Be aground

Disappointment

A birthday that should mean something to anyone is meaningless to me. Sad well certainly because yesterday Dika said she would celebrate a birthday with me even though far later. But in fact Dika did not do that, even Dika asked me to come to him.

It's like I'm hoping for this birthday.

well during our time together that bias was said to be almost five years, during which time Dika never gave me a birthday cake. Even speech will always be late from what it should be. But I realized, too hopeful that it would only give a deepening wound.

****

I forget everything by closing my eyes which in the end makes me fall asleep to a dream that has no meaning in my life. Until nightfall, I quickly woke up for a long time, then I saw the clock that showed at eight o'clock in the night. I limply rushed to take a shower and eat, and luckily tomorrow did not work. So I can laze at the boarding house all by myself.

And my phone rang, and it's still the same as it was this morning, and she still called me. I just saw it without reading or even picking up the phone. Because basically I'm always the one giving up, and I'm finally tired. I thought Dika remembered the words he had said, that he would come on my birthday, but I kept hoping for empty and meaningless talk.

***

I quickly set off to meet Dika, and during the journey I could not say anything, well at least I could accompany her at this time. I who arrived at night, immediately asked him to pick me up, and when he arrived at the boarding house, Dika still fell silent without saying anything. And clearly the look on his face was so sad, even his moist eyes were still clearly visible on his face.

I who saw Dika, immediately hugged her without asking her anything. Because I realized, asking the question no longer means anything, everything has happened and neither I nor Dika can be silent about Mom's decision. What makes Dika even more sad is that all her siblings support Mom compared to Dika. And it made Dika even more angry and hateful with his brothers. Even Dika to curse his future father with the word animal.

How Dika's life made me feel sorry for her even more, how not when she stepped over Dika, she felt devastated, then now Mother also did the same, she said, and now Dika has a half-brother from her new father's family. Everything was completely destroyed and it made me even more aware that Dika and I would not be able to be together. And that's when I put my foot forward to release him in my life.

I thought it would be easy, even with me moving away from Dika would realize that we would not be together now. But actually Dika does not want to do it. Dika is still maintaining himself on the inside, which makes it even harder for me to let go. I'm really sad, even I don't know what to do when things are like this.

Because basically Dika always told me not to leave Dika no matter what, and obviously I have promised not to leave him, and finally I have to keep that promise. Although juju Raku also still feel devastated by Dika's attitude towards me. The attitude where Dika was still in a relationship with the woman again. I was visited when I was sad, but when I was happy to meet the woman without my knowledge.