Be aground

Pink Color Doll

Today is the schedule for the briefing of KKN to be held in the Campus hall. As early as the morning before, I found my mother who had returned struggling with kitchen utensils. The aroma of cuisine that leaves makes the atmosphere of the house feel alive. Mama's face had started to look normal again, not as bad as the other day when she reported the news of their divorce plan.

"Morning, Mam!" I greet the graceful woman who this morning wore a pink canal suit. Her hair was neatly curled over the nape, revealing her tie neck. "What's the cook this morning?" I'm tearing a frying pan hidden behind my mom's body.

"Today mama cooked tutug rice oncom," he said showing off the rice in a frying pan.

Oncom tutug rice is rice mixed with oncom (a type of confectionery similar to tempe) that is fried. It is a typical Sundanese cuisine.

"Mama is the best!" my poet, taking a plate from the cabinet cabinet, intends to help him to scoop up the tutug rice whose aroma is appetizing.

"Eh! Patience, dong. It's not right yet," my mother held my hand that opened the door of the dish cabinet.

"Ha-ha, hungry Mam. The money's tempting." I put on a face.

"Oh, you just wait." Mama shook her hand, telling me to get out of the kitchen.

Submissive, I obey. Sitting looking at the mama who looked as if she did not think about her problem. I miss the time at home there is still papa. They don't keep joking around, livening up the morning mood. Usually me and papa become audience and loyal listeners when mama cool chattering in the middle of cooking activities.

This time the atmosphere of the house really felt dead. No babbling and mama's mammy humming, no papa bass sound that laughs when joking. So fast time turns everything around. Now all I think about is the void.

I still do not think, what kind of woman is able to turn the heart of papa from a woman as great as mama. In my eyes, my mother has no flaws. Women are independent, strong, beautiful, intelligent, smart self-care, loving, is there anything lacking?

"Mom, is there no other way but to part?" tanyaku, immediately made mama who was spooning rice into the plate stop the movement.

"Please apologize, Jun. Mama tried everything she could to keep our marriage going, but it seemed like it was too late. Papa's heart has been captured by the woman," he said, still with a smile. Despite the grin of bitterness.

"I still can't understand my reason for turning away from my mother." I finally revealed what felt in my heart.

"Later Mama's story, yeah. Right now give mama a little time to treat the wound." Back that sad smile adorned her beautiful, shady face.

"Yes, Mama don't be sad for long." I returned his weak smile.

"hu-um. At least at this moment that happy mama, there is still you. Well, now let's eat." My mom sat opposite me.

Two dishes of oncom tutug rice complete with side dishes, along with jasmine aroma tea, presented. I'm trying to enjoy this moment, at least I still have my mom. Even though my family's condition is no longer intact. I should be grateful for what I have now, not bemoaning what I have lost.

We eat in silence. No one is talking. My mind drifted back to Runa. Today I have to strengthen my heart. Persuading my feelings for her not to get deeper. I honestly feel tormented, keeping this feeling in silence. But I have no place to share. All this time, I only had Runa and mama as a place to complain about my sadness.

For now, I don't want to put my mom's weight on by telling her about my problems. I had to learn to be a man, abstaining from complaining just because of matters of the heart. I looked at the face of my mother who began to look inedible with age. So fast the changes that happened on that face. I'm sure because he tried to think for himself to solve his problem. In the end, he had to give up on the word destiny.

"Mam, I'm leaving first," said I after a plate of tutug oncom rice successfully moved to the stomach in a matter of minutes.

"Take care, Hon." As usual, my mother gently ruffled my hair, still with a smile that could not be separated from her lips. My great woman, keep smiling, even if the wound tears your happiness.

The atmosphere of the campus hall has begun to be crowded by students who will carry out KKN this period. No doubt, my crowd phobia is back to say hello. The cold sweat and overlapping buzzing sounds from the group of several students, instantly made me nauseous.

"Jun, take a breath ...." Runa's calm voice seemed to pull me back. "Lo, you got no medicine?" she asked after pulling me away a bit from the crowd.

"Bring." Trembling, I took out a small box that never absent occupied a corner in my bag.

I started to feel a little calm when the effect of fluoxetine on my antidepressant started to work. Uh! It's always this way. And again Runa became my savior. Somehow I will be able to overcome my hobby without Runa.

Runa sat down cross-legged beside me. The look of worry was clearly drawn on his oriental face. There's no smile. He just looked down and occasionally glanced at me.

"Easy?" when I saw him, he started to feel calm.

"It."

"Look, yuk! I'm gonna start."

Take a deep breath. I tried to shake off my nervousness. Walk into the hall.

The KKN debriefing event was short-lived. We were instructed to gather with our respective working groups. Runa's group gathered to the middle of the hall. Meanwhile, my group took place in the corner.

At the time of gathering, then I realized, it turns out Leona also followed KKN in the same schedule and placement as me. For now I am grateful, placed with someone I know, so that I do not have to try hard to adjust to other group members.

My group consists of ten people. I'm from the Faculty of Economics. Leona and Inggrid, from the Faculty of Communication Sciences, then there were seven more from different faculties. I don't remember it very well.

"Jun, yesterday I put your number in the KKN group, check it out. It looks like you don't do it" Leona said when our field lecturer asked us about readiness for a location survey.

"Oh, I'll check for a second."

I just realized that there's a new group on my whatsapp group list. These two days I did not pay too much attention to the incoming messages in the chat application.

"Yes, it's there, nih," I told Leona.

"Well, now all the members already know each other and have joined the group. Today we went straight to the location, huh?" Bu Indri, as a lecturer in field guidance, gave instructions. "Whoever's got a car? If it's enough, we don't have to find another car."

Me and two other students raised their hands.

"Okay, that's enough, yeah. We're leaving now. You just choose to leave with whom, stay communicated in the group later," concluded Bu Indri invite us out of the hall.

Our destination is an area in Bandung Regency which is famous as a place for shoe craftsmen. Leona was in my car with Ingrid. Lucky Leona type who easily find the topic of conversation— typical characteristics of the average child Fikom, so the trip to the area where our KKN is not too rigid.

I glanced at the passenger seat where Leona was sitting, this was the first time there were other girls besides mama and Runa who were sitting there, but more often Runa who was there. His shadow was so firmly etched in that place. Uh! Run, I don't know how long it will take me to let go that we can no longer be together.