Dear, Soul!!

Fauzi's Response...

I should be able to fall asleep quickly tonight because the day I was fully active and the night before my sleep was reduced because I had to study in order to answer the odd semester exam questions. But instead of falling asleep I was still awake until two in the morning, worse yet Fauzi who had been asleep so woke up to help me to fall asleep, he said, but instead of helping me fall asleep, she's staying up with me.

"I want something.."

"Ask what, dear.."

"If the future plan that you planned did not materialize?"

"Why again, I can't force something that I want to happen, right? at least I've been trying to make that happen. Why is that so?"

"If the one who made that dream not come true was me, what?"

"meaning?"

"Yes, for example, because of me, so your future dreams do not materialize how?"

"Why are you talking about that?"

"Fauzi habit, yes, every question is asked instead of being answered instead.."

"Well I'm confused, how come you suddenly talk like that, you don't want to be the same in the future as me?"

"That said I don't want to be with anyone else.."

"Why is it like that?"

"I just want to know your response.."

"Yes I must be sad that everyone would want his wish to be realized.."

"Sad doang?"

"Yes, how do you want me? I also couldn't kill myself.."

"That's not it either. I mean you're not angry or forcing it.."

"Yes depending on the condition, if the situation requires me to be angry, I must be angry but if the problem is forcing.. I don't think I have that right.."

"But yesterday you made me want to keep you.."

"That's because you just misunderstood.."

"Misunderstanding what is reason.."

"Geez, baby, how do you talk about this again?"

"It just so happens.."

"Wait a wait.. So you're asking this because you still think about yesterday's problems? You still don't believe me? you still have plans to leave me because of this.."

"It's not.."

"Continue?"

"I'm just wondering, for example if your future dreams are not according to plan because I'm your response like how, you hate me or how"

"You may be sleeping, baby, by the way, you may be sleeping now.."

"Fauzi, if that's true, how is it?"

"Yes what can I do? whatever I want, I want you to stay with me until old age, I want us to until we are both dizzy thinking about the name of our child later, later, replace her diaper or equally confused explain the strange questions that she should not know such as where the baby came from, why there was a night the same day and so on. But if in reality it doesn't work out, what can I do.."

"If for example it doesn't work because I have another guy how?" I asked a little slowly.

Fauzi fell silent, he did not directly respond to my question.

"You got anything else?" Ask later.

"And I said if.."

"You got anything else? so you want to squirm my response? Who?" Fauzi's usual tone changed immediately seriously and was rather cold.

"A. I was just saying if it were.." My answer stammered

"If anyone else says it. who?" Ask back.

"Ga no. I'd just say if.." I said lie and stammered a bit. I was confused myself, if the response was like the beginning of the talk I might be honest tonight, but hearing Fauzi's tone change I rethink if you want to be frank about this.

"May be right.."

"What's.."

"You're just making it up, I hope you actually just want to see my response.."

"O. OZZY..."

"I'm afraid of Salwa.. I'm afraid that it actually happened. Not that I'm afraid that in the future my life is not in accordance with what I planned, but I'm afraid that in the end I will hate you for being too hurt.. I don't want that.."

I was a little surprised to hear Fauzi say that.

"No, I'm just.."

"I know, the more I love you, the greater the resentment I can feel if one day something happens to our relationship that deliberately hurts each other, but I really can't love you normally, I can't love you mediocrely, I love you so much Salwa, I can't control my liking for you either.."

"Sorry, sorry for asking something like this.."

"It's okay, we should get to know each other better, right? at least you know how much I feel about you and you can imagine what my disappointment would be like if something like that happened.."

"Sorry.."

"Don't ask like this next time. Just thinking about you there's something else just feels so painful.."

"Yes, I don't know all of a sudden I want something like that, stupid question.."

"Yes.." Brief answer.

From the answer I know, there is something stuck in him.

"Salvah.."

"Yes.."

"I love you so much, I don't want to talk like this either, I don't want one day something like this to happen but.." Fauzi paused for a moment. "But if you have intentions or are liking others say directly to me.."

"Why? you want to leave before you get hurt?" I was a little surprised.

"No.."

"Then?"

"I'll make you forget that person, I'll make your feelings for that person disappear and just like me.."

I fell silent, I realized how much Fauzi felt about me, unconsciously my tears trickled either from being too happy or afraid that Fauzi would know everything someday.

"I don't want to lose you Salwa.." Further.

"Me too.." I said start sobbing.

"Don't cry, I'll cry too..."

"You want to cry, you're a boy.."

"Any woman has tears?"

"OHZIII.."

he talked like he was in this atmosphere.

"Whatever happens in the future I really hope to be with you next.."

"Me too.."

"I love you Salwa.."

"I'm also Ozi.."

"Jaudah, don't think about it again, if we both like each other like this there will be no one else among us.. I believe God will bless us to see us both fighting like this.."

Hearing Fauzi say something like that made me feel even more guilty for hiding Farhan from him.

"Yes.."

"It's three o'clock baby, you're sleeping.." Persuaded it.

"Yes.."

"I'm waiting for you again.."

"Don't.."

"Why?"

"You sleep too, you need rest too.."

"But you have trouble sleeping.."

"No, I'm also getting sleepy.I'm relieved to hear you love me.."

"So you had a hard time sleeping because you fidgeted thinking this.."

"I don't know, it could be.."

"Sorry baby.."

"Hem, there's nothing to forgive. Let's sleep.."

"Jaudah matiin the phone.. I Love You Salwa.."

"Mee too Ozi.."

"Good night. uh no, Good Morning..."

"Hmmm..."

Phone's disconnected. I really had to end my relationship with Farhan before Fauzi found out and his fear came true.