Secret of the Heart

Crying Inside

While on the plane to our city, Miko still looks sad. The hand I was holding was still holding. I looked at Miko with a bit of anxiety even though I was also very sad.

"Are you ok, Beb?"

Miko looked over and kissed me on the forehead.

"You're the one I'm more worried about, don't pass out later."

I looked at Miko and almost cried. How could he even worry about me being the one who left was his mother. This man in front of me was acting strong, although I knew he was also devastated.

"I love you."

Half-whispering I hugged Miko's arm and put my head on her shoulder.

"Too."

Miko came back to kiss me on the forehead, I don't know this kind of feeling we're feeling. Just wanted to start happy but bad news came unexpectedly.

"I was sad, because all my parents left without saying goodbye, without me accompanying them. Maybe it's been the fate of a Miko always like this."

"I promise you, I won't be like them. Later if I leave I'll make sure you're next to me."

"I will never allow you to go away from me Beb, will not," Miko asserted as she placed her head on top of my head.

*******

The funeral home was very crowded when we arrived. Mas Tito greeted Miko with a hug while sobbing.

"I'm sorry Mas Mik, Mas doesn't believe it feels too fast either. Though Mas wanted to call you yesterday tell Mama's sick, but Mama's gone first."

"Yes, it's okay."

I wiped away the tears I couldn't stop when I entered the house. Especially when he saw the crying Dance beside Luthfi. I rushed over and hugged him. I know Dance is the one who loses the most.

She cried so hard while hugging me, without saying anything. Just crying and hugging me, so I could feel the sadness and loss. After a while I just let go of Dance's embrace.

"Dari... lest it hurt," whispered my nod from Tari.

I looked to the side, seeing Lina holding Mama's hand while crying. I immediately approached and hugged his shoulder.

"I'm sorry Kia Kak, we're late."

Lina turned her head while shaking her head. Holding my hand with the other hand without letting go of your hand.

"Kia. She needs to be happy so that she can calm down. Mama always remembered Mama's mistake with Kia until she wanted to close her eyes. So if anything happens to your relationship, tell Brother, let's get it done in family."

"Kia believes Kak, Miko is the right person for Kia. So you don't worry."

Miko approached as I spoke to Lina's sister, she hugged me who was still sobbing.

"So good husband Mik, Big Brother trusts you."

"Thank you, brother."

*********

From the back of the guest sitting, I saw Mama with Lala also attending the service. Immediately I approached them, I could not cry back sobbing while hugging Mama. Miko approached us, Mama quickly let go of my embrace and hugged Miko tightly.

"Must be strong Mik, this is your Mama too. Remember you have many people who love you;" Mama said, patting Miko on the shoulder.

Miko nodded weakly, strange as I thought. Why did not Miko cry even though all her brothers could not cover up the sadness. My memories drifted during Papa's death where Bimo didn't cry at all and didn't even show the slightest sad look. But at that moment I knew he needed my strength. It made me even more convinced that Miko now harbors a deep but invisible sadness.

"Mother's boy is strong, ' a subtle voice made us look back. It turns out that Mother's home is also there. Miko hugged Mommy with a thin smile covering the sadness of her heart.

"Thank you Ma, thank you Mother," said Miko by looking at Mama and Mommy alternately.

**********

The funeral service went on solemnly. It seems that everyone is ready for the departure of Mama. The dance that had been so sad was now rather calm. The last time I heard Miko talk to him.

"Mama is happy Dance, don't be sad. He no longer felt ill because of illness."

It was very different from Miko's attitude, when we were both in the car now. Before he came home he still looked strong and not even a single tear came out at the funeral home. But now that the look on the face of the person I love looks sad, he took a few deep breaths and exhaled again. Like something was being held back from earlier and wanted to be removed in the chest.

Immediately I held Miko's hand despite still holding the steering wheel.

"Later home I give you a warm hug" I persuaded.

My words managed to make Miko smile, she looked at me and kissed my hand.

"Or more than that, too," I said, hiding the face on her shoulder.

Little laugh Miko managed to make the atmosphere a little warm.

*******

The atmosphere was cold when we returned home. The welcoming mother told us to eat. I saw that Papa and Andi were ready at the dinner table.

"Same Miko wants to take a bath first Ma. Mama and the others ate first."

"Later to prepare, eat in the room," said Mama as if to understand our feelings.

"No need Ma, we will eat here only," Miko refused subtly.

"Yes it's up to you."

******

"It's over?"

I greeted Lala who was standing up wanting to get up from the dining table.

"Yes... Beny wants to sleep."

"Cock fast really, hasn't slept since?"

"If left with his father, he won't be able to sleep."

I just realized that Lala had come to mourn until she finished with Mama.

"I'm first, you're patient" said Lala, patting me on the shoulder and smiling at Miko behind me.

He also finished eating, sitting in front of the television. Only my mother accompanied us.

Old Mama looked at Miko, then smiled a little.

"Don't be discouraged Mik, Mama is also your Mama. You're so lucky to have a Mama."

"Yes Ma.... Miko's ready, don't worry."

"What's important is that your mother has seen you get married. So now try to be happy so that he does not suffer there. Everyone has problems, solve them well without causing anyone pain."

