Be aground

Gathering

The dawn began to dawn, peering coyly from the window slit. It still feels hard for me to get out of the dispute. I want to stay in this room. Mapping back a dream that just collapsed in a matter of days. The dream strands that I had begun to knit together with Arjun, were re-described by fate.

Really this time my spirit just evaporated. For the first time I started falling in love, I had to be heartbroken. It's not that the one I love doesn't reciprocate my feelings, but destiny is not on our side

I shouldn't have built up dreams and raised hopes for my future with Arjun. I was guilty, soaring my hopes that I had to fall and not get up. This was not the first time fate had served a bitter dish in my life, but this time it was bitter as if I could not swallow it.

So strong a shock that I received in the past few months. Making a sturdy building where I nurtured the spirit of life, collapsed just like that. I'm not used to living in despair, but this time the impact I received made me waver. Back clear circles separated from the look, leaving a vacuum that feels silent.

Arjun. The name echoed in the empty space in my heart. I still can't imagine my life ahead if I'm no longer with him. Almost nine years always together, of course it will not be easy to pull it aside. I must begin to regroup piece by piece the broken heart.

Alarms from cell phones repeatedly break the silence in the room. I can't keep doing this. I cannot linger lamenting myself. I'm not a coward who will run from reality. As bitter as any life should be I swallow.

Uh! I almost forgot my mother. Why am I this weak. Just thinking about matters of the heart, forgetting about the woman who had brought me into the world and fought for me. I certainly don't want to see me lament this kind of fate. I have to be strong, for mom's sake. So that all his efforts have not been in vain.

Like telepathy, my phone's screen is on. Flashing with photos of mom. It felt like I was grieving. Of course, you will feel my pain wherever I am. I can't pretend with him, he's a messenger of God who is able to skin my heart to the deepest layers.

I'll drop my mark to get a call from mom, "Assalamualaikum, Mom." I said hello without hiding the rest of the pain that still hangs in the throat.

"Greetings waalaikum, Run. Ready for college?" Mother's hoarse voice sounded gently sweeping through the eardrum. Warming a heart that feels cold.

"No, Ma. Still in the blanket."

"That means no prayers, dong?"

"He-he is, not yet Ma'am," I said guiltily.

"How can you ask for the recovery of your mother, if you have neglected to pray?" the intonation of the mother's voice still sounded low, but it fell apart.

"Yes. I pray first then." Waving the blanket, I rushed down from the bed.

"Yes, I'm closing up."

Mum's words returned when I complained, why God seemed to endlessly whack us with trials that bertubi.

"You already know, iron forged many times after being burned repeatedly, he will produce a sword capable of shaking the enemy. So is life, many times we are forged problems, making us stronger to face any obstacles that come. All this is a process of self-learning. You can be sad, but don't go too deep so you can't crawl for a ride. Feel the sadness, then let go. Don't hold on too long. The sorrow you hold tight, like embers of fire. He'll burn your life's spirit."

I slowly gathered back the pieces of my life puzzle that had been scattered. Trying to rearrange it to be a complete picture. Stopping a thousand questions as to why God gave me such a seemingly merciless blow. I have to get up, if not for myself, at least for mom.

I decided to call Arjun. Trying to break up the still biting. I'm strong, I can't give up just because of a broken heart. Arjun's voice sounded uninspired. Of course, but I'm trying to sound okay. It's not easy, I just have to get used to it.

I looked at my face reflected in the mirror in the bathroom. My pale skin turned pale, my eyes darkened. Swollen eye bags. Looks destroyed. Not wanting Arjun to see my face like this, I took out a few chunks of ice cubes from the fridge, compressing for a moment before I got ready for college.

Before Arjun arrived, I was already waiting for him outside the house. Inhaling the morning air is quite able to eliminate the waste. Besides, greeting the neighbors I met this morning gave me quite a bit of energy.

Too late in daydreaming, making me unaware of Arjun's arrival. As before, his figure still invited a subtle vibration within his chest. The one that looks so perfect in my eyes. His face still looks sad. The scar was clearly engraved in the look of his eyes.

"June. Andin said, the village division list for KKN, has come out." I started a conversation. After turning the brain to look for topics.

