Mr. Hephephobias

CHAPTER 49 - Your Dreams are Yours

Lucia knocks on Rayn's door, and Ryan replies by asking her to wait. Not long after Rayn opened the door, he allowed Lucia to enter. Lucia did not go straight in, she still peeked by stabbing the guerrilla eyes throughout the room. Only Lucia's head passed through the door with her body still outside.

“Wahhh. Seriously can I come in?” ask Lucia.

Ryan nodded. “If you still doubt it is better not to" replied Rayn about to close the door but Lucia's feet quickly held the door.

“No patience once" he said then entered.

Lucia immediately approached a painting that seemed to be working on Rayn. A painting of a building like a palace that looks old age. The painting that was still in half the workmanship had amazed Lucia.

“Is this a painting you said should be completed soon?” tanyakanya. Rayn simply replied with a nod and a smile then sat down on the chair to continue.

As if on a tour of the Museum, Lucia went around looking at the entire room. Some painting tools such as brushes, paint, canvas, and easel boards are neatly arranged in place. Some of the paintings look not yet to the finishing stage.

Rayn just stared at Lucia who seemed busy groping one of her works. “You don't want to accompany me to explain to me the meaning of each of your works?” lusia's question suddenly made Rayn turn her eyes back to the painting she was working on.

“Then I have to how? Walking in front explains like a tour guide or I have to be behind you like an assistant or saleswoman who follows you around” he replied without looking at Lucia by staying busy pouring her scratches on top canvas paper. "ask me what you want to know" continued Rayn.

“Hahaha. Continue, please continue painting. I can see it myself” replied Lucia.

“Soal painting, is it just a hobby or all this time is your job? I mean, what initially was just filling your vacancy at Villa. Since when did you start?” ask Lucia.

That question made him stop his brushstrokes. “I've been very long love to paint. It's been a long time, even before I had this phobia” he said softly by lowering the brush and getting sharper looking at the painting in front of him. Lucia's question seemed to have reminded him of the past that became the beginning of he began to paint.

Hearing Rayn's tone of voice that seemed different, Lucia immediately approached him. He grabbed a chair for her to sit on and swiped it right next to Ryan.

“Is there something wrong with my question?” tanya Lucia hesitated.

Rayn shook her head, she briefly ruffled Lucia's hair gently then smiled. “Why do you look more baper than me” he asked.

Lusia just fell silent like a statue and resignedly accepted Rayn's treatment. He tidied his hair while looking at Rayn who was without sin returned to his activities. “I'm just afraid if it offends you” he said.

While continuing to paint, Ryan told me that he had started to know paintings since childhood. His late mother was a painting artist. His mother even went to art school. But his mother's dream as a painter must be lost since marrying his father. His father, who loved his mother very much, spoiled his wife in a different way. He forbade his mother to do many things including working as a painter, which was the mother's ideal.

Rayn's father thought if painting was just to make money then it was very unnecessary. Because he was able to meet all the needs of his wife. But if painting is only as self-satisfaction, then he can do it occasionally as a hobby that does not take up much time.

"For my mother if it's proof of my father's care and love that I don't want my mother to spend a lot of time painting all day. But. I can see if he likes painting more than just a hobby. I can see that from how he taught me” Rayn said.

"So you started painting because of your mother?" ask Lucia.

Rayn was trying to hold back the tightness she felt at this moment. He closed his eyes and took a slow breath. “The longer I paint, the more I start to really like it. And I began to feel how frustrated my mother was when she had to take it off. The same thing I feel right now. There's not much I can do with my limitations. I can't be myself and show the world every.. “ Rayn's words are interrupted. He wiped his tears with a breath of shock as he held back his crying.

“If the accident had not happened and if only he was still here. I will be the one who will always support him to pursue his dreams back. I will fight at all costs to make him a painter. I.... “ Rayn's speech was again interrupted. Her tears were now completely flowing down her cheeks. Seeing that Lucia's tears fell down, he approached and hugged Rayn and patted her on the shoulder.

“Now there was nothing I could do, I was the one who actually ended his dream by robbing him of his life. I have taken that dream forever. What I should do. Even now I cannot help myself. I'm too cowardly, I don't dare look at the world. I just keep hiding."

There was the sound of Rayn's crying and sobbing. Lucia hugged Rayn with tears. “It's not your fault Rayn. Everything is destiny, this is really not your fault” he said by patting Rayn on the shoulder.

Rayn was still crying in Lucia's arms. “I love painting so much, I like it Lucia very much. But it's getting harder, it's really hard for me who always remembers it in every stroke of ku”.

“I did it to continue my mother's dream, all I did for my mother's sake. It was just figurative words that fooled myself into encouraging me to be able to paint. That's not true, I did it because I also love painting. I did it because I also wanted to be a painter. But the guilt towards my mother continued to torment me. I really feel bad. I feel selfish choosing to continue my dream after what happened with my mother.”

Lucia let go of her embrace, she looked at Rayn after wiping the tears on Rayn's cheek. “Rayn listen to me. What happened to your mother is not your fault. Your mother gave up her dream - it was her choice. It is not your duty to continue. And if you really like painting right now, it's because you don't like it because of your guilt about your mother. You should be able to cast off your mother's shadow. When you become a painter, it's the result of your struggle. Your mother's dream is your mother's dream and your dream is your own Ryan.” He hugged Rayn.

Rayn has known painting from childhood. His mother introduced Rayn to painting and taught him how to paint. Like children his age, painting was difficult. He still wants to play and enjoy the world of children that should be his right rather than painting. But knowing the sadness of his mother, Rayn decided to follow the direction of the mother. He lied to his mother if he wanted to be a painter. The lies are only for the sake of pleasing the mother.

Starting from the lie he began to explore the art of painting. Eventually he really liked painting and wanted to be a painter like his mother. But his dream was mixed with that of his mother. The shadow of guilt about the mother's death continues to bind and torment her every time she paints.

He felt unworthy to continue his dream as a painter. He even gave up by burning all his works before finally getting back up to now.

Each of Rayn's paintings illustrates her sadness while painting. All of that is contained in every scratch of his work that makes the painting more visible alive. Lucia still does not know who Rayn is, she does not know if Rayn is a famous painter who has been recognized by art lovers. He always had amazing work behind his heartbreaking life. It was the biggest event that changed his whole life.

In a different place and at the same time, Mickey also reminisced about that night. He opened the bottom drawer in his room. A small box is locked. He stared at the 2 phones in the box, 1 phone in a condition that had been badly damaged with broken glass and 1 phone intact.

Mickey remembered....

"Mickey can you see it?" ask Rayn. "Rayn's Rayn, listen to my dear mama" call Rayn's mom. "Ray......!!!" continued yelling Rayn's mother followed the noise from the accident that night.

The incident continued to tease Mickey, he was still staring at the phone and closed his eyes with tears. Both are trapped in a past buried in Ryan's memory.

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*** To Be Continued***