"The Mama's worried is not really you Mik but Kia. Doubtful he could not face it later. So please Mama give a lot of your understanding to Kia."

"You think Kia's still like old times?"

I slightly sewot mengengsung Mama's words, how could Mama still think I'm a spoiled child.

"Prove that you are a good wife. Don't make Mama doubt later. Miko, Mama can finally talk at length with you. From now on Mama doesn't interfere with both of you, but remember Mama can still give you advice."

"Now you eat, if you keep talking won't be finished."

Mom stood up and let us both eat.

*******

"Miko's in?" Mom's question surprised me who was cleaning the table.

"Yes Ma, Kia told me to rest first. Maybe Miko needs a minute to be alone."

"Strong man," his sis Mama helped me.

"Miko didn't even cry when her mother's body was buried. Exactly when Bimo who lost his Papa first, did not cry even a little."

"Mama remember?"

"Sure, how could Mama have forgotten. Because that's the beginning of disaster for you."

I was silent, it was true that was the beginning of the trouble for both of our families. Thankfully, we were able to make peace.

"Mama's happy Kia, the man you're with is always a strong man. But no matter how hard they must be his heart was very sad."

"Destiny Kia good then Ma."

I sat back down after it was all over. Confusion struck, what should I say to comfort Miko. Miko must be sad to lose Mama and I'm not a good entertainer for that matter.

I take a deep breath, let's see later when we're with Miko. Just flowing all hopefully can ease Miko's grief.

*****

The door of the room opened slowly, I deliberately opened it slowly so as not to disturb Miko. Afraid that she was sleeping and I woke up to the sound of the door.

But what I saw was Miko standing in front of the balcony. With the cup of coffee I made just now, he came in. The evening sky leading up to dusk accompanied Miko who was speechless staring at the scenery in front of the road.

From behind I saw Miko still standing in front, occasionally she exhaled. I was still silent just to notice. Slowly the burly shoulder moved down and up. Shaken several times and Miko lowered her head, laying on the balcony railing regardless of the cup that fell on the floor.

"My husband is crying" I cried in my heart.

Unaware of my tears coming out, this heart hurts so much. I even sat down at the door with my mouth shut, holding back so as not to make a sound. These various things, what should I do, I still sat holding my sobs while trying to calm down. I don't want to bother Miko with the sound of my crying.

I could only stare from afar at how Miko endured the grief. He also hit the chest several times, it made me even more unable to resist sobs. My mind felt like running around hugging her but I paled for fear that Miko would be shocked. So I let her let go and I waited for the moment to calm down.

A few minutes later Miko raised her head and shouted as if releasing all the tightness in her chest.

"Aaaaa."

Slowly I saw Miko had calmed down and I immediately stood over even though I was still sobbing in tears.

"Hai Beb... Are you okay?"

I gently hugged Miko from behind. Miko gasped in surprise, she probably didn't think I was coming. I saw him quickly rubbing his face and turned to look at me with a smile.

"Everything is ok."

"No. Why do I feel you're not good."

Slowly I held her cheek, it felt really wet.  I pulled Miko's hand to invite in, because the wind was blowing a bit hard.

"Let's go in, it'll hurt."

He complies and follows my will. Even when I sat on the bed Miko came along without refuting.

"Here," asked me while patting my pillow.

But Miko was lying on my thigh and hugging my waist.

"I want to hug you, can't then.  Let's lie down next to me."

Miko tightened her embrace while shaking her head.

"That's all."

We were silent for a long time, Miko just played my palm in her hand and I stroked her head gently.

"I'm sorry, I don't know how to comfort you. Do you want to talk about something? I'll be a good listener."

She hesitated and thought, and then she started looking at me.

"They always go without a word. Go without saying goodbye to me. Always think what I mean to them."

"My mother threatened me the day before my death. Never dare to cry out of sadness, if you do that you will never forgive. Those words were embedded in my brain until now, so from then until now even though I was sad I just cried in my heart."

Miko's eyes glared at the ceiling of the room. The sadness emanated in his eyes made my heart slice in pain.

"You mean to me Beb. You are the person who means the most to me" I whispered without feeling my tears dripping down Miko's forehead lying down looking at me.

"Hey.I'm sorry if it makes you sad," Miko was shocked to see my reaction to her sadness.

Miko got up and hugged me.

"I promise I won't be like them. I will not leave you without a word. Will love you forever. Never would you dare hurt me."

For the umpteenth time I made a promise to Miko, so that she would know a Kia would not disbelieve. Miko smiled widely and nodded hearing my firmness She then removed the clear fur on my cheek.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

***********

**One of the things that makes men cry is the loss of a loved one. They rarely show emotions of sadness so don't get me wrong about that.

**Sweeping is a form of sad emotions, otherwise crying is not necessarily not sad. Don't cry looking so sad because who knows it's all just fake.

**Sorry my beloved raeder just updated now. I hope someone will read this novel. I'd actually like to change the title to "Kia Story" the title of a story like a biography of a Kia, but it's still being considered. If anyone wants advice, and criticism can write a comment in the comment field.

**Thank you to everyone who still supports Kia. Still want to read vote gift like and comment. I was surprised that there was still a love for Kia. I love you all, you are the best.  Stay healthy.. stay happy. Thank you, see you next time.

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