Love, Let it Get Lost

It's time

On the way I kept crying as hard as I could with the fear that had invaded my mind. I can no longer hide this from Nicko, I can no longer lie to him. But will the revelation of this secret to Nicko be a new problem for my life?

I'm really tired, I want it all to be over soon. I want to feel a quiet life without being haunted by the shadows of my time, especially about Kara. Such a big secret that I had always held myself for several years was finally revealed to Nicko . I wanted to end it all, but I couldn't handle all the Nicko family's reactions when I found out. I'm afraid they don't accept the mistake that Nicko and I made 5 years ago, and instead make them hate me for knowing that Kara is their biological granddaughter outside of marriage.

“Mbakwas. Where are we going?” Ask the taxi driver, because he just kept going around Jakarta waiting for me who was crying.

“We go to Alonia” Apartment answered me while wiping away my tears and calming myself down.

I picked up the phone in my bag and immediately contacted Susi to ask Kara. But the phone is not connected. I tried to call her again but still not active.

Ordinary no Mbak is not active when Ma'am Susi comes home because her mobile phone is damaged and must use wifi to activate data. But there's no way Susi's going home without telling me

“Pak sorry can be faster?” Pinta me for being so panicked.

Jakarta was indeed jammed that afternoon, making me even more anxious and agitated. I'm pictured by Nicko. I'm afraid she's coming to the apartment and seeing Kara.

A few minutes later, I arrived at my apartment. I immediately ran towards the elevator and pressed down on the floor where my room was.

My feelings are already bad, I'm afraid of anything happening with Kara.

When the elevator opened, I ran down the hallway to my apartment. And finally I arrived at the front door of the apartment, I immediately pressed the key to his room and immediately lunged inside.

“Kara...” cried out as soon as I closed the door.

Sure enough, the house is tidy and Sister Susi is not seen around my apartment..

“Honey Mama home” shouts me.

“Kara in Ma” room yelled Kara replied to my words.

I immediately ran towards my room.

And how shocked I was to see Nicko sitting on my bed wearing only a shirt and playing with Kara so quietly on the bed.

He ignored my presence at all.

“Mama is home ?” Ask Kara who is surprised because usually I come home almost late at night.

“Iya, Mama is done working her” replied I tried to smile to her.

“Tadi Om Nicko here he said kangen Kara continues to invite Kara to play in the room” said Kara innocently.

Nicko still ignored me, and continued to play with the puzzle in his hands.

I don't think she's found anything yet, and I quickly walk into my closet and look for Kara's birth certificate to hide from Nicko.

I took out my clothes and looked for the files I had stored on the green map. The map is very important to me, and I don't want Nicko to see it.

The map wasn't there, but I kept looking for it in every closet and locker quickly and in a hurry.

“Search for this?” Ask Nicko by showing the green map that is already in his hands.

I was shocked and jolted to see Nicko already got Kara's birth certificate. I looked at her in panic.

“Tadi Om Nicko borrow Mama” workbook Kara said innocently.

Trying to calm down, I smiled at Kara so she wouldn't feel the tension between me and Nicko.

“How can I play outside first? Mama wants to talk to Om Nicko” ask me gently.

Without answering, Kara brought some of her toys to take out of the room and then closed the door.

Nicko was still standing at his spot by the window with a hold of the green Map in his hand. I also looked at Nicko who was starting to look emotional.

“What is Faw? What does all this mean?” Nicko asked with his face that looked so disappointed.

“Why is my name you put on Kara's birth certificate?”

Nicko has read it, I can no longer quibble.

Yeah, Nicko's name I listed as Kara's real father instead of Ben. Because I knew everything was going to be like this when I found out Ben died, but I didn't think anything would happen this fast.

“What is Kara right my son?”

I was still silently staring at Nicko with a sigh.

Nicko looked at me in disbelief.

“Why can you hide about Kara from me all this time? Why can something this big you hide from me Faw?”

I really don't know where to start explaining to Nicko, because I've started to see Nicko already so angry with me.

“What do you want Fawnia?! Say what you want?!” Nicko shouted, which scared me even more.

“By hiding this big thing, you've hurt both me and Kara Fawnia, why can you do this so long to us ?!”

I started shedding tears. I know it's tough, but this is when Nicko knows everything.

“What do you think I should do when I find out I'm pregnant with your son Nicko?” I started crying because I had to go back to remembering my sad past.

But I saw Nicko breathe a sigh of relief when I said that Kara was his son.

“Your parents have been so kind to me all this time and would accept me to be their family without distinguishing me from you. But what is my reply? I even let them down. I instead went out of bounds with their only child and instead caused me to get pregnant outside of marriage! You think I would have told them that I was actually pregnant with your child?!” my tears can no longer be contained. I came back crying so.

