Be aground

Gathering

All the dishes that my toilet mama has prepared have been devoured by my friends without hesitation. Mama's laughter was heard many times when Cuplis threw his jokes. Laughter that I have not heard for a long time is like music that calms me in my restless days. I have long missed the sound of mama's laughter like this.

After the isya prayer, Riko and her riot team broke apart, with a glowing face and a full stomach. I asked my mom for permission to take Leona back to her boarding house.

"So you want a story?" I started to get caught off guard by Leona's unusual attitude today.

"Jun, are you going to take that scholarship to Ausie?" ask without looking.

"God willing so. Waiting for the IELTS results to come out. Why?"

Leona sighed softly, "So I can't see you often again, dong, huh?" sahut weak.

I understand where Leona's talking is going. He still holds the hope to enter my heart. However, I am still unable to put someone to replace Runa in my heart. Runa's position to date has not been replaced. He still reigns there.

I think it's time to affirm to Leona her current position in my heart.

I cleared my throat which felt blocked.

"Eon, I'm sorry. Looks like I still can't replace Runa with the others. I'm afraid our closeness makes your hopes grow. So now I'm just saying, if we can't be more than friends." After the sentence was released, the chunk that had been stuck that felt loose.

Maybe my words are too cruel, but I don't want to hurt him with this kind of closeness. There is no pure feeling of friendship from men and women, sooner or later there will be a sense of admiration that leads to a greater sense. Like how I felt about Runa. And for the time being I still can't shake the still-so-great taste towards that sun girl.

Leona took a deep breath. Staring at me with a smile that grew. Uh! Why does the woman I know always hide the wounds behind her smile. Mama, Runa, and now Leona. Why don't they just honestly express their sadness without taking shelter behind a smile.

"I'm sorry" I said stuck. Although there was no affection for him, this heart still could not see the sadness behind the smile.

"No need to apologize. It's better that way than you act like you like me, but the truth is not. That's more painful."

"Thank you for the past few months for keeping me company in my time, Eon .. I might not be able to get through this difficult time alone."

My eyes are back heating up. I feel like the most evil creature. How not, after I went through this difficult time with Leona, I felt heartless saying I could not be with her. At first glance I glanced at the face of the girl beside me, her eyes staring at the street nanar in front of which was only illuminated by the dimness of the lights that were like a reticence to light up.

"Thank you, Juni. Success, make a post graduate plan." Leona slid down from the car when she got in front of her boarding fence.

I was just glued to see him lost behind the fence where his high cost is. Half begrudging myself for what I just did.

***

"Jun, come here for a second." My mother called me to the family room. His face looked tense, even though he was trying to cover it up.

"Have you done all your thesis business?" ask after I sit in front of him.

"Already, Mam. Waiting for the graduation schedule."

"Papa said he'd be in attendance." A line of stiff smiles was again imprinted on his face. I don't know what to pretend for.

"If you can't, don't be forced, Mom. Let it go." I'm afraid the presence of papa will only heal the wounds of mama who has not healed.

"Yes ...."

Even though mom was in the same room as me, I just felt an empty body. His eyes seemed to be staring at a distant place. Just last night I saw his face has returned cheerful, this afternoon back moody.

"June ...." Mama squinted her temple with her fingertips, both of her black eye beads fixed on me. Sadness hangs there again. "Mama has promised you to tell you why Mama and Papa separated ...."

I'm nodding. Anxiety begins to spread, draining the cold to the bone marrow.

"Actually Papa has a desire to have a successor to his business ..." this time Mama was not able to stem his tears. Making the question that has been hanging, increasingly feels burdensome.

"Do you think I'm incapable?" tanyaku. Remembering my phobia which is still not fully healed. I was a little hurt hearing my mother's explanation. Is it only because of that, that papa is willing to sacrifice the feelings of those who love him?

"Actually it's not so ..." sobs mama sound more slashing. "Because you're not actually our flesh and blood ...."

My body is like thousands of voltages of electricity. Makes my heart stop working for a moment.

"I mean, Mam?" That was all I could say when my shock began to subside.

"I'm sorry, new mom can tell you. Mama can't afford to lose you."

"Then I'm a kid, who?" dam collapsed. I could no longer guess what the woman would say that I was not her flesh and blood.

After the crying subsided, the story of the origin of my biological family was told.

