, just a few.

I sat down and read the book sheet by sheet seriously.

"Am I a man who deserves to love you? What can? Wouldn't I hurt you if I asked you to be a idol?"

On each page there are only a few words.

"I doubt, can you say this now? But to be honest, leaving you alone right now is my way of giving other men the chance to have you, and I don't want that.."

Every sheet that says those words always comes with a date when writing them.wakti she wrote this sheet that I was reading about 7 days before she told me her feelings.

I smiled a little after opening the next sheet, on the date listed was the time where he expressed his feelings to me, there were two pieces of writing on the same date.

"I'll say it..

I'm gonna say it..

I'm gonna say it..

I can't just look at him from far away right now..."

I opened the next sheet still on the same date.

"Do I look stupid? He looked at me with a strange look. Embarrassing but I'm relieved to have said it.."

Did I look at him strangely at that time? I was just confused" I thought.

"Ah whatever, I've said it and it feels relieved. It's just why my heart keeps beating is not because. I'm afraid he'll reject me, it feels like he'll be selfish this one time. I might not be able to accept rejection right now..."

Pfffttt I tried to hold my laugh. Here he wrote that he was not ready to accept rejection while when he expressed his feelings for me, he said that he was ready to accept any answer I had including if I refused.

I re-opened the next sheet but I checked that there were a few more sheets still filled with Fauzi's handwriting.

"I'm not going to give you a hard time with me and I'm not going to let you cry because of me, but because I'm crying and happy. Today I ask you to be my girlfriend and there will be days I will ask you to be my wife"

Ah yes, looking at the date, this is the day that I answered and accepted Fauzi's feelings that day. I'm thrilled to read every handwritten by Fauzi.

I opened the next page, only one sentence was written. "I am happy because of my love" The writing was repeated on the next page despite the changing date.

I tried to remember what happened when Fauzi wrote these words based on the date he wrote, but I couldn't quite remember them.

There were about dozens of sheets that read the same sentence until I finally came back to find a sheet with different writing.

"I'm sorry, I broke a promise not to make you cry. Today, just imagining your tearful face hurts my heart. Please give me a chance to explain everything, only you and I have no other women.."

This is the day I saw Fauzi with another woman who was none other than Fira.

I was more and more curious about what Fauzi wrote in the book, which I knew was all related to me and was written because of me. I kept opening the sheet and reading it to satisfy my curiosity.