Love, Let it Get Lost

Changed my life

Back to 5 years ago.

Outside the rain so heavy, I went inside the hospital to check myself who was always vomiting so often. No one accompanied me because at that time, I was in a big enough trouble and forced me to live alone.

For almost 2 weeks I lived in a small apartment with savings belonging to my late parents for my life. The amount of money is quite large but I am sure it will not be able to accommodate my life for a lifetime, I still have to find a job and survive with my solitude.

When I entered the examination room I told my complaint to the female doctor who handled me.

“How long has Mbak been nauseous?” Ask her.

“It's been about 1 week” I replied weakly.

“When did you arrive last month?” The doctor asked me to be confused, but I tried to remember.

“23 March” answer me with doubt.

He then recorded all my answers on the paper on his desk.

“Let's come with me, I first check her stomach”

Pinta the doctor made me follow her with resignation.

I lay in the patient's bed comfortably, and the doctor lifted my shirt, and he lit a screen in front of me. He applied a gel that made my stomach cold, and was followed by a cold object that circled part of my stomach.

“Mbak, are Mbak married?” Ask the doctor that scares me.

“But”

“There are parents who can accompany Mbak here?” Ask her again.

“My parents have died”

“Mbak stay with whom?” Ask her again which makes me sad.

I continued to lie by staring at the ceiling so weakly.

“Self”

“Mbak pregnant, Mbak's gestational age has stepped on 5 weeks” said the doctor made me speechless continue to not move and began to shed tears that fell flowing next to my eyes.

The doctor kept talking but I didn't listen. I was so tired of all the problems that were happening to me, and now the new problems come back to make me so frustrated, he said, I kept crying silently in this bed lamenting my heartbreaking fate.

After I finished my check I was asked to redeem the medicine at the counter and immediately rested, yet I was really so tired of all this. I walked slowly and daydreamed so weakly. My face is so tangled, my long sleeves are so shabby and my dirty pants are no longer concerned. I have no one, my life is so sad, why else am I alive? I don't think it's any more use for me to live in this world.

I ran into a man who kept looking at me in confusion. I did not see the man, but I felt that he was watching me. I passed him by, he tried to call me but I did not hear him with all the silence in my mind.

I continued walking down the hallway and arrived at a balcony on the 4th floor that was so high. I stared straight ahead, holding the iron buffer, then raised my head to look at the pitch black sky. So quiet around there was no one passing by on that balcony.

Not even stars are there for me. I murmured in my heart.

I closed my eyes feeling the cold of the night slumping into my body, and came back shedding tears.

Mah, Dad, I'll catch up with you guys soon.

I just put my foot up on the balcony, and suddenly someone pulled my hand so tight and pulled me away from there.

I was crying and trying to let go of myself.

“Let go of me...let me die, let go of me!!” I kept shouting in rebellion.

“Fawnia is enough, I beg you to realize lah”

“No, let go of me, I am no longer useful to live, I want to die!!” I tried to get away from that guy.

“Fawnia please wake up!!” Shouted the man by continuing to hold both of my arms tightly.

Then I cried hysterically and looked at who the man was.

Ben's. He was my college friend. The man who used to feel for me but I never accepted his feelings.

I leaned on his shoulder and let out all my tears on his shirt.

“Ben, I want to die, I don't have anyone anymore”

Ben sighed, he stroked my hair so gently and tried to calm me down.

“We talk at my house ya” pinta Ben.

I didn't answer, but Ben took me away from there and immediately drove his car to his apartment not far from here.

He gave me hot chocolate and a towel on my back. My eyes are so red and puffy, there are still sobs that have not disappeared due to so great my crying while in the hospital.

Ben sat next to me and waited for me to tell him a story.

“I'm pregnant Ben” I said without further ado.

Ben was surprised to hear that. I looked at Ben so sadly.

“Pregnant?”

I'm silent for a moment.

“I'm pregnant and I don't have anyone”

“I don't know what else to do. I'm a kara, no one cares about me anymore. And now I'm carrying a child. I want to die Ben” then Ben immediately pulls me into his arms.

“I want to die” reset me by back crying.

“Faw. Your exam is indeed too heavy, but I'm sure you can go through his”

“No Ben. I can no longer afford it, the problem I carry is too heavy”

“No Faw” Ben looks so worried.

He breathed so deeply.

“Maybe God has deliberately brought you to me today” he said happily but heard he held back his sadness.

“I also have such a big problem that I assume my problem will never have a way out”

Then I quietly held back my tears, trying to listen to Ben.

“I will never have a future” Ben said making me let go of his embrace and stare at him in confusion.

“I was sentenced by the doctor could not have a child until anytime, because the treatment I was undergoing caused ku” irregularity

“You sick?” Ask me.

“Yes. There used to be surgical removal of the cancer glands a few years ago. And when I went through the treatment, the doctor said that I wouldn't be able to have a child because of the enormous influence inside her. My parents never knew about it either, but they kept forcing me to get married” immediately

I wiped my tears and turned Ben by stroking his arm.

At a time like this I was confused, I was sad apparently met with people who both have severe problems with different versions.

“Ben. Your problem will definitely be resolved soon, the doctor will definitely cure you”

Ben shook his head with a smile that looked so bland.

“No Faw. It's been running 2 years old her and doctors still say the same”

“But you can adopt a child?”

“I could have if only had to adopt a child, it was too easy. It's just that finding a woman who accepts me with this condition would definitely be so difficult”

“Ben” I'm trying to figure out how to calm her down. Looking for a sentence that I just don't understand about Ben's illness.

“There will definitely be a woman who accepts you as you are. He just has to love you sincerely, demand nothing from you, and you will live happily”

“It wasn't as easy as Fawnia had imagined. Can you imagine marrying someone who can't give you a child? Can't make you feel her beautiful conceiving a baby, and happy to see them born? You want to marry someone who can't give you that?”

I was stunned to hear the truth he said. Being able to have a child is the dream of all women in this world. While I was, I was pregnant yet in a way that no woman wanted.

“I also never imagined would be able to get pregnant with this situation Ben” said me like not to lose with her.

Lalau Ben seemed to think of something by combing my face.

“Faw” call Ben with such a deep gaze.

I looked at Ben who was looking at me expectantly. I was waiting for him to speak, but it seemed like Ben was still thinking the right words to tell me.

“Will you make me the father of the child in your womb?” My eyes were wide open at Ben's wishes, and my mouth was immediately locked so tightly.

I still can't believe this is gonna happen. A few hours ago I just wanted to end my life because I'm pregnant, and Ben came up with a story telling me he can't have a child. Is this destiny ?

“Allow me to be his father, and I will take full responsibility for you and your son in the future”

“Ben” call me so softly.

“God has brought us Faw. Each of us is in need of a way to move on, and you are his answer”

I don't know what to say, because Ben's desire was so hard for me to think. I'm afraid this isn't the right path for us.

“We will face our problems together, I will accompany you also your child, and we will live happily”

My eyes shed tears. I can't say anything anymore, I just see the sincerity that Ben says, and I don't deny that Ben's words are true. He came at the right time, but I was still so shocked by what I had just experienced. I was about to end my life, and Ben came up with a hard problem.

Is this really our destiny ?

*

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