Dear, Soul!!

Round determination..

Fauzi's explanation was like a slap to me, as if describing how bad I was right now. I'm getting scared that one day Fauzi will know the truth.

"If you have the same intention of others mending break up the same as the first.."

"Why is that?"

"The second will not exist if you still love the same first.." Fauzi looked at me with a smile. I don't know how to respond to it.

"Ta but what if you still can't take off the first one?" I stammered a little.

"If you can't take off the first one, it's a sign that your love is still the same as the first, and because you've held the second one which means you've cheated it means you're selfish.."

"But..."

"Gini yes dear, I take the same example of our relationship now again LDRan. For example, I like other people there should I kill you first, why? because there's no way I'd like someone else there if I still love you. But if in the end I keep cheating there and don't want to let you out here it means I'm selfish" Fauzi explained.

"Agois?"

"Yes, because I actually don't like the people there, I just don't get used to myself because now you're far away from me. So I'm just benefiting the people there to keep you going while while I'm there, it's definitely hurting you and that guy"

GLEBB.. Fauzi's statement just now really illustrates my position.

"But how about that guy over there who I asked you to make is next to him even though he knows you have me?"

"That makes me not want to be with her, she should be as a girl can position herself if she is the one who is desired, and again if he can like it to me someday he can also like it to other people"

I corrected what Fauzi said, especially if Farhan's current position, he was with me who was clearly the lover of his own best friend.

"There is no reason for an affair, there is no term cheating because it is forced. Which exists because of the absence of the same assertiveness of self and a big ego. If we really like others we must firmly break with the first and if we still like the first we should not be selfish by holding the other just because of the first first can't fulfill as we wish.."

Slowly I began to understand and realize what Fauzi meant.

"Darling, we must always be aware. Not only other people who can not meet our expectations but we will also not be able to meet the expectations of others, so before expecting more in others we should first reflect on ourselves for self-introspection.."

"Yes, cheating should not exist, we must firmly make a decision and throw everything to egoism.." I said in a low tone and started to wake up.

Fauzi smile. "You're sick so weird, baby.."

"What?"

"Yes why be curious about a try affair?"

"Ah that... A I'm just.."

"Udah do not need to be discussed, maybe the problem of infidelity is again disturbing your mind.."

"I'm like that.."

"So if you are cheating now you should be able to be sure of how you feel, and make a firm decision. Put me down or stay with him.."

"Yes, you really are.." I answered a little. "Ehh..." I was surprised to realize something.

"Hem why?"

"You're saying that. You think I'm cheating?" Tanyaku.

"Haha I'm just from saying baby, I'm just thinking about a solution.."

I was a little surprised. Fauzi is directing me to take action right now.

"Will you have some fruit?" Fauzi said while slightly yawning.

Why I forgot, Fauzi is still very lacking in rest. Until yesterday he ran straight here, he only slept for a while and now has to wake up again because of me.

"You're sleepy, you're sleeping.."

"Aren't you.."

"What's wrong? Your eyes are red and watery.."

"But you..."

I lay down and tried to sleep, Fauzi wouldn't sleep if I didn't sleep while he was still very restless.

Not long enough Fauzi finally fell asleep, while I was still awake. I kept thinking about Mother's words yesterday and Fauzi's explanation.

"Do I love Brother Farhan? Because about my feelings for Fauzi it's still very real that I love Fauzi" I thought.

I was trying to realize my true feelings. Trying to go deeper into my own feelings to find the answer to Farhan's incomprehension.

Maybe that's exactly what Fauzi said. I'm not fond of Farhan, I'm just too selfish for not being able to accept Fauzi's current state away from me. I just didn't want to feel lonely so I held Farhan by my side. .

Time passed and I still couldn't sleep. It might be bright outside and I really can't sleep. Fauzi still sleeps soundly while sitting in the chair putting his head on the edge of the cage.

.

.

.

.

I've been in the hospital for about seven days, I can go home today. For seven days at the Fauzi Hospital kept me company, making Mother a little helped to take care of me during my treatment. For seven days Farhan occasionally came to see me, but because there was Fauzi he could not linger. I didn't respond well to Farhan either.

I decided as Fauzi said, I had to choose one and I chose to stay with Fauzi. I had enough time to reflect and realize that my feelings were entirely Fauzi's, there was only a misunderstanding about my feelings for Farhan, I just felt so lonely all this time that I misinterpreted my feelings for Farhan.

This time I must firmly take action, I must not be selfish anymore. I'd really lose Fauzi if he knew my relationship with Farhan.

Since I was able to go home, Fauzi finally decided to return today to continue his studies. A full week with Fauzi made me feel comfortable and could really convince myself that all this time I just felt lonely because I was away from Fauzi and could to take decisive action.

I arrived home, only seven days but I missed the atmosphere of my room.

Tok...

"Salwa, I'm in.."

"Yes Mom.."

"How do you feel, baby? Already better?"

"Yes, Salwa is better, tomorrow you can go to school.."

"Tomorrow don't bring a bike, let me just pick you up.."

"But I can be troubled.."

"No mother feels bothered with her child dear.." Mother said as she stroked my hair gently.

"Thank You Ma"

"Yes dear.." My mother said to kiss my forehead. "Fauzi is gone?"

"Maybe it's still at the airport or it might be taking off by now.."

"Thankfully, Fauzi must have missed a lot of his college eyes. His tasks are piling up now.."

"I told you that I'm better and asked Fauzi to go back to college but Fauzi refused.."

"That's because she's worried about continuing to be the same you dear.."

"I'm not feeling good, Mom.."

"Hem. Then be nice to Fauzi, don't be like now.."

"As now? Mean Mother?" I'm confused..

"Because I've already discussed this, I want to say something to you dear.."

"What Mom?"

Mom seems to be talking about something serious, not usually Mom like this.