Love, Let it Get Lost

Introgation about the past

After a few hours Kara finally fell asleep on the sofa and Nicko moved her into the room. I went to the pantry to make her a warm drink first before she left, I made caramel milk for me and for her.

Nicko came out of the room and came up to me, and then he sat in the pantry seat.

“Drink first, then you can go” I said cynically.

“You tried to expel me ?” Ask her.

“Ya” answer me cold.

“Alright” then he sipped his hot drink, and I thought of something about yesterday's incident at his house.

“Are you no longer staying at Mama and Papa's house?” Ask me while leaning on the pantry table without looking at her and continue to hold my hot cup, for a diversion of my gaze.

Because honestly, until now I actually still feel nervous if I have to talk about things outside of my work with her.

“Iya”

“Why?”

“Because I don't want to stay there”

“Since when?” I started to look into his eyes.

Nicko looked at me coldly.

“Since you left the house” replied Nicko making me stare at him feeling guilty.

“Then where do you live?” Ask me again to turn my face away.

“Why?” Her question is cynical.

“You want to ask me to go back to that house?” Ask Nicko who can always read my mind.

“I'm just confused. Why do you want to leave your parents there”

“Can't the question be turned around for you?” His insinuation in a slightly up tone discussed my departure.

“Why can you leave my parents there so well?” Nicko asked me in a very upset tone.

“Why talk about me? I'm about you” cynical I don't want everyone to turn to me.

Then Nicko put down his glass and he looked at me with annoyance.

“Listen. I am no longer a child who can obey my parents. I have my own path to continue life without having to follow to their selfishness”

“But they only want the best for you Nicko”

“Are we going to go back to discussing that issue again?” Said Nicko in an annoyed tone and did not look interested in my discussion.

I fell silent and locked my mouth, no longer answering. Because I didn't realize that this discussion would bring our past.

“OK. You ask, we will discuss all his back”, Nicko said as he woke up from his seat approaching me.

I was still leaning against my pantry table and Nicko came up to me, he was standing right in front of me so close,then he put his hands on the table on both sides of me and locked me up so I could see his face clearly in this position. I saw every curve of Nicko's face that I've missed so much. His brown eyes, his sharp nose, white skin and thin lips make him still look handsome like this. But the look on his face now looks so cold and upset. I gripped the cup I held to hold my fear. My heart suddenly beat faster and my breathing became less and less.

“Where have you been all this time?” Her questions started to interrogate me.

I'm still quiet.

“Why did you disappear? Why don't you come back? What made you leave? Why are you so cruel to leave us?” Her question was so sharp with questions that I found it very difficult to answer.

I kept staring at her beautiful brown eyes with anxiety attacking me.

“Can you answer her?” Ask Nicko.

Then he quietly waited for me to talk.

“I.. I haven't been able to answer Nicko” I said nervously.

“Why? There's a big secret you're hiding from me?” Her question read my mind.

I'm getting more and more anxious about her question that's like a corner about Kara's secret.

“Nicko, I don't want to discuss it”

“You started it Fawnia!” said with annoyance.

“I tried to forget all those problems and you instead dug up all the questions that I buried long ago”

“Now I want to know his answer, and you have the right to answer” I was so afraid to look at Nicko who was like this.

He's so creepy, and I can't handle a situation like this. My mouth was still locked, but Nicko was still staring at me waiting for me to answer.

“I think we should really discuss this” I still kept silent not answering.

“You know?”

“The travel you did frustrated me, making me hate both my parents. Just this time I felt like I had hated my own parents Fawnia, it was all because of you!”

I stared into Nicko's eyes with a glare. He was really angry.

“I..” I would love to talk and answer Nicko's questions, but it feels so heavy and I can't be honest with him at the moment.

“5 years I searched for you Fawnia, 5 years I tried to find you everywhere. I was desperate, I almost gave up, but my heart didn't. My heart asks me to keep holding on to the feelings that I have Faw. But it turns out that all this time you disappeared and married another man” said with full of disappointment that so radiated on his face.

“Nick..” would love for me to explain everything to Nicko, but my mouth is completely locked.

“I should hate you right now” Nicko said as he began to wrap his arms around me tightly like he was afraid that I would run away from him.

