Sharing Love: Loving Myself And Herself

Khanza's Tears

Khanza with tears in his eyes endured the heartache and pain in his stomach from hunger, he could only curl up on his padded mattress.

"How about this, I'm so hungry" Khanza said. However, the pain of his heart overcame the pain in his stomach. He wanted to get out, but his legs felt reluctant to step out, the shadow of the people outside who had lied to him continued to hurt his heart.

Khanza has missed his breakfast, lunch and dinner. Just a snack this afternoon stuck up his stomach. But tonight he was really hungry.

Khanza could hear the roar of Abizar's car that just came from the office, hearing the sound of his car alone had made Khanza's heart again sliced, the shadow of the husband who had been paying attention, giving her a lot of love turns out to have a big lie that she covers up.

"What Abi's leg has never loved me, what this feeling is that I alone feel it. If he doesn't love me and doesn't want me as his wife why should he bring me into this household. He already has Brother Farah why he should put in this kind of situation, I was wrong. I teased him first, but I really don't know if he already has a Wife," inner khanza blamed herself for not really finding out Abizar before teasing the man she loved so much and accepting his proposal.

"There should not be a single bit of data about him, even though he is a successful entrepreneur. Did he intentionally do all that to cover up his status, to tease his employees! There may be another wife whom Kak Abi hides from me" Khanza struggled with his own thoughts, becoming increasingly suspicious of her husband.

Mutual trust, love and love are one of the pillars in building a household that is Sakinah, mawadah, warahmah. Now there is no more trust in Khanza's heart to Abizar, will their household be able to stand firm. The question kept coming to Khanza's mind, I want it to be asking to end their relationship. However, there is a fetus in her womb that must be thought about before taking a step.

The sound of knocking on the door blew away Khanza's daydream.

"Khanza open the door" Abizar's voice hardened behind the door as his knock grew louder.

"Did he never come out of this room?" abi asked his first wife who was also standing next to him looking anxious.

"Yes, Mas. Khanza never came out. He never ate either. I'm afraid something happened to him in there, I already called him, but there's no word from the inside" Farah said.

Abizar again knocked on Khanza's room door and this time he shouted louder and his banging also grew louder.

Khanza who was inside, only saw the door that seemed to want to open because of the pounding from Abizar. Abizar's blaring voice into the room infuriated Khanza and pulled a blanket over his entire body.

"Khanza open the door, otherwise I will break it" Abizar shouted to be carried by Khanza in the room.

"Brack down, break it down," Inner Khanza took a bolster pillow and hugged it tightly.

Draka ….

Abizar really broke down Khanza's bedroom door.

"What, Brother Abi rightly broke down his door," Inner Khanza was shocked. 

As soon as the door opened Farah and Abizar went straight in.

Santi's mother only saw the child and son-in-law, he was increasingly upset to Khanza saw Farah and Abizar who continued to worry about Khanza. His heart grew furious with the honey behavior of his son.

Abizar sat on the edge of Khanza's bed while Farah stood not far from him.

"Khanza!" call Abizar to try to pull Khanza's blanket. However, Khanza further tightened the grip on his blanket. He did not want to see Abizar who had hurt his heart.

"I know you're angry, but at least eat first" Abizar said, pulling Khanza's blanket back on.

Abizar who managed to pull Khanza's blanket could see the face of his second wife.

Khanza took a bolster pillow, hugged him tightly and hid his face there, lying on his back to them, ignoring the presence of Abizar and Farah.

"Khanza, Ma'am get me some food?" said Farah. However, it was not responded by Khanza.

Abizar codes with his gaze to get food for Khanza. Farah went out of the room to the kitchen.

In the room there are only Abizar and Khanza.

"Khanza's. I know I was wrong, I'm sorry, I had no intention of hiding my status" Abizar said, trying to stroke Khanza's back.

"I love you so much, which is why I married you" Abizar added.

Abizar could hear the sound of a small sobbing from behind a bolting pillow hugged by Khanza. His wife was crying again because of him.

Abizar felt frustrated with what was happening right now.

Farah went in to bring food for Khanza.

Before Farah's exit closed the door, she understood that all Khanza needed right now was Abizar, only he could persuade the khanza.

"Eat first, I beg you" said Abizar, pulling Khanza's arm to sit down.

Khanza could not resist the pull of her husband that made her have to sit, she turned her face did not want to see the husband who had been admired.

Abizar tries to tidy up the khanza's hair that blocks his face. Khanza quickly shook Abizar's hand and turned his head away.

Abizar clasped Khanza's hand tightly, making him unable to rebel again, Khanza lowered his head and sobbed.

"I know I was wrong, but I promise I'll be fair to you two. I love you both, please don't act like this. Don't be childish like this. I know I'm wrong, but I'm doing this all because I love you,"

abizar tried to convince Khanza.

Hearing all this made his heart ache. Hearing her husband say for the umpteenth time if he has another woman who has the same rights as his. All of that made him unable to hold his stuff.

Khanza sobbed harder and harder even until he had a hiccup.

Abizar pulled Khanza in his arms. "Don't hurt yourself by not eating like this, if you want to be angry, be angry with me. I'll take all the punishment from you. Tell me what I can do so that you can forgive me" Abizar said.

"Perach Farah," Inner Khanza. "Come on Khanza say that, why are those 3 words so hard for me to say." Khanza's mouth was locked, he could only say his wish in his heart.

Abizar continued to persuade with his sweet words, making the khanza a little calmer. The issue slowly came to a halt and there was only a slow stuffing left.

"You eat yes" said Abizar, wiping the tears still dripping on his wife's cheeks.

Khanza saw the food on the plate, which was so tempting, that his saliva felt would drip, worms in his stomach as if the demo wanted as soon as possible to get the food into his mouth.

Abizar took the food, "You eat yes, I bribe" Abizar said.

The door opened and Wanda and Santi entered.

"Abizar if your wife does not want to eat yes it does not need to be forced, she is not a child and you are Khanza. Don't act like a child like this, just accept the fact that you're just a second wife" Santi said staring intently at Khanza.

Santi was furious at Khanza's behavior. Farah had already made food for him, paying attention to him. However, he poses an important figure in this house, Santi thought.

"Mother, I beg you both to get out of here, let me take care of Khanza" Abizar said, trying to hold back his emotions at the words of his mother-in-law.

"Abizar, now your second wife already knows if besides her you also have another wife that you must pay attention to, which you must be born inner living. From now on advise him to share with Farah. All this time I noticed that your focus was on your young wife and ignored Farah" Santi said before leaving the room.

All of Santi's words pierced into Khanza's heart, "What is this! Second wife, sharing husband. Will I be able to," the inner Farah cried out in tears over her destiny as a second wife.

Khanza who had wanted to eat again undo his intentions, he chose to lie back covered his body with a blanket.

"Khanza eat first" Abizar said, trying to pull a blanket over Khanza's body.

"I beg you to get out of this room, you have hurt me enough" Khanza snapped for the first time to her husband.

"I will go out, but eat first" he said with a plate of food still in his hand.

"Do you think with this situation I can eat. I realized, that brother hurt me a lot. I expect a lot from you, brother. I wish you were a good priest to me, there are many hopes that I hang on to you, but what is this? What is all this!  Sharing love, second wife, what's all this, sister?" Back in tears, spilling all the tightness in his chest.

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Author m anha's.

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