Be aground

Wearied

I'm tired of pretending, I'm trying to let go of everything. Well I who could not stand the attitude of Dika who never appreciated me, finally determined to let go of everything. I was determined to do that, at first I succeeded, until finally I failed. How not, I was trying to let go at that time, Dika came back to me with his feelings as before.

The feeling of first meeting her even first time in a relationship. Then how did I not melt when Dika did this to me and in the end I gave back my heart to her. I thought Dika wouldn't lose me and that's the truth. But behind his attention to me, it turns out Dika also did the same thing with the woman who was chosen at that time. I didn't expect that it was all just a charade.

I was broken, I was hurt, but foolishly I always accepted his presence. No matter what I am given, I always accept it with a smile. Dika does not understand me, Dika has hurt me, but Dika is someone who makes me survive.

Then what should I do ?. I don't want to lose it, but I'm tired of holding on alone. I'm totally ruined. I couldn't take my eyes off her even though Dika always gave me tears.

I still love her, making me always show my weakness if I love her dead. Which in the end makes Dika more as she pleases me. If only, when this pain of mine was treated by someone who came while I was with Dika, maybe I would have set my heart for her instead of for Dika. But the truth is, nothing draws me in my own destruction.

I was alone who wanted to escape his life to stay with him. Have you ever felt what I felt ?. Trying to let go of a relationship that is only one-sided, then when he wants to do that, he comes back good to you that makes you want to maintain.

****

It is approaching his birthday, and soon I will be doing an internship to the company to complete my course. Well I've always held on to him, because I believe Dika will change. Dika also said the same thing to me, that he would change and obviously I believe in it. Until one day I came back in disbelief, it turned out Dika had moved the boarding house, and how devastated I was when I knew Dika and the woman had been home.

“I've been put in stay” said Dika

I just kept quiet without saying anything

“Me and her are not roommates, I am in the living room, while she is in room” Dika explained

“Do you think I'll believe?” I said by looking at him

“Seriously, I don't sleep with him” Dika said

How could I believe when Dika said that. Dika was a man and that woman was a woman who could give him warmth. Now they are one house without any ties. Girlfriend ? Wife ? What is their relationship so they have to be home.

I avoided Dika at once, I was tired of having to endure a relationship that would only always give me hurt. Every time I do that, Dika always comes with a face of love that I have known for a long time.