Be aground

Another presence

The relationship that I had been maintaining, turned out to have no meaning for Dika. The sacrifice I gave was only of temporary value to him who now only considers everything to be my fault. The mistake where I started everything that was going on, the mistake where because of myself Dika took his life away from me. It was a mistake because of my family that didn't approve of us until now.

Mistakes due to my selfishness that made him unhappy. A mistake that I always forced my will for him. Well the mistake that became the reason Dika did the thing that now only contains the reason where I as the perpetrator of this relationship. The perpetrator who was the basis for the relationship that now makes me sick.

While Dika who felt victimized, did not say anything. Even with her pride Dika said that it all ended because of my selfishness. The attention and affection that I have given all this time, is still considered lacking by him. All turned out to be futile even all just assume that I was selfish for his life.

When Dika said that she was a victim of this relationship, it all ended up destroying my expectations. The hope of being together, even that trust was suddenly instantly lost with nothing left. While I who was considered as the perpetrator only received wounds alone, injured alone even crying as hard as myself. I'm devastated even the word destroyed can't represent what I feel. It hurts to make me short to breathe normally, tight and destroyed even no support I get when all happens.

All makes me want to end everything, at first I think that the life I struggle with is no longer meaningful, then why do I survive and breathe this theatrical life ?. I who think foolishly of love make all the paths I choose wrong, even I hope that everything I have does not want me to continue again.

*****

The clear morning enveloped my day well, with Dika's presence in my life as well as my belief in Dika's words. And back as before, campus activities had begun, and at that time I was just a participant who could come or not in the event. Even so, I still came for sure, because that day was the last day we held an event on campus, waiting to go home.

After the event went well, it could be said that it only lasted until noon, because I was bored at the boarding house I stepped my feet to Dika's place. Wearing high heels, I walked from the intersection of Dika's boarding house to Dika's boarding house, indeed I was deliberately not picked up by him, because of the state of Dika at that time again fever. I don't want him to be tired from picking me up. After going to approach the Dika boarding house, I contacted Dika because I was still reluctant to Dika's friends. Dika who was waiting in front of the hostel was smiling while talking to others. I don't know who it is, but he certainly talked while looking at the place adjacent to Dika's place. Because of our distance, I just walked over while waving at him. It was then that Dika looked at me with a smile, and of course I quickly set my foot in order to meet him.