Love, Let it Get Lost

Miss you Ben

The days have passed I still have not received good news with all the applications I have addressed in various companies throughout the country.

Today I daydream back on my couch wearing blue hotpants and cream-colored knit sweaters. I let my hair unravel beautifully by exposing it behind my ears. I hugged my cushioned sofa and looked blankly in front of me.

I'm getting frustrated and almost desperate with all this. All I'm afraid of is Kara. I can't lose him, he's the only one of my life's encouragement now. It feels like I would no longer be of any use if I were to lose him. Then Om Rio's shadow flashed through my mind.

I remember what happened 10 years ago. The incident about a house fire that killed my entire house and destroyed that multi-storey building.

That terrible night I was not sleeping at home, and when I woke up at night I had news that my house was on fire, and there was not a single person that could be saved inside the house. I screamed as loud as I could in front of the flames that were in front of me. I kept crying and forced to keep going inside the house and catch up with my parents who were inside. But Om Rio and Aunt Shinta kept holding me back and hugging me tightly.

“Mamaa..” call Kara disperse my daydreams. I was surprised and immediately looked at her with a sweet smile. Kara wears a plain yellow shirt and blue shorts the same as me. Her long hair was beautifully unraveled with bangs that were neatly lined up on her forehead.

“Hay gorgeous” greet me and immediately hold her to sit on my lap.

“I made this for Mama” she said by showing something on her pink folding paper.

It was a paper with a heart streak that was not so neat but very moving.

“Ahh Hrs... You made this for Mama?” My words are full of haru.

“Yes. And Kara also made one for Papa” said Kara made me gasp surprised to hear her. The paper was blue and there was also a heart shape so adorable that he had made it with his own hands.

I was stunned to see her so enthusiastic and still this innocent.

“You made this for Papa?” Ask me to hold back my sadness.

He just looked at me with passion.

I held back my tears and immediately hugged her so tightly.

“I Love You Kara” I say so sincerely and so sad.

“Love You Too Mama” answered who did not realize that I had hidden my sadness.

Suddenly the sound of my apartment bell rang. Kara and I stared at the door together. I lowered Kara slowly with my eyes constantly staring at the door.

“Wait here” asked me to Kara and she just nodded.

I quickly walked up to the door and peeked in the door hole to see who was behind the door.

That's one of the apartment clerks here. He carried a letter in his hand. I opened the door immediately.

“Ya?” My greeting to her.

“Good day Mom, here is another letter for Ibu” she said as she handed me a large brown envelope.

“OK thank you”

I closed the door and leaned against the door, and immediately opened the brown envelope.

This is a letter from the court asking me to immediately fulfill the summons that I have submitted. It's about Kara's custody. Ben's parents are still terrorizing me and forcing me to let go of Kara. It's been going on for over 5 years, Ben's parents still can't be nice to me. For years they never cared about me or Kara, but now that Kara's big start they're starting to want to get Kara's custody.

I invite them to meet well they refuse, they do not want to talk to me unless at the trial later. I don't want to give up, I still want to try and keep Kara.

I sat by the window and stared out in alarm with the envelope still in my hand.

“Ben..” said I hope Ben can listen to me.

“What should I do now? Your mom still wants to keep getting custody of Kara, and she insists on separating us. I don't want it to happen” I said so sadly.

If Ben were still around, none of this would have happened. And the three of us will definitely live happily.

I missed Ben and I noticed Kara still playing at the living room table with paper and pen scattered over her. She is so adorable and so happy. I can't imagine what if he finally left me like my whole family, including Ben, did. It seems my life will never matter again.

“Why you deserve to live well, and I'll get you all that. I don't want you to end up like me” I said in my heart.

At night, Keysa came to my apartment still wearing a sky-blue white striped shirt and a short black skirt,her hair was wavy with beautiful makeup that was still attached to her face.

Keysa read the letter from the court.

“Crazy yes in-law lo! Really forced to do custody of Kara” upset Keysa who always followed the emotion of seeing the attitude of the Ben family.

“Yes maybe they rate it comparable to losing Ben. Like they want me to also know what it feels like to lose a child” said me resignedly while cutting apples to Kara in the pantry.

“But all of that is not the fault of lo faw”

“Yes they think it's my fault. From the beginning we married also parents Ben ga agreed”

“And finally they were forced to approve you married because Kara was already in the stomach lo” continued Keysia recalled the incident back.

I'm silent not to pester him.

“Lo can not be in salahin rich gini continue dong Faw. Ben also took part in this problem”

Keysa's words that have upset me a little.

“Then what do you want? Come to Ben's grave and hold him responsible for the suffering that I and Kara have endured all this time?” Ask me by holding back a little of my emotions. Keysa just stared at me silently, he could no longer refute my words.

“Ben has no Key, this is not Ben's fault nor is it my fault. You yourself are often the one who says that this is all fate?” Say I remember a sentence that is often said if it is calming me.

I know Keysa is just too worried about me, he cares too much about me and Kara. But he must understand, if I am trying to find the best way out of my problems. I don't want him to overdo it with his fears