Be aground

Fill A Feel

The smell of drugs mixed with the smell of disinfectant pierced the sense of smell when my feet entered the hospital building. I never liked the smell of the hospital, even though in this building there are many hopes created, but not a few of those expectations ran aground. This place to me is a building where hope is formed and on the other hand is also slumped.

I didn't pay much attention to where Maktuo was leading me. The hospital hallway looked the same in my eyes, gloomy. After climbing a few steps, Maktuo stopped in front of a white-painted door with a number attached there.

Maktuo was stunned for a long time. Then he said, "May you be strong enough to accept this, son." His hand was stroking my back.

"Yes Maktuo," I said choked, again collecting the remnants of the power that had been destroyed.

As strong as a person, must still feel devastated when it comes to accepting the fact that the person he loves is sentenced to a deadly disease. No matter how much hope for a chance of recovery, there is still despair that looms.

Maktuo opened the door in front of us. I tried to make peace with the hospital air that felt more stifling. Hoping to gain strength from all the despair floating in the air of this place.

The three-bed hospital greeted me as I entered the room behind the door. Two beds near the door and the middle of the room, look empty. The very end is covered by curtains.

"Assalamualaikum, Len," said when he reached the end of the room covered with curtains.

"Waalaikum salam." a soft voice came from behind the curtains.

I stepped timidly from behind Maktuo's body.

"Runa," called my mother slowly when she saw me walking behind the motto.

Slowly I lifted the face that had lowered my head earlier, staring at the figure that was rolling on the bed. His usual face looked fresh and full of vigor, looking so pale. His usual eyes always sparkled every time he looked at me, looking dim with dark circles around him. Her lips were full, looking dry like leaves in the dry season.

A hose was attached transversely under his nose. Likewise, on the back of his hand, a hose plugged with a needle is connected to a bag of clear liquid that is hung on the side of the bed. The light that once radiated warmly from the face was as if it was dim.

My heart was completely broken seeing the physical change of mother. As strong as the power of the warm liquid that began to hang.

"Mother," I said with a smile that I forced, walking towards the bed.

"So it's jammed, huh?" mother asked to pull me into her embrace.

Oh my God, how I miss this hug, but not in this way. Mom's body feels cold. I bit my lips to hold the clear liquid that started to force it out of my net. Withstand the tightness that starts pressing.

"Yes ... "my voice was short, hugging my mother.

"I'm sorry mom, yesterday was not honest with Runa," said the mother. There was a guilty note I caught from his voice.

I only replied with a nod because I was unable to withstand the tightness that was getting more and more pronounced. I slowly inhaled the scent of the mother's body that had been filled with the scent of medicine. There was no more vanilla scent that was commonly smelled from his body. The bulge of his shoulder felt so painful, when it touched the skin of my arm.

In just three months, the mother's change was so drastic. If I wasn't his son, I probably wouldn't recognize the woman I'm hugging.

"Don't be so sad, mom will heal," comfort mom pushed my body slowly from her embrace.

He cupped his hands together which looked like a dry tree branch. Staring into my eyes as if to make sure that he was still keeping the fire of hope in his chest. I stared fixed in the eyes of the mother, although not as bright as before, but there was no look of despair there.

"Yes. I believe Mom is strong," I said as if encouraging myself.

***

"Well, now you rest first, tomorrow come here again," the mother ordered, after giving up the longing a little.

"I want to be here with my mother" I asked.

"No need, let the maktuo accompany," sergeant maktuo.

"But I want to be with mom tonight" I said.

"You do not understand the condition of this hospital, if there is anything later confused about where to go," said Maktuo.

It was as if I was given no other choice. If maktuo had said in such a stern tone, no one would have been able to refute him.

A nurse suddenly came flicking the curtains, reminding him that the clock had run out. Inevitably I had to leave the room where mom was being cared for immediately. I hugged my mother again, it was hard to leave my mother even if only until tomorrow morning.

"Thank you, Maktuo ... I've been taking care of my mom all this time" I said as we walked down the hospital aisle.

"As with others you. Your mother was maktuo's sister. If you were in his position, your mother would do the same, too" said the makto with a slightly wheezing breath as she went down the stairs.