"When we lived in Jakarta, Mama had an assistant, her name was Siti. She stopped working when she was getting married, but she still came to visit Mama a lot. Then, just when she was pregnant with her first child, she was also given the chance to conceive a fourth child. I don't know what God meant at that time, at the time of giving birth, we were together in the same hospital. But God took back the new baby Mama was born to, before she could open her eyes, see Mama. In another room, where your mother gave birth, you were forced to lose your birth mother because of the bleeding."

My tongue is my tongue, trying to hear the continuation of my birth mother's story. My head feels empty.

"Suddenly just crossed an idea in Mama's mind, taking Siti's child for Mama to acknowledge as mama's child and exchanging it for the flesh blood that Mama just gave birth to."

I was surprised to hear the story of the woman I had always considered my real mother. Looking at him in disbelief. Either I have to be sad or happy. On the one hand I was devastated, because the person I thought of as my flesh and blood was not my biological parent. On the other hand I am happy, it turns out that I still have hope of getting back with Runa.

Remembering the girl, I hurriedly wiped away the tears, "Thank you for telling me this honesty, Mam," I cheered as I got up from my seat. "There's something I need to finish first!" in a hurry, I ran out.

Realizing that the car keys weren't in the bag, reluctant to go back inside the house, I looked for Pak Karsa in his post.

"Sir! I'm going to borrow a motorbike!" I half screamed at the door.

"June! Where are you going?" my mother shouted from the door to follow.

"Shortly, Mam! I'll call you later!" I shouted back, immediately darted out the fence with the old astrea motor Pak Karsa.

A few meters out of the residential street, the old motor began to cough. I flicked his crank lever many times, but he shook. Uh! Why in an emergency like this does it. Half-run, I pushed the bike. A few pairs of eyes were looking at me, but no one seemed intent on helping.

When I was just about to run out of power, a motor stopped right beside me.

"Woi! Do push-push motor!" The cry sounded like the voice of an angel sent by God to help me.

"Co! I borrowed the bike, Lo! Please take this bike to the workshop! Please!" with a desperate face I approached Riko who looked confused.

"Whose bike is this? Where are you going?" my best friend is still flinching on his motor matic.

"Entar, I'm a story! Buruan, I borrowed it!" I said forcefully, pushing Riko's body away from the motor.

"Eh, just push around! There's no manner, Lo!" he was forced to hand over control of the motor to me.

"Gue will owe very much to Lo after this, Ko! Seriously! Bye yeah, please take care of that bike first. I'm cabs first!" I pulled the gas from the motor, leaving Riko still agape where she stood.

Runa's house looks quiet as usual. I saw the padlock hanging closed on the lock screen of the fence. It seems the girl is not home.

"Nyari Neng Runa, yes A'?" a neighbor next to Runa's house greeted.

"Yes, Mom. Looks like it's gone again." I wipe away the sweat that was flooding at the temple, regulating the breath that was still not working normally the effect of the earlier run pushing the motor.

"Yes, this morning it went."

"Good, Mom. Let me just call."

Why is it only now remembered to contact him by phone. Before I leave, I can do it. So it is not in vain that I try to push the motorbike in broad daylight like this.

"Hello, Jun? How did Lo call? Forgot the deal?" cecar Runa when my phone was answered.

"Deal!" my cheer. "Where's lo? I'm following!"

"Eh what does that mean?"

"Entar I tell you! Lo where?"

"On campus...."

"Lo wait, I'm on my way there!"

I drove Riko's motorbike back at high speed to campus. Not for ten minutes, I re-arranged my breath in front of the building majoring Runa. Picking up the phone from inside the pants pocket, then re-picking the last call in contact.

"Gue's on campus, where are you?"

"Gue on campus Jatinangor, Jun!" The shrill voice of Runa as if slapping the eardrum. "Belom also I'm done talking about playing close!"

I patted the bidat aware of the stupidity.

"Lo why, anyway?"

"Gue after me, yeah!"

"No, I'm on the way back. Wait in Zoe."

Time seemed to slow down, waiting for the arrival of Runa. A few calls from my mom ignored. Then a message from Riko appeared on the screen with a capital letter.

"MANEH WHERE IS IT? BALIKIN MOTOR AING! AING REK KA IMAH KABOGOH!" (Where are you? Back on my bike, I'm going to my boyfriend's house: Rough Sundanese).

Half laughing at my stupidity, I dialed Riko's contact number. Suddenly the sound of his scolding flowed through my eardrums. Yeah, God. What a stupidity I did today.