Dear, Soul!!

Salwa's memory

I'm sorry, I'm sorry..

I'm sorry I never realized this unhealthy me..

I'm sorry I can only make you hard and suffer..

Really, I don't know about this eraser that's already in my head...

I don't know how long the eraser's been around, I don't know..

You must have been hurt by my memory, you must have had trouble confronting me..

Please forgive me..

Forgive me for forgetting our memories, forgive me for making our daughter afraid, forgive me..

I don't know what I've said to you, but you have to believe that I didn't mean to hurt you at all..

I love you Ozi, I love Fauzi, my husband, my love, my soul mate..

I'm sorry I can't remember all our memories, I'm sorry I forgot all about them..

I want to keep all those memories, I want to feel my love blazing for you every day, I want all my memories of you and our daughter to be there..

But I just want to, not that I can..

I'm leaving, I don't want to take you anymore..

I can't heal, so it's only suffering I'll pass on to you if I stay..

Am I being selfish asking you to remember I can forget you anytime?? Truly, I want to be in your heart, in your memory, and loved by you..

Take care of our daughter, raise her without hurting her. Don't scare her, like what her mother did..

I'm not good at being a wife and mother.. Ii'm sorry..

I wrote this while my memory was still good, I wrote everything I remember right now..

If one day you meet me, please greet me and introduce yourself again.I'm sure, I can definitely recognize you, because of my incredible love for you, my Fauzi..

I'm sorry, I love you..

.

.

.

Fauzi tightly grasped a letter left by his wife, his heart ached unspeakably, his flowing tears becoming a testament to the poignancy that was crashing at him at this time.

Fauzi turned and ran out, if his wife was not far from home so he could still find her.

Similar things have happened before, only time and conditions distinguish. Fauzi who ran without direction, swept a glance around him, turned to the right and left looking for the figure of his beloved wife.

Fauzi no longer cared about the look people had on him, the tears that could not stop now came to the attention of the people who passed him.

“Why are you still the same darling?? Why do you like to conclude things with just your mind and as you please?? This isn't the first time you've summed up my feelings and acted the way you want.”.

Fauzi recalled how his wife, who had easily made her own decisions about her unfounded thoughts.

“Where are you now??? Your absence is more painful, more troublesome than your condition like this.”

There was no fatigue that Fauzi felt, only anxiety, worry and fear that had enveloped his feelings. The feeling of being tired was nothing compared to all the pain that flooded him at this moment.

Fauzi grabbed his phone, if the woman he loved returned to his parents' house. Although initially Fauzi did not want to worry his mother-in-law about this situation, Fauzi could no longer hold it back.

“Bu, is Salwa there?” Ask Fauzi for a moment, when the phone is connected.

“Nothing, what what? Where's Salwa?”?

“I don't know Mom, I've been looking for her since. But..”

It was clear to Fauzi from across the phone how her tears broke, making her feel guilty.

“I-mom forgive me..”

“Mother will be out looking for Salwa as well, contact Mom immediately when you meet.”

“Iya Ma'am.”

There was a hint of regret that Fauzi felt for contacting her mother-in-law. It was not the whereabouts of Salwa that she had met, only the worry that she had given her Mother-in-law and the guilt that was slowly also starting to take hold of her at this moment.

Fauzi continued his search, running in an uncertain direction while occasionally shouting the name of the mother of his beloved daughter.

I don't know how long Fauzi went around looking for Salwa, but he didn't find it. He also had no news from his mother-in-law who was now looking for Salwa.

The gray shirt he used, was already soaked in sweat. Some of his hair was wet and looked disheveled, his appearance was no longer ripe.

Fauzi paused for a moment, sitting by the side of the road holding his head with a mind that was not rusty. Fauzi can't think clearly anymore.

Fauzi swept the screen of his phone, the phone he was hoping for was apparently not from his mother-in-law, but from his best friend, Farhan.

“Lu where?” farhan asked as Fauzi answered his call.

“Gue?” Fauzi swept around with his gaze. He was also unaware of where he was at the moment. From earlier he was just running around indistinctly looking for the whereabouts of his wife. “Gue is around the house, why Han?”

“Around the house Lu? I'm at Lu's house, sending Salwa”

Fauzi moved quickly. “Lu said what was it? Salwa at home now?”

“Iya, fast reverse gih.”

No more Fauzi's words, he turned off his phone and quickly ran towards his house.

Farhan was already standing with Salwa beside him. Fauzi who was running around immediately approached them. Salwa's smile emanated sweetly aimed at her husband.

Fauzi hugged Salwa, releasing all the anxiety that had been enveloping him.

“Where have you been, baby?? I've been looking for you.”

“Sorry baby, I was also confused where I was going. Luckily I met Farhan on the road, and he told me to come home”

Hearing what Salwa said, it seems that his beloved wife does not remember the letter she wrote before deciding to leave the house.

“Han, thank you very much.”

Farhan just nodded while smiling.

“Come in first.”

Fauzi took his wife to the room to rest, while Farhan waited in the living room.

Fauzi returned to the living room to meet Farhan with a glass of water in his hand.

“Makasih Han, I've been around nyari Salwa earlier, I don't know how it would be if you don't find Salwa”

Farhan simply nodded, sipping a glass of water that Fauzi had prepared for him.

“Why can you let go?”

“Gue designed the document earlier, but only briefly I did not monitor Salwa, and something like this has happened.”

“Lain times, Lu should be more vigilant again.”

“Iya Han. oh yes, where did you meet Salwa?”

“Near the hospital ahead there. I saw he was confused, so I invited him back. I know, he wasn't self-conscious until there”

“Thank God because Lu brought Salwa back. What is it yourself in RS?”

“Gue check the content of Nina, lately her nausea more and more often”

“But he's fine right?”

“Iya.”

Silence created for a moment, Fauzi and Farhan were silent without language. It was as if there was something they wanted to say, yet it was still well thought out before being talked about.

“Han.” Fauzi spoke up first.

“Ya?”

“Today's song came out of the house, not because he was unconscious. Except because his consciousness was normal for a moment, until he decided to get out of home”

“Means Lu?”

Fauzi took out a letter Salwa had written from his pocket, he gave it to Farhan.

Farhan showed a puzzled expression, but still grabbed a piece of paper that he did not know contained.

“Gue doesn't know anything, because Lu is also a child of health, maybe Lu knows a little about this. What is it, there is a possibility that Salwa can think rationally or suddenly can remember everything as it happened?”

Farhan stroked his forehead slowly, slightly observing what had happened to Salwa just now.

“Gue is not too sure, but from what I learned before, people with Alzheimer's can sometimes remember some things that are reality, not just delusions. But it's not a sign he'll recover or improve. Sorry Zi, not that I want to clarify the end of what will happen to Salwa, I just don't want Lu so expect more because of this”

Fauzi was silent for a moment.

“Yes, I shouldn't have expected more. All I can do now is take care of Salwa and keep trying to slow her Alzheimer's.”.

“The Patient, Zi”

Fauzi just forced himself to smile.

Seeing Fauzi's state, Farhan finally abandoned his intention to say the thing he wanted to say before.