Love, Let it Get Lost

It will never be comparable

When we got to the floor where our room was. Nicko and I were silent to see Ben still waiting in the waiting room. Both of Ben's co-workers are seen sitting there casually, while Ben continues to stand facing the daydreaming window staring at the scene outside the window.

Nicko walked towards the waiting room quickly, and I followed him. Ben heard my footsteps and Nicko walked into the waiting room.

“Oh Hello Mr. Ferdy” said Ben, then to two colleagues Ben also stood up to welcome Nicko.

“I'm sorry I've kept you waiting. Like there is an important thing that you need to tell me until you wait for me like this” said Nicko with a flat face staring at Ben. While I kept turning my face reluctant to stare at her.

I knew Ben was stealing glances at me, I could feel it, but I still didn't want to see him.

“Iya Sir. For this cooperation I was asked to my Papa to see Father. Because he said our cooperation was interrupted some time ago and we have to start from the beginning of”

I felt overwhelmed by what Ben said. Yes, our cooperation was interrupted because of him, because of the problem of his death that apparently never happened.

“Then let's come with me to my room, we talk in” Nicko said inviting Ben and his colleagues to come to his room.

Ben nodded his head, and followed us from behind. I know, Ben still keeps watching me, like he's watching my changes and he's eager to say hello to me.

When we were all in Nicko's room and sitting on the guest sofa, I sat down next to Nicko with a tablet in my hand to take note of each discussion.

Ben's coworkers begin to release a file and give it to Nicko, Nicko immediately takes over the file and Ben explains all the details very carefully, whereas I just keep focusing on taking notes on the tablet. Nicko and Ben continued to argue and discuss with their cooperation, and occasionally Ben glanced at me. Nicko also noticed Ben's eyes that kept glancing at me, but I didn't care about that.

When Nicko finished, they ended their conversation.

“Alright then I accept all your offers”

“Thank you Mr. Ferdy or to be more familiar I call with Mr. Nicko” said Ben sounded mocked.

She insinuated me who always told her about Nicko. But it looks Nicko is not at all disturbed by Ben's request.

“Usually the one who calls me by the name of Nicko is only my closest person, but if Mr. Ben wants, Mr. Ben can call me with anything” replied Nicko so wisely there.

Ben smiled in a friendly manner.

“Good thank you, hopefully our cooperation will take place well huh. And hopefully all our plans will be smooth and release next month”

“Oh yes. I almost forgot, maybe for the grand opening later we can withdraw until our wedding is over?” Nicko said he remembered our wedding that was promised at the beginning of next month.

The look on Ben's face turned startled, he looked at Nicko in confusion.

“Wedding? We ?” Ask Ben awkwardly.

“Iya” replied Nicko with a smile.

Nicko looked at me with a happy smile. He took my hand and held my hand gently.

“Me and Fawnia will have a wedding in the next month”, Nicko said, making Ben even more surprised.

Ben was silent for a moment, he looked at me in disbelief, but I looked at him coldly.

“Wedding? How can?” Ben looked confused.

Someone knocked on Nicko's door. That's Bima, she came in after she knocked on the door.

“Sorry to disturb Sir. But Mr. Dimas has been waiting for you, the appointment to meet in the meeting room with Mr. Dimas was past 20 minutes ago” said Bima.

Nicko glanced at me. Because I forgot to remind Nicko of their meeting. Nicko was still holding my hand that was stored in my lap.

“You are here first, wait for me” Nicko said.

I understand so well the word ‘wait for me’ that means what. He asked me to talk to Ben and get things done.

“Sorry Mr. Ben I have to meet with my guests, later we can arrange again our meeting schedule”

Ben could only nod with a still clumsy face and then look back at me in confusion.

“Let me talk to Mr. Ben” first, I said by continuing to look at Ben cynically.

“Alright” replied Nicko with understanding.

“Sorry I live first Pak” said to Nicko.

Ben looked at Nicko still clumsy.

“Oh Yes Pak”

Nicko walked out of the room in the follow with Bima.

“Can you two wait outside?” Pinta Ben to his two employees.

“Good Pak” answered them then they both went out letting me and Ben both in Nicko's room.

Ben and I continued to face each other sharply. I was anxious to cry and shout at him, for he could have appeared so easily before me without any prior explanation.

“How can you get married while I am still your husband, Ben said, making me squint my forehead with tears in my eyes.

I was shocked by his statement of feeling that he was still my husband.

“Suami?” Ask me cynically.

“What kind of husband left me for 4 years and told everyone he was dead”.

I never want any tears in Ben's presence, I don't want to look weak in his presence.

“I've been a single parent for over 4 years Ben. My status was alone in staying dead by mu”

“But I haven't died Fawnia, I can explain all her”

“Explain what? What do you want to explain?” I asked a little scream.

“You know? For 4 years I have been guilty of making you die, I continue to be blamed by your parents for your death. You know all this time I suffered from your loss?” I said with annoyance and started pitched high to him.

“I'm sorry Fawnia. I didn't mean to make you like this, I was forced to do it too. This is all because of my business in Kalimantan that makes me have to disappear if not.”.

“Whatever your reason, it will never be comparable to the suffering I felt all this time Ben!” I said cut off the conversation.

“I've lived enough with the misery you gave me. Your company is destroyed because the person you trust is in control of your company turns out to be a traitor. And you know what? I can't get a job anywhere, even I seem to be a private employee in a company even they don't want to hire me who has tainted his good name”

“My life was even harder when your parents took everything from me. I have to live from the beginning, figure out how to get money, how to survive without anyone to help me, how I can survive with Kara, how I can survive,for 4 years I we lived using only my own savings. I've been tormented all this time Ben, I've been at the lowest point of my life for losing everything including you”

I was so sad to remember my slump during her disappearance.

“And I just realized, it turns out my life is worse because I decided to marry you”