Sharing Love: Loving Myself And Herself

Apologizing.

Khanza was not silent anymore, he continued to blame Abizar for his situation.

He continued to let out all the resentment in his heart, letting Abizar know how much his heart ached right now.

Abizar can only apologize for his mistakes. The only words of apology that came out of his mouth answered every piercing question from Khanza.

"Sister, be honest with me. Has there been love in my brother's heart for me?" khanza asked in a stifled voice.

"I told you, I love you so much. I married you because I love you" Abizar explained in his own frustration. 

"No lie, there must be another reason. If you love me, then what is Farah's position in your heart?!"

Abizar speaks a thousand languages. 

"Sister can't answer right, because brother love same Sister Farah, yes!. Love is only for Mba Farah" Khanza said with breath up and down. "If there's love for me in my heart, you won't do this to me. Brother loves her and Khansa this is nothing to brother."

"Khanza, you are also important in my heart your position is the same as Farah. I love you both. I love you and Farah."

"Where can it be like that, brother. I can't share, I want to have your love completely. I want to have you completely, I can't share," Khanza said, hardening his sobs, hitting Abizar's chest, trying to hold her.

That was how he felt at this moment, Hypocritical, indeed hypocritical. Khanza has loved Abizar ever since he first saw him,

He loved Abizar before he knew what his name was, and he still loved him very much after he knew that Abidzar had cheated on him, lied to him, shared his love with other women.

It might sound selfish if Khanza wants Abizar's love and body just for him. But that's the truth. That's what he wanted, to have a complete Abizar.

"Khanza I will try to be fair to you and Farah. I will not discriminate you, you are my wife.

After a heated argument, Khanza could only weep over his fate while Abizar continued to blame himself for being dishonest from the start, he could feel the pain felt by Khanza just hearing the sound of his sobbing.

Abizar rubbed his face rough, trying to regulate his breathing. He must be calm in facing his young wife who is far below his age. Unlike Farah who has a mature and calm nature, that is what adds to Abizar's love for Farah.

Abizar looked at the food on the table and took it back, "Khanza eat first, I beg you, you can get sick if you keep not eating like this."

Abizar brought the plate closer to Khanza and Khanza continued to ignore it.

Abizar took a spoonful and thrust it into Khanza's mouth,

"Khansa, please open your mouth. Eat only a little" said Abizar. 

"I told you, I don't want to eat" Khanza said with a slightly hardened voice and accidentally nudged the food Abizar was holding and the plate fell scattered on the floor.

Make Abizar's emotions more ignited. 

"Look at what you're doing. Can't you eat even a bite. Is it very difficult for you," said Abizar, who has mastered emotion.

Khanza just kept quiet, his guts shriveled hearing Abizar who again snapped at him.

Abizar took a deep breath and exhaled violently, choosing to get out of the room before the emotions got out of his control.

When he came out, Abizar slammed the door making Khanza again surprised.

Khanza stroked his stomach, he knew if the fetus in his stomach was very in need of food intake. His pain and disappointment continued to not allow him to enjoy the food Abizar gave him. 

Not only was Khanza shocked when Abizar slammed the door, Farah who was walking around the room was also shocked when she heard the sound of the door slamming.

"What's up, Mom?"

"Whether he needs to go on such a hunger strike" Abizar said, still with emotion, leaning against the door of his room.

"Try to be calm to face Khanza, he is still very unstable and now he is also being carried away by emotions. His mood must be not good, we should succumb to him," said Farah.

"I know, but he can't forgive us!  We apologized to him, and then what's this hunger strike, what's he doing now. Did he think he was a child, venting his frustration in such a way. What if he is sick, what will the problem be solved," said Abizar then passed to Farah's room.

 His body was very sultry, he was very tired all day working in the office plus the household affairs that made his head hurt.

Abizar chose to clean his body, he deliberately let the shower water wet his head so that his mind could be calmer. Abizar closed his eyes feeling the water drenching his body, contemplating what was really going on in his family. Who's wrong here? Did she? Is it the desire to have children? Is their love wrong? Is it true that he has not loved Khanza and only used him to get a child? the question kept coming to Abizar's mind making his head throb. 

Abizar continued to think about how to persuade Khanza, to accept if he was his second wife and to share with Farah who had sincerely accepted the polygamy that he did.

Finished bathing Abizar came out and saw Farah who was waiting for him, sitting on one side of the bed.

He walked over to Farah with a towel still wrapped around her waist and drops of water falling from her head.

"Mas, Mas has to be patient with Khanza" said Farah taking a small towel and trying to dry her husband's hair, massaging it slowly.

"I'm completely out of my control, again I'm snapping at him." Realizing her mistake and enjoying Farah's light massage on her head.

"Admit it or not, in this case he is the victim, we have been evil to him by bringing him into this marriage without first telling us our status. If I were in Khanza's position, maybe I would have done the same, maybe even more than what Khanza is doing right now. Please, be patient and better understand Khanza's wishes at this time."

"I'll try to talk to him again later" Abizar said.

"I beg you, hold your emotions, Mas!" farah said back to commemorate.

Abizar just nodded at Farah's words.

After feeling calm Abizar returned to the room and saw his wife was asleep. Still heard a hiccup coming out of his mouth, Abizar could see the face as moist as his little wife made his heart feel sliced. 

Slowly Abizar got into the blanket and slept while hugging Khanza.

Khanza, who was used to sleeping while hugging Abizar, involuntarily turned his body and entered Abizar's arms, looking for a comfortable position and returned to deep sleep.

Abizar rubbed Khanza's hair, kissed her forehead and fell asleep.

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