I was no longer able to dampen all the tightness that I had been holding back. My eyes blurred, instantly shedding all the tightness with tears.

"Patience, son," comfort meturo gently rubbed my back when I saw me crying.

"I'm afraid, Maktuo," my sobs.

I'm really scared, if you can't fight the disease. Only three months ago the mother dropped because of the disease, the condition of the mother's body really changed drastically, how the future.

"We just pray, son. Nothing is impossible for God." Maktuo stopped and grabbed me, rubbing my back in his arms.

"Well, now go home. Try to pray tahajud tonight. Ask God to give strength to your mother, yes" said Maktuo after my crying subsided.

***

Uda Indra had been waiting in the parking lot, not far from where she had parked her car. I was playing on my phone when me and Maktuo came.

"In, please take Runa home," tell me.

"Yes, Ma" he said briefly.

The journey back home feels very long, in addition to the traffic jam that has not subsided, the absence of sound in the car also makes it more pronounced to slow down the pace of time.

It seems like uda Indra thinks I need calm. Not a word came out of his mouth, but I wanted to take my mind off all the fear entrenched there by chatting with him. But I also seemed unable to open my voice to start a conversation.

The clock shows ten o'clock when we get to the maktuo house.

"Rone! Kangen!" the screams of Viennese cousin, his sister uda Indra ran to greet me.

"Sama," welcome me to try to balance the enthusiastic face of Vienna.

"Turn back, yes," said uda Indra to us when Vienna dragged me into the house.

"Yes, Uda. Thank you," I said.

"Eh, tomorrow would you like to go to Vienna, would you like to go to the hospital?" Uda Indra who was halfway to the car turned around asked me.

"Let me deliver, Da," said Vienna before I answered.

"Oh, yes, I have. Then tomorrow you're not here."

"Greetings Uni, yes Da," I said when uda Indra was about to enter the car.

"Yes, play home tomorrow, yeah."

I just replied with a nod.

***

Finished cleaning up, I found Vienna asleep. He was the one who was so excited to talk to me. Just left for a while already asleep just like that.

The mottuo house was completely deserted, no other sound was heard other than the subtle snoring of Vienna. My eyes are hard to close. The shadow of my mother's face could not be removed even for a moment. I was back in tears.

Maybe I was too selfish, my fears were all about me. I was afraid of my mother. What would my fate be if my mother were gone. Who else would I complain to.

Though if I think from the mother's side, of course, the mother suffered more than me, but when I met, not a single complaint came out of the lips of the mother. That glint of spirit light was still in the silent eyes of the mother.

The phone I put on the bedside nightstand shook as I was about to lay down my body. There are some message notifications on the screen. Arjun's contact is one of them.

22.00: [Once asleep, huh?]

It's only that short, but it's enough for me to feel her feelings. There was a desolate bias I caught from that short message.

23.00: [Sorry, I forgot to forget again] I replied.

The gray tick instantly turned blue. Online posts appear at the bottom of Arjun's contact name, then change with typing. Before long, a reply from Arjun came in.

23.00: [Tumben bales, do you sleep?]

I felt immediately when I read Arjun's message. I stared at my old phone screen. Refuse to type and delete the message I am about to send. I wanted to tell Arjun about his mother's condition, but I held back. I'd better tell Arjun when I meet him in person.

23.05: [Udah. I want to go to bed, too, yeah] I finally typed the sentence and sent it to Arjun.

23.05: [Have a nice sleep my sunshine 😘]

Wanna let me have a little chuckle reading a message from Arjun. I'm not used to sweet words like this yet, let alone sending them Arjun. Ordinary also rubbing each other.

23.07 : [Can ae lo ah 🤣🤣] reply I can't help feeling amused.

23.07 : [Once in a while I am romantic little 😂]

I can imagine Arjun's face right now must be red.

23.08 : [Thanks yes, Jun] My reply is short.

I'm really grateful to him. After what I experienced, it made me fall. At least Arjun was able to slightly reduce the tension I felt.

Hopefully tomorrow I can gather the spirit to accompany the recovery of mother. Hope to be able to accept God's destiny with a free chest. Hope all this is not punishment, just a rebuke for us to get closer to Him.