Love, Let it Get Lost

Bitter news

My name is Fawnia Iswari Faranisha which means a woman who is precious, respectful and always happy. My parents gave me that name hoping that I would be a precious woman who was always happy someday, but my fate did not match the beauty of my name. Now I am 26 years old but I have not seen the magic of my name.

I am the Young Mother of 1 child named Kara who is 4 years old. I have been a single parent since my son was born.

My husband died on the way home from his job in Borneo. He died on the flight that brought him home, his plane was in an accident that caused all passengers to die along with the crew, including my husband, Ben.

Ben is a good friend of mine, who helped me out of a slump 5 years ago. He was an angel sent by God to save me from all the trouble that almost took my life.

I've been an orphan since I was 14. My mom and dad died from a fire that burned down the entire house while they were sleeping at night, and since then I have been raised by Papaku's best friend, Om Rio. She took care of me until I was 21 and after that, I left the Om Rio family.

I don't have any brothers from Papa or Mama, because since childhood they never once talked about their families. All I know is that my parents Papa and Mama or Grandpa Grandma, who never agreed to my parents' relationship until they forced marriage and were abandoned by their families. Luckily Papa has high intelligence so he can make his own business from Zero to success and work with Om Rio his best friend since High School, so he can make his own business from Zero to success,that's what makes Om Rio feel responsible to be the only person who should replace Papa.

And today I'm still busy with my business in a property company that was inherited by my late husband Ben. My late husband used to be the owner of coal miners in various regions, and he purposely made a small company for me, he said,but when he died all the valuable assets of my husband had changed hands to his parents and I was left with only 1 apartment and also a small company.

From the beginning my in-laws never liked me, because they thought I had brought bad influence to Ben, his son. Ben does seem to love me so much that he always attach importance to me in comparison to his family, I have always been the number 1 in his life so that makes his family hate me. I always scolded Ben with his attitude like that, but he always said.

“There is nothing happy for me other than seeing you smile and the child in your birth will be born and make my life perfect”

He always said that, and made me feel full. I can no longer refute him if he already said that.

I sat in the corner of my apartment and stared out the window. It was raining so heavily back then, lightning struck and made such a huge flash out there. I hugged myself, warmed my body wrapped in a knit sweater that still made me feel cold.

I remember those times that were so painful for me. A time when I had to accept such a harsh reality.

...*****...

4 Years ago

When my son was born, Ben was on duty in Kalimantan and Keysa my best friend would contact Ben, but I held him off. But Keysa said that Ben already knew about my situation from his own parents. Ben immediately bought a plane ticket for his return to Jakarta, but that night it rained so heavily in the sky that it would pass through his plane that made Ben's plane out of control and fell into the open sea.

As soon as my son was born and I just hugged him full of joy and joy Keysa entered my room with a face so panicked and frightened. He opened the door tightly holding the door handle tightly and looked at me sadly. Me and a few other nurses who were in the room looked at Keysa in confusion.

“Ben” says it so heavily.

I frowned as I looked at her confusedly.

“Why Ben ? She's arrived?” Ask me with an uncertain feeling.

Keysa's eyes shed tears then he came up to me and hugged me tightly while crying. My son whom I just hugged was taken over by a nurse who was next to me.

“Why Key?” Ask me so scared.

“Faw... Ben..” said Keysa who just kept calling Ben.

“Why Ben why?” Tanya I tried to take off her hug.

Keysa let go of her hug and she looked at me so sadly. I waited for her to speak with a face so panicked.

I hope what Keysa said wasn't a bad thing.

“The plane that Ben was on board, had an accident Faw, his plane fell in the sea”

My heart stopped for a moment. Like being struck by lightning my heart was racing as fast as possible. My breathing began to feel heavy, I tried to hold back my tears.

I'm looking for my phone.

“Phone cave Ben ya” said me with trembling and keep shedding tears.

“Faw, Faww” call Keysa who keeps waking me up and prevents me from calling Ben.

“Diem Key, cave wants Ben” phone, I said by continuing to push my mobile phone looking for Ben's number.

“Faw, please”

I called Ben right away and hoped he'd pick up my phone and break the bad news Keysa said.

The phone's not connected, but I'm trying to call her until Ben's phone is connected.

“He must still be on the plane so there is no signal”, I said by trying to calm down but like it was in vain. Because I looked so panicked and scared.

“Faw.” Keysa was so worried to see me that he didn't seem to accept the reality he said and he tried to calm me down.

“Ngga Key, can't. Our daughter was just born. Ben needs to see first. This is what he's always dreamed of, Key. Having a child” I said by continuing to cry.

Keysa couldn't see my sadness and she hugged me tightly and cried with me.

“This can't happen Key, Ben can't leave us. He has promised to continue to keep us”, said I who continue to cry do not accept this bitter reality.

Finally I gave up, I cried on Keysa's shoulders as hard as I could, unable to accept the bad news I had experienced. After my parents left, I lost my husband.

“It's wrong I” said I remember Ben coming home because I was going to give birth.

“Ngga Faw, this is not your fault. This is a disaster, we will not know when the disaster will happen”

“It's wrong I Key it's my fault!” I said I kept blaming myself with the cries that flooded my cheeks.

“Stop Faw please stop” said Keysa who keeps trying to calm me down.

...*****...

I cried again remembering that incident. My cheeks were already soaked in floodwaters by cries I could no longer bear. I wiped my tears and breathed deeply.

“Mama cry again?” Asked the little girl who was hugging my legs looking at me worriedly.

Kara. My son is so sweet and beautiful.

I immediately smiled to hide my sadness and wipe away all the tears that had been shed on my face. I knelt to compensate for my beautiful child's height and gently stroked her hair.

“Ngga darling, Mama is just cold” said I kept lying, because this is not the first time she caught me crying.

Kara looked at me with a smile.

“Rain makes Mama cry again ya” Said the girl with her funny.

I looked at her with haru, and hugged her lovingly. How happy I am to have Kara who has kept me alive, and replaced Ben.