Forever Love

Not Same Again

 

Qania POV

 

In the past, I was so excited to go home to see my son, Arqasa. I can't wait to meet him at his final resting place and share all my grievances. Telling my story and also establishing my heart that there will only be his name in the tomb that is the owner.

I spent even more time visiting him even without a warm welcome. Of course, he couldn't possibly do that. A long time ago, I was sobbing, roaring to ask him to come back to me and say I was just dreaming and all was well.

In the past, every time I went home my goal was to greet him. Saying a word of love that is still hers. I never intended to share this heart with anyone else.

But today, I went home in a state that was no longer the same. It's not like I can't wait to visit him. Today even I was just busy cleaning my Arkan room. The room where there are many pictures of me and pictures of both of us and also the fruit of our love, Arqasa. The room that bears witness to the sanctity of our love and also witnesses where we are both halal couples.

Imagining it makes me powerless to pull these lips to curl. Very sweet. I can't even forget every second of our time together. I never even imagined there would be such an event. Something so evil separated us. I want to hate this world and the Creator, but I know all are destiny lines and I am just a servant who will run it, whether I am able to face the test from Him or I fail.

I even felt empty when I knew that the one behind the tomb was not my Arkan. The sense of happiness is of course there considering there is still a chance if my Arkan is still alive but because I have been used to sharing my story and pour out everything in my heart there then it feels completely different this time.

I looked at my phone ringing. I wrinkled my forehead because it was a video call from Tristan. Scroll clock, it's nine o'clock now and that means Arqasa's coming home from school and I'll pick him up. All right, I'll just have a chat with him for a little five and ten minutes.

"Dear Assalamu'alaikum" he said with his face adorned with a smile while I just raised my eyebrows.

"If the lawful salutation is answered" he said again, chuckling, I could see from where he was sitting, not in the hospital.

"Wa'alaikum greetings," I answered briefly.

"Shortly solid clear," he said with laughter and I just put on a flat face.

He started telling me about the development of Marsya who might be coming home in two or three days and I just answered with the words 'hm, yes, yup, no, he'e, hu'u' and other short words that made him upset because he had been so long to tell a story but instead I just say doang.

"You mad?" Tristan asked me that but I didn't answer.

Getting angry? I'm not angry at all. Just talking to that non-Arkanaku man in our room was something I didn't want to do if I didn't have to. My heart kept telling me that I was a traitor even though that man could be my Arkana, Arkana Wijaya.

"No, I just want to be a good listener" I replied reasoned.

"Oh that. Emm, I want to get ready for dawn prayers first. I woke up missing you" said Tristan, who made me smile.

"Yes, don't talk to me for long, your fiancee will be suspicious" said the Qania circus.

"Geez, baby, I'm not in her nursery. I'm in this mushollah" said Tristan.

"Oh," I answered briefly and just rounded my mouth.

"I close first yes, Assalamu'alaikum prospective makmum," he said sweet like Arkana.

"Wa'alaikum salutations."

I let out a sigh of relief. Staring at the phone that already displays wallpaper hpku and again feel empty.

Sometimes I feel like Tristan is my Arkan but sometimes I feel like he is Tristan. I sometimes feel so in love with him but on the other hand I also feel bland with him. Sometimes I feel like she's so close to my heart, but I often feel like she's so foreign to me.

I am confused by my heart and my mind. But I am sure this has indeed been arranged by the Supreme Being turning my heart. For whatever reason I was so upset at my own feelings. I was so unstable and unlike the old me. They are self-controlled, consistent and untouchable. But this, I was so childish.

I got out of bed and took my bag to get to Arqasa school. The distance from here to the school is about twenty minutes and currently it is still thirty minutes before school. Let it be okay to wait for him instead of waiting for something as uncertain as Tristan Anggara.

"Eh I thought what the hell, so strange," I muttered softly at this head.

Before I closed the door, I looked at a large picture of myself that read 'Wingless Angel' and I threw a smile but not to my face but to the man who put it there. One thing I believe in is that Arkana loves me very much.

