Forever Love

QANIA POV

Qania POV

Ever since I met Elin and listened to her words, I kept thinking.

What if I've done something wrong by locking my heart? Am I wrong to defend my loyalty?

Elin's words were like an alarm that kept ringing in my ear. I also admit that what he said was true. But my heart still rejects the truth. I kept trying to stop myself from giving my heart to anyone.

Just Arkana, she's the only one I want forever to occupy the recesses of my heart. But back again, life goes on. I cannot stop when the one I love stops first. There is still a long journey that I have to travel and I will not be able to pass everything without a companion and amplifier.

The sound of Elin echoing in my ears made me realize that my son will not be a toddler forever. One day he will be married and his focus will be on his family and me, I will be alone. He would only look at me once and take care of me.

Then what should I do? Accept who? Honestly this heart still hopes Tristan is Arkana even though the possibility is very small. But I kept hoping.

I know I was wrong to give Raka hope, but I hope the letter I gave her can make her understand that I am not accepting anyone to fill my heart. All the words I ever said and made Raka wish it was driving me crazy! How could I brag like that just to deny Tristan's presence? The end of all this is a hurt Raka and I continue to blame myself and Tristan who finally disappointed me.

Why am I in a situation like this? Where is my strength and spirit and focus? I who used to just want to think about studying and quickly finished college and immediately went home to hug my Arqas.

What am I supposed to do now? Did I get into this circle? It hurt two people because of my inconsistent attitude. Whahuh? What do I have to do to straighten this out? Whahuh?

"Hahh .. I feel like I want to shout as loud as possible to let go of all my problems."

That face, my son's face, the face of my husband's who is now either alive or gone. I don't know! I'm confused! That dream, a dream that until now was difficult for me to translate and until now successfully made me nervous and continue to think about the possibility there. Possibilities I always call.

Did Tristan? Is Tristan my Arkan? Given his treatment and attitude towards me, given the photo, the photo of Tristan High School that should look shabby or old-fashioned actually looks new. But that has not been the conclusion that he is Arkanaku. Everyone needs proof.

"Then, if he's Arkanaku, then who's lying on the ground with my husband's name? Who's wearing our engagement ring? Who?"

I wanted to scream, but I knew I would wake my handsome son. Staring at his shady face made my heart warm as well as sick.

"Wait, if he's my Arkan and like he's lost his memory, but back then there wasn't a single memory of me? It should have been when we met there was a possibility that he remembered me, our memories even if only a little. But this, even he didn't have any bodily response when he met me. But ... but it felt like the kiss was exactly the same as the Arkana kiss. Is she Arkana because I feel her kiss? Or do all those kisses taste the same? I don't know about it because I just kissed Arkana, huhhh ...."

I looked into those tiny eyes slowly twitching. Ah, my handsome son has apparently returned from his dream adventure.

"Assalamualaikum Mami's handsome son," my broom my cat kissed her two cheeks.

"Wa'alaikum salam Mi," he replied and I saw he was still yawning.

"Where is it good?" ask me again because I know my son will certainly be very tired after making a flight both far and near.

"Lumayan anyway, Mi. What time is Mi?" he said while circulating the view maybe looking for a clock while covering his mouth with his hands because it still continues to evaporate.

"Almost four o'clock, baby. A little more we take a shower, yes" I said as I ruffled her hair. I don't know, every time I see my son I'm always full of anxiety and admiration, even I worry about falling in love with him. The look in his eyes was so similar to that of his Daddy and I who was always lethargic stared at by Arkana was now made to melt by the gaze of my own son.

"I took a bath myself Mi, when I took a bath with Mami. I'm a pervert."

What the f*ck! That's my son just said I was a pervert?! I'm pervert? What the fuck!

"Ar, you're telling me Mami's a pervert? Which language is that, hemm?" my real question in my heart is harboring resentment.

"I heard the news on Mi's tv." The short and cold answer made my blood boil.