“I should have hated you when I found out that you were married and had children from other men”

Like being struck by lightning, my heart was so hurt to hear Nicko call Kara someone else's child.

“Nicko” I started crying.

“I never knew if you refused your parents' match at the time. I also never knew that you were still looking for me all this time. I thought you were happy with someone else, I thought you were living a new life, Nick, until I met Ben”, I said I gave him a little understanding so he wouldn't misunderstand me and assume I forgot him.

Nicko shook his head firmly and looked back at my eyes with tears so held in his eyeballs.

“Do you still not understand? I just want you, I just need you beside me, which I believe only you can accompany me is not someone else or my parents choice”

“Nicko..” shirked me so sad to hear his confession.

Not long after the door of my apartment opened.

“Fawniaaa.!!” The voice of a woman who suddenly entered the apartment and shouted as if she did not hear she had pressed my apartment door code because it was so stressful this conversation.

Keysas. He was surprised to see me and Nicko together in the pantry facing so close. I didn't dare turn my back, I kept quiet in my position, but Nicko was staring hard at Keysa behind me.

“Ops. Sorry,gue disturb?” Keysa asked clumsily and continued to look at the two of us in turn.

Nicko with an annoyed look on his face away from me, he walked towards the living room table casually leaving me still stuck in the pantry hiding my sadness.

“Hay Key. How are you?” Ask Nicko while cleaning his luggage such as mobile phones, car keys and hats.

This is the first time Nicko and Keysa have met after all this time.

“Gue well” clumsy Keysa, he was really confused and felt guilty coming at a time that he felt was not right.

“Lo how are you?” Keysa asked back with a smile that looked so forced.

“Gue never felt good” answered her so flatly, making Keysa stare at her confusedly.

“Gue go home first”, Nicko said as he walked out of the apartment past Keysa who was still confused to see Nicko's presence in my apartment.

After hearing the sound of Nicko's footsteps coming out and the door shut tight, I was able to breathe with relief and lean on the table limp. Keysa ran towards me quickly.

“Nicko why is Faw here? She was talking about Kara?” Ask Keysa curiously.

I put my cup on the table and buried my face in my palms and I shed my tears there.

“Faw..” call Keysa. He seemed worried because he saw me cry like this.

“Nicko doesn't know anything about Kara” I replied with an uncertain mind.

“Continue talking about what?”

“He talked about the past, where am I going? What's the reason I left? And why can I do that bad by marrying another man?”

“Keep the answer to what?”

“Gue dare to answer Key. I can't lie to him either, he always knows that I'm hiding something. He can always read my mind”

Keysa took a breath hearing that I was still hiding this big secret to Nicko.

“Lo will continue to hide this from Nicko?”

I stared at Keysa worriedly.

“Gue ga tau Key. I also confused”

“Something Nicko will know about the truth of Kara Faw. And you should be ready to accept all his”

“Gue. But I belom ready to receive a reaction from his family”

“Emang you think his family reaction will be how? They'll be caci elo just like the Ben family?” Keysa asked me which I was hesitant to answer.

“Nicko family ga rich Ben Faw family. They're different, I'm sure Nicko's family will be more accepting of elo and all its truths. Moreover, Kara is really Nicko”'s biological child

“But I'm afraid to make them disappointed because I can't take care of myself

“Faw. Never think negatively. That's what you often say to me?” Keysa quoted the words he always heard from my mouth.

“The more you think negative the more you will be afraid and bad things can happen, but if you think positive everything will go well as you expect. Do you remember that, Faw?”

I silently confirmed Keysa's words. Not necessarily Nicko's family will berate me like Ben's. I know Nicko's family well, and I'm sure they'll take all the trouble well. But surely they will feel a little disappointed because of my behavior and Nicko who has gone too far so that causes me and Nicko to have children out of wedlock. And now the boy is growing.

“Gue wants you to think this well. So that you calm down and do not continue to be haunted with this problem” said Keysa then he left me alone in the pantry to think.

I'm afraid I'm gonna have to keep hiding this until Kara grows up. I didn't want Kara to understand her situation any more, and she hated me because I was hiding her real father's status. And I want Nicko to know that Kara is his daughter.