Crossing the cemetery area I casually approached there and just glanced from the car glass that I lowered. Apparently true, the tomb is no longer there and all that remains is a police line. I smiled bitterly then closed the car window and rushed to Arqasa school.

"I'm sure God's plan is far more beautiful than I expected. He was the best planner and designer and I put it all on Him" I said, wiping off the tears and replacing them with a smile.

Qania POV end ....

Qania parked her car near Arqasa's school gate and went out and greeted her school guards. As soon as he arrived, the students were already scattering home with their parents. I smiled at Arqasa coming out with his haughty face and not greeting anyone who greeted him.

"Ar became quiet this week, Ma'am," said Pak Urip, the Kindergarten school guard.

"Can't you sir?" asked Qania who was astonished, she knew her son was a little haughty but he was not quiet either.

"Come ma'am, pity his friends who say hello but Ar ignore. He was invited to play even he did not want to" said Mr. Urip again.

"Hmm, I'll ask my son sir. Thanks for the info, if you don't tell me I won't know either. I just arrived last night and haven't had a lot of conversations with him" Qania said a little worriedly. He thought about why his son became like that.

"Assalamu'alaikum, Mi," Arqasa said, kissing the back of her Mammya's hand.

"Wa'alaikum greetings dear. Yuk's home. We go first, sir. Assalamu'alaikum" said Qania kindly.

"Wa'alaikum salam" replied Mr. Urip.

Qania and Arqasa were already in the car, he noticed that Arqasa was quiet.

"Are you going to eat out, not like Mami?" tanya Qania opened the conversation.

"Boleh Mi. Wherever the same origin of Mami," he said.

Qania felt shocked to hear it. It was like a sign that her son was not okay. Something made him look sad.

Qania simply nodded, not intending to ask again. Later when they had eaten and Ar felt calmer, Qania thought.

Qania also took Arqasa to their cafe near the park. Fero greeted them with pleasure and Qania asked for their food to be delivered to the room only because he wanted to talk to Arqasa.

The food is served. Qania took the initiative to feed Arqasa because he usually refused on the grounds that it was big. But this time it was different, he quickly grabbed the food from a spoon and ate it with pleasure. More and more make Qania feel there is something strange with the child.

Qania also increasingly eager to eat his food and feed Arqasa until they do not feel their food and drink is no longer left.

"Well, now it's full. Mommy can't it be the same Ar?" ask Qania carefully.

"Please Mi," said Arqasa staring at the Mami.

"Mami noticed Ar is now strange. Silent and also lacking in spirit. Mami also sees Ar as sad, what's up?" qania asked slowly and softly.

Arqasa was silent, but moments later he hugged his mother.

"Mi, Ar is afraid that Mami will leave Ar. Mama doesn't have to go back there. Ar wants Mami here with Ar. Don't go there again. Ar wants to be alone with Mami, Ar misses Mami. Ar can't miss Mami. Hixes. Mami please be here with Ara ya Mi. Accompany Ar. Ar doesn't have a Daddy and only has a Mom. Ar wants to be with Mami, with Mami every day. Ar lonely Mi, hikss," Arqasa's cry broke out along with Qania who also couldn't help but cry.

Finally he knew the contents of his son's heart all this time. In his heart he promised to finish college soon and take care of his son again. He also blames himself for choosing college again and leaving his son. He was the same, feeling longing and lonely but he did not say.

"Ar, Mami promised to finish Maki's college soon. Two more weeks Maminja promise will be finished soon. Ar is patient, son. Mom not long. Mami try to make it quickly finished. Mami also misses Ar, Mami is lonely. Mami promises Ar, Mami will soon be together with Ar, every day, every hour every time together with Ar. Mami just asked Ar to be patient, not for a month kok son. We'll get back together. Mami Iang very much the same Ar, sorry Mami ya Nak," said Qania with tears, he increasingly tightened his embrace in the child's small body.

Arqasa just continued to nod his head while sobbing in his tears. He also did not want to tell her that he actually hated Tristan who he considered his Daddy.

Mi, Ar just wants Mami. It's okay if Daddy doesn't exist. The important thing is that Mami is with Ar, that's enough.