Be aground

The pain is deep

Why do they do this so easily behind my back, I still believe in those who say they will have no relationship, he said, the woman swore an oath under the photo of her dead brother.

Why does he swear so easily on things that are not true ?.

Is it so easy for me to be deceived that they treat me like this ?.

What have I done, so they can do this to me ?.

How am I supposed to look at Dika until they play behind me?.

All the questions came up to me, I thought it was over that night, but it turned out to be all just talk. He treats me like a woman who has no meaning. Dika pointed out that I was a woman who was easily controlled, sick until my tears no longer dripped at that moment.

I tried to think of something else that would make me feel at ease, but in fact nothing could calm me down, everything turned out to be a charade. The theatrics are absolutely perfect, so I easily accept what they say. I couldn't help it, hurt, hurt, betrayed, lied to, wanted, everything.

Everything played out perfectly with the relationship we had for a long time. I who always believed Dika did not even think that Dika would do this to me, eventually all made me speechless. I cried alone that could not even calm me down, my presence, my tears, could not treat the sense that I got from this relationship.

*****

After coming home from college I limply set my foot on the boarding house, during the journey from the intersection of the boarding house, I always thought of everything.

How could I be so easily fooled by their attitude ?

Why can I not be aware of what is going on with Dika's attitude ?

Then what would happen if I went back to the village and let the two of them be here ?

What are they going to do when I'm far away ?

Everything made me cramped so hard for me to think and move forward. Everything makes me like a person who has no definite direction.

Dika, do you feel what I feel? Why would you do this to me ? Though I always try to give the best of this relationship, even I hope this relationship survives, but the payoff is betrayal. Dika, I'm broken, I'm down but you don't care about that. You blame me for causing this relationship to break up.

...Aaaahhhh everything really hurts !!!!...

After I got to the boarding house, I calmed myself down by laying my body on the bed while closing my eyes. I rested my hand on my forehead and unconsciously I shed my tears. The tears that did not want to stop and the longer the more swift and uncontrollable. Until I finally felt tired and slept in a sleep filled with tears.

Can you feel what I feel ?

Wounded, devastated and unable to do the real thing I could do. I might hurt or slap her, or even I might embarrass her in public. But I didn't want to, obviously, even the pain kept ringing in my mind. But what can I do?, I am not a woman who foolishly shames the situation.

I who came to this city just want to continue my school, and as for the obstacles that I get is when I put my feelings for him more first than my college. Thank goodness my lecture was not interrupted even better in the future, therefore, I did not want to make my efforts ruined because of this problem. Therefore, I held everything back, even my disappointment for Dika and the woman. I kept it alone and it hurt a lot for me.