Love In Silence

That pain is so painful

Balqis cried all night, again she felt the first night so painful. It was on the first night with Adzriel that she had to cry all night because Adzriel had not come to see her and now on her first night with Aksa, again she had to stay as one herself. Aksa prefers to meet his lover than he who has been legally his wife. But what does a status mean if in the heart and mind Aksa only for his lover not for himself.

Balqis hugged the doll in her hotel room, squeezing the doll. Somehow his heart hurt so much to see the fact that he married someone who could not love him. Again, again and again he had to swallow such a bitter reality.

Balqis thinks that by leaving Adzriel, she can feel happiness but in fact the sadness continues to haunt her. I don't know when this suffering will end soon.

"Zahra, I'm sorry. Forgive me for taking your husband, forgive me for killing both your parents just for wanting you to feel the loss I lost to Adzriel. Zahra, I'm sorry for making your life suffer, I'm sorry Zahra." Balqis continued to name Zahra.

"Zahra now I've felt what you felt before and it hurts a lot. God, I'm sorry.hiks...." Balqis said.

I should have called off the match and not accepted it after I found out that she had a boyfriend. I'm too stupid. Oh Lord............. What should I do now?

I think by accepting Aksa as my husband, I will feel happiness and Papa will also feel happy because he can be with his best friend and also his only daughter is married.

But in fact, I suffered even more. If you knew what was going on with me, I don't know what he'd do to see his beloved daughter cry because a man couldn't appreciate her feelings.

Her husband even brightly said that he would meet his lover in his first night even a little he did not think about how he felt Balqis.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa." Balqis shouted as loud as possible to vent all her feelings that made her chest so tight.

"Mama, I miss mama. I'm sorry ma, 'cause I'm mama's gone. Ma, I need a mom next to me. I want to express all my heart ma. Mama, I can't stand all this ma, I want to come with mama to go. Mama hiks hyks." Balqis cried sobbing in memory of her mother who was now dead, if her mother was still alive she wanted to share her grievances with her mother.

"I hate myself, I hate. Why does it feel so painful. Why?" balqis shouted in frustration while holding her chest.

"I'm sorry Zahra, I'm sorry. I was wrong, I have taken your husband until now I must feel the same position as you." Balqis recalled his past so bad.

"I now believe that karma does exist. Those who hurt will also be hurt. And now I have accepted that karma. I didn't expect it to hurt this much." Balqis said while holding her own knee, she threw away the doll carelessly, she just sat by the bed while hugging her own knees.

"Hiks.......Will Mas Aksa leave me for his beloved? Do I have to be a widow for the second time?" balqis asked himself.

"I don't want to be a widow anymore, I don't want to." Balqis.

"Father, what are you doing now. I want to see papa." Balqis.

"But if I see papa, you must know that I am now sad again because of the departure of Mas Aksa. And I don't want papa to know about this sadness of mine. What should I do, I need someone to calm me down. Why is everything so. Wh why? it's only been a few hours as Mrs Damian but now I feel inadequate what about the next day? Can I stand with all the convincing facts like this? Do I keep giving in and letting my husband along with other women or do I have to act decisively? Oh my god." Balqis said as she continued to blabber herself while the tears continued to flow nonstop.