Be aground

Early everything

After the activity had taken place and when I spent a happy time, I returned the phone later that night. Well all back to the way it used to be, no activity was time-consuming until night and could finally take a break. If you spend more time working, you can only come to me when he comes home from work. Twelve o'clock at night was the hour I was always on standby waiting for his arrival and obviously I knew when he was coming and when he was coming home. Because of that, I'm used to waking up at twelve and going to bed at the middle of one.

When Dika came home, he would always show his tired face and of course I always tried to give my best by giving him a massage on his forehead, or letting him lean on my shoulder for a while. Without a word to say, but a night like that has become a routine for us both.

In fact, the longer the communication is not going well. But that doesn't change the situation if this relationship goes on over time. Dika never even told me anything again, either his family problems or his work. It's all closed to me at the moment. And so did I who never even told Dika anything during our courtship. I just thought maybe Dika was just exhausted until in the end Dika did not want to tell me anything. All like that, until finally all just talk.

The relationship that I have been in for a long time, the relationship that I have maintained even I always try to give my best until the end. I who also fight parents just because of him, it turns out all in vain. The relationship that I thought would last, is now a mess by itself. I was completely devastated and inexhaustible with what happened. I can't show my deep disappointment. I couldn't hold back my tears just for last night. I kept crying and crying for a long time even foolishly I tortured myself by not thinking about whether I was hungry or not. I had dissolved myself to the point of sinking into a feeling that made me claustrophobic. There are no words that can represent my heart right now, just crying and shutting myself up for everything that's happening is my friend right now.

The relationship that we lived, it turned out to be just a charade all this time to him. The relationship that makes me feel guilty when we fight, it turns out it's all a charade. Everyone, everything keeps me thinking, what's wrong with me, why is he doing this. This relationship was really just a game to him that didn't even have any meaning to him. I see all just endure pain. The pain was so deep, that I was completely fed up with my sincerity all this time with him.

The more I drift in this relationship always think that this relationship will continue even never end. That's what I think, because in fact we can survive to live several years with disappointment, tears and happiness. Not everything ends, even boredom doesn't make me want to turn away from it. How he treated me, how he hurt me, how he always disappointed me, made me fall even more. All the questions answered every step I took.