Be aground

End Everything

Well the end of the relationship I maintained only lasted until this point. The relationship that I wanted to end because of his real family problems had made all the challenges for me, which I ended up defending was in vain. Even all the effort I put in was wasted. Everything, well everything has been destroyed. My feelings and heart that still did not believe what happened made it all painful for me. I pretend to smile at a broken heart.

I let go of someone I thought would be the one who was always there for me, the one I used to be proud of, even because of him I was against my parents who had opposed this relationship. I let go of the figure of the man I thought was the man who would always be with me in joy and sorrow, I gave up a man I thought would always be my companion until a sacred promise was made. But everything has been destroyed, he proved that he is not a worthy figure for me.

It hurts but it doesn't bleed, that's how I feel. And it was so hard on me that even I was afraid to start stepping on something that was hard for me to reopen.

Can I just take it off ?

Would I be willing to be played like this ?

Have I always been lied to by them ?

Am I too stupid to believe in him ?

Did that woman do this to me on purpose ?

Was it when Dika said again with his friend, even though he was with the woman ?

All those questions I couldn't answer, all of them even made me tired of thinking clearly. I who did not know how, finally I closed my eyes and ears, hoping that what I saw that night and what I heard that day would soon disappear from my memory for good, well I tried to forget it by busying myself. But the more I busied myself the more clearly I crossed my mind about my disappointment for them.

Even to the end Dika did not give me an explanation, everything seemed like nothing happened. Since that incident, Dika disappeared from before me, without any words of apology, without any explanation, and without a word of breaking from him. Like I have no problem to solve. Which should have been every midnight I was out with him, it turns out that now there is nothing, even usually I come to his boarding house when I go home from college. Now nothing, everything is like the wind blowing somewhere.

After what happened, I learned to take care of him, because in fact I'm the one who hurt the most here, I'm the one who endured the pain here, but for them, I'm the one who triggered this relationship to break down, because I have always maintained my selfishness towards Dika. I don't even know, which selfishness makes them blame me ?. Everything really turned on me, I'm a wounded woman, but I'm the most guilty woman here.

While the woman who was only new to his life became the truest in Dika's life. Dika who craves immediate attention can even be obtained by Dika every day while with the woman, making Dika blame me who can not be with her at all times. He blamed my position in college for being busy with my studies rather than himself.

And every night, when I'm tired, then there's no news from me for him, making Dika blame me and obviously I really don't understand Dika's thoughts at that moment. It's hard to explain but it hurts to remember.