"Arqasa Vijaya! This is your Mami, why are you talking to Mami?" I spoke to him with great emphasis hoping that my son would understand that I did not like his words earlier and also suppress my feelings that had been struggling to get angry.

"Udah Mi, don't worry. I want to take a shower first" he said as he got out of bed and walked to the bathroom ignoring my gaze as if this eyeball wanted to jump out.

"RAVEL WIJAYAAA!! Indeed, you are indeed Arkana Wijaya's son! You're both annoying men," I cried out as soon as my son closed the bathroom door.

Hah, it feels like my patience will be tested for these two weeks. How can God be so unfair to me? I am pregnant, I give birth and my son is made similar to Arkana until the nature of both is the same. What an injustice so apparent!

Drrrtnt ...

Shaking my phone over the nightstand distracts me. I stood up and walked to get my phone.

New number? Wh who?

I was confused as to whether or not to answer, but what if it was an important call. Yes, I will answer.

"Mania ...."

I almost dropped my phone if I didn't wake up. I know that voice, my Arkan voice. But I'm sure a thousand percent of the people who are calling me are Tristan.

"L-yes," I said, honestly I was confused whether I just turned off the phone or kept talking to him. Me, I was nervous and that's somehow. Or maybe because of the letter.

"We need to talk about Qania."

W-what's wrong with me? Why just talking on the phone with Tristan was so nervous and I had trouble controlling myself, inner Qania.

"Hallo, hello Qania."

"Yes. If you want to say yes just talk," I replied trying to be strict.

"Qan, in three days I will be engaged and if you love me, then help me thwart the plan. Please Qania, I want to hear a word that makes me excited."

I could only sigh deeply then I exhaled slowly. I swear I don't want to abuse Tristan until it hurts Marsya.

"Sorry Tristan, I think you've read my letter and I know you can draw your own conclusions. We're two strangers, even if you're engaged, it's none of my business. I don't care and I don't think I have any business with you. Remember Tristan, we are strangers, strangers!"

I took my word and I was sure Tristan across the street was disappointed, heard from his breath. I'm confused! I don't know what to say, I haven't had the time to put words together to answer her wishes. It's too sudden for me. Honestly there's a little part of my heart that hurts to hear that she's getting engaged. But I can what? Preventing? That's impossible because it's not my part. If he was really my Arkan, then I would. It would be crazy if I allowed my husband to get engaged to someone else.

"Qania, it's not like that."

Tristan's weak voice made me feel weak as well. So what, what should I do? Prevented it? Impossible!

I put my phone away and then I took a deep breath and then I exhaled slowly. It is very difficult to speak with a situation of the heart that is in dilemma.

"Lantas, what do you want?" I asked in a quiet voice, really it was not a slow intention but I was like losing my energy.

"I want, all I want is simple Qania. Please prevent me, please help me convince myself to cancel all this."

What am I supposed to do now? I really don't know what to do. Am I following Tristan's wishes? And Marsya?

"I'll think about it." That's all I said to her and then I turned off the phone when I saw my beloved son come out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his body.

My smile expands. I put my phone on the bed and walked over to my son.

"Ar, let Mami take her clothes, yes" I said and then opened my closet.

"Thank you Mi" she said, styling her hair in front of the mirror.

I gave her clothes and helped her put them on. My son smiled and it made my heart beat.

Am I in love with my own son? Haha, very funny, no.

"Well, since Ar is handsome, it's Mami's turn to take a shower. Ar can play in the room or out playing with uncle yes," I said as I took my bathing suit from the closet.

Deggs ...

L saw. I saw the white dress I wore at my engagement with Arkana. My mind is now in disarray because it remembers Tristan.

"Should it?"

I tried to shake my mind then rushed into the bathroom. Maybe taking a shower will help me refresh my mind.

Qania POV end ...

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Next part followed yes 😊😊

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