“Can you imagine how disappointed they were when I said that? How sorry are they for trusting me all this time?” I shook my head with a scared look.

“I can't do that Nicko. I don't want to hurt their hearts”

“Then what about me?” Nicko asked as if all this was unfair.

“Nicko please understand! I don't want to disappoint your parents, I know they want the best for you, they want your future to be successful and happy like what they've always dreamed of and.”.

“And what?!” Nicko's screams made me shut up again.

Nicko looks so angry.

“You think with your departure all this time yesterday will make me happy? You think that hiding Kara from me will calm you down? Think of this well Fawnia” Nicko approached me closer, he looked me in both eyes.

“I will never regret having made you give birth to Kara, I will never care how everyone responds about me. I will always protect you Fawnia, I will not let you face all this alone, I promised ?”

My crying is becoming.

“You shouldn't have carried this heavy burden alone long ago, and you shouldn't have married anyone other than me”

“Nick..” I tried to explain about Ben to him but Nicko held both of my cheeks gently and made me go back to silence.

“My work now would not have been done if I had never seen you first in the office,when you came to apply for jobs” continued Nicko made me remember when I first came to Nicko's office and indeed at that time I felt like someone was watching me from afar.

“You know? Before you came to that office, it almost messed up Fawnia. I was appointed Papa as President Director just so I had other activities besides thinking about you”

“I never want to come to the office in the morning, I never want to attend meetings, I never care about the progress of the company that I hold at that time, I never care about the progress of the company, even I never cared about anything that happened in that office until you came”

I kept looking into her eyes with haru.

“You made me rise, you made me live again. The cure of my plight all this time is just you Fawnia”

I remembered what Papa said, that Nicko finally wanted to continue Papa's company after all this time Papa persuaded him.

“This has been proven. You will never be able to leave me, and you are destined only for me” Nicko said with confidence.

I shook my head unable to accept his words.

“No Nicko. It can't be this”

“Can't how do you mean? Kara is one of the real proof if we can't separate” Nicko yelled in annoyance as I continued to deny his remarks.

“If you want to hide this truth, you can just write Ben's name on Kara's birth certificate, but you instead write my name as her birth father. That's all because you are sure that someday you will return, and this reality you will never be able to change right ?”

I continued to look at Nicko sadly hearing that everything he said was true.

“Then what should I do now?” I asked so badly, no longer knowing what to do.

“Don't ever again try to face all this alone. I will always be there for you no matter what. You can no longer disappear from me, you must always be by my side, from now on and forever”

“But Nick.”

“I don't accept rebuttal, otherwise I will fire you” Nicko made me stare at him in confusion then smile while crying at his joke.

Nicko pulled me into his arms and finally my tears broke again in the chest of his field. I miss her so much, miss her so much, every time I wish I could re-hug her like this and we could be together like we used to be without any problems. And now that all is granted, my wish is granted, the end of my lost love is finally back, and his warm embrace still feels like old times.

“So Kara is my son?” Nicko asked when I was still in his arms.

He still wanted to hear this reality that made him happy.

“Ya”

“For 4 more years you take care of it yourself?”

“Ya”

“Did Kara know about her birth papa? Or does he even know Ben as his Papa?”

“Not”

Nicko let go of his embrace.

“So?”

I sighed first and wiped away my cheek-drenched tears.

“I always tell Kara that Ben is a good person, and he is my husband or Papa. And she knows that her biological Papa is away at work and can't go home because he's busy” I said the only thing Kara knows is that.

“Means Kara can know now if I'm her Papa?” Ask her enthusiastically.

“Nick, for that one can you delay first ? At least until your parents know this?”

“When was that?”

“I don't know. We have to find the right time to tell them, and we have to be ready with all the consequences there”

“I will always be ready Fawnia. And I will always keep my promise, to never leave you and Kara”, Nicko said.

He kissed my lips gently.

This kiss finally came back, I could again kiss Nicko's lips affectionately. Nicko passionately continued to kiss my lips attached myself to his body, as if Nicko had not let me go for now.

“Maaa, is the talk done?” Kara's voice sounded outside the door with her sweetness.

Nicko and I stopped our kisses and smiled at Kara waiting for us outside the room. Nicko quickly opens the door for Kara and crouches down to compensate for Kara's height. She looked at Kara sadly, but she held back her cries and hugged Kara so tightly. Kara who doesn't understand anything can just shut up, and accept Nicko's embrace.

“We're done talking, Kara want to continue playing?” Nicko asked while rubbing Kara's hair affectionately.

“Mauu” exclaims with a smile.

Then Nicko held Kara up to the bed and continued playing there. I'm so happy to see them together without worrying about fear like they used to. I'm so relieved that Nicko finally found out that Kara was his daughter. Nicko already knows everything, now lives Nicko's parents, I just wait for the time to come.