Love, Let it Get Lost

The wrong expectations

The next day we were back at the office.

I just came from Mr. Zaidan's room to give him the work papers. Then I walked down the hall to go back to my room. I passed by several other employees' work rooms that looked busy, they had time to greet me and smile at me.

Their attitude became so stiff that they found out the truth between me and Nicko. But I don't care at all about it, I still act like normal and work as usual.

After only a few more steps to the door of my room, I saw Bima coming out of that door. Like he just went into Nicko's room. Bima had seen me but she immediately turned around and did not ignore me. I ran after Bima.

“Bima!” Call me, but he didn't stop his steps at all.

“Bima wait” said I who have managed to reach his hand.

Bima finally wants to stop her steps and stare at me with a sniffle.

“You angry?” Ask me with a guilty-looking face.

“Anged for what?” He said so coldly.

“Bim I'm sorry for hiding all this from you”

Bima did not want to look at me at all, she just kept looking back and forth so as not to look me in the eye.

“I know I was wrong, I know that I should try to be honest with you”

“No Fawnia, you are not wrong, but I am wrong. I was too hopeful with what I really couldn't get”

“Bim is not like that.”

“You know. All this time I thought you rejected me just because you were not ready to accept new people in your life, I guess with the patience I have, your heart will grow to me with its own. I tried not to abandon my feelings Fawnia, because I was too sure, if one day you would accept me in your life, but it turns out you chose Mr. Ferdy compared to me”

“Not like that Bim..”

“Now I am ashamed of myself. I'm ashamed of Mr. Ferdy, because all this time he saw me trying to get close to his future wife. I feel awkward meeting him now Faw”

“Bim listen to me first. From the beginning Nicko already knew about your feelings, he did not mind it, because I was not sure yet to marry him. Our decision to get married was just this new we think about ripe”

“But why should Mr Ferdy Faw? You knew Mr. Ferdy had a girlfriend before, and they were planning to get married, but why did you still choose him? While I have been waiting for you since the beginning you never give me certainty”

I was pensive to hear Bima's words. I know he's so mad at me for hiding the truth about Nicko.

“What's your reason Faw?”

“I can't explain about that. Nicko and I have one compelling reason for us to continue with”

“Iya what is the reason ? Explain to me Faw. Don't make me keep guessing about you”

“I can't.”

“Pak Ferdy even though you also know if you already have children right ? But why would he still want to accept you?” Bima's words made me dumbfounded and stared at her cynically.

“What do you mean?”

Bima did not answer he just rubbed his face violently, looking regretful with what he had said.

“Do you think my status as a single parent will make it difficult for me to find a life partner who can accept me as I am?”

“Yes of course there must be, one of them I am right?” Bima answered trying to correct his speech error.

“You think my status is so bad in the eyes of others that you think a Nicko can accept me as his wife?”

Bima could not answer, she kept silently staring at me in confusion.

“Bim. I'm covering all this up to you because I appreciate you so much, I don't want you to be hurt to hear the truth that Nicko and I have had a special relationship from when we were kids to this day, I don't want your attitude to change knowing that, but it turns out that my expectations are too high for you, I guess you're a good person that I shouldn't just hurt, but I was wrong, you are just like crocodile men outside Sana” said I with disappointment.

Then I left Bima so upset. I went back into my room and sat in my chair holding back tears that were so compelling I wanted to get out.

I can't believe that Bima and I will end up like this. I guess, we can still be friends even though he knows I have been owned by Nicko, but it seems Bima can not accept it quickly, he said, he was so disappointed that he hurt me.

“What's up?” She asked as she stood in front of my desk and put her hands on the table to lean her body closer to my face.

“No” answered I was reluctant to look her in the eye, because I was afraid my eyes were still wet.

“You're crying?”

“Not” answered me while shaking my head as strongly as possible.

“Do not lie Fawnia, you are facing me, not someone else”

I took a slow breath and tried to glance at Nicko doubtfully.

“I just spoke with Bima”

“He hurt you?” Ask her while frowning her.

“No. It is precisely I who hurt her heart, I should not have given her hope from the beginning, I should have said the truth to her, but I hid this instead for fear of her attitude changing to me” I replied honestly.

Nicko didn't answer he just looked at me seriously.

“He's my one-on-one friend here Nick. I have no friends other than him”

“Friend with the opposite sex let alone your introduction is so short, it would be very unlikely that a comfortable feeling would not grow Fawnia”

“But I can, I never have any feelings for Bima”

“That's you”

I pursed my lips so sadly.

“I never knew that, because I had absolutely no male friends all this time other than Ben”

“Why?” Ask her clumsily.

Then I looked at him in annoyance.

“You forgot? you're the one who prevented me from being able to get a boy friend from our Junior High School even until college”

“Not” answered so confidently.

“You're making awkward men to approach me”

“It's not true”

“It's true Nicko, even Keysa can see it”

“He's your best friend, he'll definitely support every mu” story

I rolled my eyeballs.

“That's Nicko facts. Even you make men afraid to approach me because you are always around me”

“Because I'm always one school with you right? So you always see me everywhere” Nicko still doesn't want to admit it.

“You obviously annoyed the man who approached me during school”, I said, re-emphasizing our time at school.

“I'm not interrupting, I'm just joining you guys, is that wrong?”

“But after that you asked for I was no longer close to the man right?”

“And you obey his” Nicko said make me die a tick.

I looked at him for a moment and then immediately misbehaved. Nicko was right, I always obeyed his wishes, but I could not listen to him, but I still obeyed him.