"Eh, how fast? Just listed last week." It seems my efforts succeeded. Arjun turned to me, without the look of a predator like that. "Keep Lo already know where?"

"Not knowing, either."

"Do you know it early in the morning?"

"She said, anyway, from Saturday it's been on the patch. He also knows from the BEM boy."

"Cocky ribet? Ha-ha." There was a sense of relief when he saw the laughter again adorning his lips.

"Tau, it's Andin." I also laughed.

"Eh, nyokap was grilled rice nitip, tuh." Arjun pointed at the rear passenger bench.

"Ha-ha, already. That's what it's made for, Lo."

All the worries that filled my heart from yesterday gradually began to evaporate. It may not be too difficult for us to start a relationship back on the status of a friend. Even though the heart has been hurt. Maybe we can still support each other.

Not too bad for today. Like a fall, for the first time, the wound will hurt so much. But gradually he will heal as time goes on. Although time cannot heal, I will get used to this pain.

As Andin said, the announcement of the real workplace college division had indeed been affixed to the notice board in front of the administration room.

"We're different villages, Run." Arjun's voice sounded uninspired.

"And indeed yesterday I said, we KKN split the village only, so Lo can learn to blend in with others."

Arjun. "Yes-yes. Especially if we have to start again."

I know what Arjun means. Our relationship has to start over. Try to remove little by little the taste that has been rooted in the heart.

All KKN administrative affairs are completed before lunch hour. Arjun and I, who were not very comfortable lingering on campus, rushed home.

"Run, eat yuk's cuanki."

"Eyeh, what's all of a sudden?"

"Eater who has a bad taste, he said can make a heartache," he said accompanied by a bitter smile.

"Ah, can I!"

"Yuk! Want no?"

"Where?"

"Ganesha is all." Arjun drove his car towards Ganesha street without waiting for me to agree to his invitation. Inevitably, the nebeng must agree.

Ganesha Street this afternoon is quite quiet, maybe because it is past the end of the semester exam. Only a few students pass through and out of the oldest campus in Bandung located on Ganesha Street. Arjun turned into the back street of the Salman mosque and stopped right in the backyard of the mosque.

The peaceful atmosphere was palpable when we entered the courtyard of the mosque. The mosque with a unique design is indeed the center of campus student activities with the symbol of Ganesha elephant located opposite it. Inside the mosque area is not only a building that is the headquarters of student activities there, but there is a canteen that is a favorite place for students because the price is affordable. Arjun did like to invite me occasionally to eat in the cafeteria located in the mosque area, because he used to be news for college there.

We ordered two servings of canki, and chose to eat them in the car. The aroma of broth from the sauce sprinkled with fried onions and celery is really appetizing. As Arjun had said before, he had indeed smashed a lot of sambal into his order bowl.

"Not afraid of stomach pain, what?" I asked him to see the color of the guah cuanki he was carrying.

"Abdominal pain is not how much heartache, Run," he chuckled.

"Gue feels guilty, you know, Jun." I retaliated weakly.

Arjun did not answer.

"Jun, according to Lo ... If later we have each other's partners, we can still talk like this no, huh?" Suddenly my feelings reappeared. Will I be able to find someone who can understand me and make me comfortable like Arjun.

"I don't know ... And I also don't want to think too much about what hasn't happened. If I think about it, love can increase, decrease or even disappear altogether. So we just go for it. I've resigned. After all, I thought that I used to seem to love each other, suddenly wanted a divorce without me knowing what the cause of my bokap turned on other women."

Half in disbelief at what I just heard, I stared fixedly at Arjun's eyes. Resign, that is what I caught from two dark beads of his eyes.

"Gue didn't hear wrong, did he, Jun?" I just can't believe it. How could the figure of a perfect woman like Mama Arjun still be betrayed. What kind of woman is able to divert the feelings of a man from a great woman like Mama Arjun.

Arjun just shook his head. It was obvious that he was holding the pain in his heart. Oh my God, our boat ran aground. I don't know how long we'll be able to collect the scattered fragments, bobbing in the ferocious sea. Survive not to sink to the bottom of the ocean.

"Lord, enable our hands to paddle against the ferocious waves that come our way." I pleaded softly, blocking the clear circle that forced the fall.