Dear, Soul!!

Flashback: Story of Faiq & Karin (7)

As usual, today at work break time, Faiq and Karin again decided to have lunch together. But unlike usual, where the two will mingle in chat and tell each other stories, today Faiq is more silent than usual. He responded only to a few questions from Karin, and responded with a smile from what Karin had said.

Not without cause so different from usual and choose silence. It was not that he was silent because he had no discussion, but rather because his mind was still playing around what his father had said last night. Occasionally Faiq glanced at Karin, although there was actually no problem if he looked directly at the woman who was enjoying his lunch.

For some reason, Faiq felt a little awkward staring at Karin directly as he recalled his father's words. He himself was confused, why should he feel awkward and embarrassed, even though almost every day he had time with Karin like this.

Faiq tried to feel, and permeate his own feelings. He was trying to figure out if he felt comfortable around Karin so he smiled more as his father said, or if it was just his father's view. And what Faiq found was that he was really comfortable with Karin, although he does not believe about his comfort it comes from a serious feeling in love or just a sense of comfort because often meet.

Faiq's mind, which was starting to think about two possible things about his comfort, was blown away when Karin slightly confirmed her voice.

“Faiq.. You okay?”

“Ah? Uh, i-iya.” Nervous answer. Faiq was caught in the middle of daydreaming, which was caused by his mind that was figuring out the cause of the comfort he felt.

Obviously Karin felt the strangeness of Faiq at the moment, but he did not also ask, because according to him if the thing that made Faiq currently pondering was a difficult thing for him, he said, it was certain that he was telling a story considering that Faiq was slowly starting to turn into more open to him.

But because Faiq remained silent, Karin assumed, that things make Faiq different from the usual days at this time is, the fatigue that Faiq might get from his job. Karin knew that Faiq was working on one project at the moment, and it must have taken a lot of time that Faiq had, thus making him less rested.

Karin continued her chatter, just a pleasantries so that they pass lunch today not by staying silent with each other. Karin realized, if not him who opened the chat and told stories, today they will have lunch in a state of silence, seeing Faiq who looks a lot of thoughts at this time so it looks more calm than usual.

Amid Karin who was busy with the discussion, Faiq still stole the view by glancing at Karin occasionally while pretending to enjoy the food presented in front of him.

Tired of her intrusive thoughts to ask for answers to the comfort she had, Faiq tried to ignore them by asking Karin, if Karin's answer later can make his mind that is in the midst of a fuss it can be distracted.

“Today, what do you think the woman who would be my wife would think if she knew I had such a dark past?”

Damn, it seemed like the sudden question that Faiq asked, was even more filling his mind with ambiguity. Apparently he was not fully able to control himself which was already drowning in his feelings and thoughts that were always raging around Karin.

Karin was slightly surprised to hear Faiq's sudden question but it contained an element of deep seriousness. Seeing the surprised response that Karin could not hide, Faiq cursed himself for not being able to sort out the more relaxed questions.

“Ke-why suddenly ask such a thing??”

“Eng.. Tha-that's.. Anu's.. No matter what, I just want to know your view. Ah, forget it, my question is indeed inconsequential.”

Faiq grabbed the glass filled with white water, sipped it more so that his nervousness due to his embarrassing question, could disappear.

“Bu-not. That's not surprising, I'm just surprised because you suddenly nanyain it”

“Iya.. I don't need to be answered, I just came from earlier”

“So he is still not confident, and thought this continues earlier so that not much to say today” muttered Karin by concluding what he read from the gestures and questions Faiq

“Ah is okay, this is also not a strange question kok”

Karin tried to understand what she thought was busy Faiq's mind now, and perlaham began to issue his arguments.

“If you ask the problem of his view anyway, yes I can not answer for sure. You know that people's views are different, I can only respond. I think the woman who becomes your wife should be able to accept you as you are and not be wrong about your past. He should be able to accept that you have that kind of time first, and should be able to support you not to look at yourself badly because of it. After all you are like this now, already a great man”

“If the woman who became my wife later could not accept my past like that? I have to how?”

Faiq bowed to Karin's reply. For a moment his mind floated back to touch his memory of Sasa. Would Sasa understand her like this? Or can Sasa no longer accept it because he has a bad mass.

Actually what happened to Faiq back then was not something that could be said to be so bad. Previously he never considered himself bad because he had been an alcoholic, he even felt what he did in the business world some time ago was, much worse.

However, since Faiq had heard Karin's reply some time ago, his mind became doctrinated that the thing he had done before was a very bad thing, indirectly the lie he once told about himself playing women, attached to him as if it was true. Not to mention when he was concerned about linking with what he did to Alesha, trapping the beautiful woman only to get business approval from her father.

The question of whether Sasa could accept him, began to fill his mind and momentarily forgot the presence of Karin in front of him. But not only did he determine the answer that might be Sasa's answer, he again remembered Sasa who could have hated him. Then how could Sasa possibly accept him with that tarnished past, if Sasa was likely to hate him at this moment.

“Faiq.”

Karin rebukes Faiq's reverie. Made Faiq slowly raise his head and stare at Karin who was sitting in front of him.

“Such things should not be something that imposes your mind. You should be trying to get better now, and a good woman will come for you. And the good woman who came, will not hurt you by worrying about your past is”

Karin's answer, a little relief in Faiq's heart. Yes, the woman sitting in front of him can always make him feel better, when he condemns and judges himself badly.

“If you? What do you think I'm a man if I look from my past”

“Not this we have discussed yes?”

Faiq's forehead is wrinkled, showing him who does not remember or may not know that they have discussed it before.

“I told you, if what I saw from you, yes you are now. A great man who is successful in his field. In my opinion, the man is seen from his future, not from his past” Karin replied affirming and repeating his words a few days ago.

Karin, who answered so, had unknowingly shown Faiq that she was a woman who could accept Faiq as he was without taking issue with her past.

“You don't care what I used to be”

“Why should you care? Toh already passed”

Faiq stared fixedly into Karin's eyes, leaving Karin confused.

“A-what's up?” Karin asked slightly stammered as Faiq did not let go of his gaze. Karin was a little misbehaved

“Means you're a good girl then?” Faiq said with his eyes still not separated from Karin.

“Eh?”

Only then did Karin realize, about the woman who had suggested to be Faiq's wife, had exactly the criteria as she was.

“You don't mind my past, and you support me. Is it wrong if I say, you are that good woman?”

Karin was astonished, both of her eyelids reflexively widened.

“If I ask you to be ‘good woman’ to continue supporting me and accompanying me, do you want to? Do you want to be my wife??