Dear, Soul!!

Diaries (2)

I have forgotten what my original purpose was here. I sat down to read seriously a book that seemed to be Fauzi's diary. I had forgotten about the thermometer and the Fauzi compresses too whose body temperature started to rise again.

I re-opened the next page, read it seriously and occasionally melt each time I found words that were quite romantic.

"Thank you for the opportunity this time, I won't repeat the same mistake and I won't make you cry like this again, I don't want you to go again, Salwaku.."

Yes, Fauzi was right not to make me cry again because of his mistake, but still I cried because of Fauzi but it was not because of his fault, but rather my own fault.

"I wish what I saw today was a dream or just a mistake.."

This is when? I try to remember. Ah, this is when I was hospitalized.Maybe the point of Fauzi's writing is when he saw me being with Farhan that day, from his writing this can make me feel how disappointed and sick Fauzi was at that time.

I went back to check the sheet of paper that still contains the writing, I can't wait to see the end of the handwriting in this book.

"I'm sorry, I can't help it anymore. Sorry I couldn't make my feelings stronger, sorry because I couldn't pretend to be okay and sorry because I couldn't stay by your side anymore Salwa, it's all my fault that makes you love anyone but me. Excuse me from your life for a moment, I'll be back when the time comes.."

Reading this made me recall those bad memories.

Waitwait.. Fauzi wrote to disappear from my life for a moment and he's coming back? So about my meeting with Fauzi right now?? About my familiarity with Fauzi at this time is not a coincidence but because Fauzi really has started to re-enter my life??

The next sheet is almost the same as the previous few sheets, which only write one sentence on each sheet with a different date. "I miss it, but I have to hold it.." This sentence is written over and over again.

"Hay Salwa's.. I've already lost to my defense today and chose to come see you after so long I've never seen you this close. You are still as beautiful as ever and still love to thrill my heart. Haha I don't know if you look funny today, even though this is just my guess I feel Salwa is misunderstanding today against Afifah. You're still the way you used to be, drawing conclusions from what you saw without finding out the truth.."

Ck, he seemed to deliberately make me misunderstand that time. Why am I upset to remember.

I open the next sheet. "Loh, just another sheet? This is the last sheet?" I muttered while opening up the Fauzi's book sheet hoping there were still a few more sheets I could read. I seem to be addicted to reading it.

"I'm ready, I'll come.. We're all grown up and I think it's time..."

The last weakness that only a few words had written made me confused. "What's ready? Where's he going?" Thought confused.

I was kind of disappointed to read the end of Fauzi's handwriting, I still wanted more and more writing why it ended up with words like that, words I didn't understand the point.

I closed the book and put it back where I found it.

"Astaaagaaa..." I was surprised after remembering it.

I hurried to Fauzi with a compress and a thermometer.

"Milk..." Excruciate.

I was surprised to see Fauzi lying down regardless of my call.

"O ozii. banguunnn..." I'm trying to resuscitate Fauzi.

Slowly Fauzi opened his eyes.

"I'm tired, I'm gonna sleep a little.." Said slowly.

I checked Fauzi's body temperature using a thermometer to find out his current body temperature. "Ah she's still feverish.." Mumbles.

Fauzi went back to sleep, probably due to her body temperature that kept rising until she had trouble opening her eyes and choosing to fall asleep instead. I accompanied her while continuing to change her compresses and checked her body temperature periodically.

.

.

.

.

I didn't know when my consciousness was gone either, apparently from exhaustion and from being bored without a storymate and just waiting for Fauzi to fall asleep made me sleepy as well and fall asleep for a while.

"Away awake?" Asked Fauzi who seemed to have been watching me fall asleep.

"When did you wake up?"

"Not answered, my question was answered.." Complain Fauzi.

I quickly held onto Fauzi's forehead to check Fauzi's body temperature and went back to check it with a thermometer to confirm the actual temperature.

"It's still a little feverish.." Mumbles.

I took the porridge on the table that I had prepared earlier. "Well, it's cold.. I'll heat the porridge for a second.."

"No need.." Fauzi. "Let that be it.."

"But it's cold, it must be bad.."

"It's good because you cook.." Goda Fauzi's. My heart is starting to not be able to condition its beat anymore.

I helped Fauzi to sit down to make it easier to eat.

"Today you have to take medicine.. Your fever is not very high but you still have to take medicine.." I said as I prepared a fever-relief medicine for Fauzi.

"But my body isn't hot like it was.."

"Yes, but still in the fever category. If you don't take the medicine now the heat's coming up again.."

"You'll stay here, won't you if I get better?" I asked to look at me.

I paused for a moment to look at him and averted my eyes.

"If you're cured, I'll go home, why else would I stay here if you're healed" I replied.

Fauzi put down his spoon.

"Why? Full already? But eat you a little.."

"If I eat and keep taking medicine, I'll be cured.."

"Yes, that's good, right??"

Fauzi fell silent, looked at me for a moment and then looked down.

"Why?" I'm confused.

"I want you here first, don't go.." Fauzi looked at me with his beautiful gaze.

"Why should I..."

"Can you just stay here for today??"

"Because.."

"I don't know.." Fauzi said cutting my words. "I just want you to be here..." His tone began to rise.

I've never seen a Fauzi like this, showing me his ego. I know, Fauzi would act like he usually does when he's sick but I didn't know it was like this.

"Aren't you able to get me just this once??"Ask with a face.

I'm rattled. I'm happy to be able to accompany and take care of Fauzi like this, but on the other hand I still put limits on my feelings just preparation if in the end I am not the woman who will accompany Fauzi at least my feelings will not be too hurt.