Love, Let it Get Lost

Promise I will keep

5 years ago.

I was sitting in my bed with Ben and stroking my growing belly. I wear a pink negligee and Ben wears a plain t-shirt and black jogger pants.

“We will name our child who will be ?” Ask Ben who continues to gently caress my stomach.

“Indeed it should be now?” Ben's asking made me squint.

“Iya is Ben. Giving that name can't suddenly”

Then Ben looked up at the ceiling and seemed to be thinking about something.

“Nyimas Ayu Prawira” said Ben with a very serious look, but made me turn my eyeballs.

“Ben...” call me to warn her not to joke for now. Because Nyimas Ayu is the name of our household assistan in this house.

“Hahaha yes I'm kidding. I'm handing it all over to you”

“Do not dong. His only child we have to you who give the name”

Ben looked at me with a fixation. He was stunned to see me. And I gave her my best smile.

“Iya. Precisely because this will be our one son, I want you to give it a name. Because you who have been pregnant for 9 months, and you who will later struggle to give birth to his” said Ben made me so moved.

“Alright we both will give names together ya” said I to get justice.

“What if Caramel?” Ask her.

I narrowed my forehead staring at him in confusion.

“You will love caramel so much, why will not our child be named Karamel”

“No Ben” replied I strongly refused with his choice.

“Why?”

“The tree is not” answered me so firmly.

Ben looked at me carefully, he saw my face that already looked annoyed remembering something.

“Is this related to Nicko?” Ask Ben carefully.

I looked at him with annoyance.

“We promised never to talk about it, right?” I said remembering. My face had turned so scary that Ben was scared.

“I...” said Ben stammered with dismay at seeing me who was already angry like this.

Then I got out of bed with great difficulty because my big belly got in the way.

“Faw..” call Ben with a clean.

I put on my sandals and walked outside leaving Ben still in our bed.

1 month later when my son was born and I got word that Ben was gone. I was lying on a hospital bed daydreaming staring at the ceiling with her unceasing tears streaming down my cheeks. Keysa who was beside me continued to accompany me and calm me as much as possible.

A nurse came into my room.

“Sorry Ma'am. For his child to be named who?”

Keysa was confused looking at me who was still daydreaming.

“Euh Mbak's. Later I will tell you yes, at this time my friend is still.”

“Karamel” answer I cut Keysa talk.

Keysa stamped on me so easily.

“Karamel Madhava Prawira” replied me without moving a single bit from my slumber.

I closed my eyes to endure the pain I was experiencing. The pain of giving birth has been forgotten and no longer felt, but the heartache that I experienced is so intense for my life even to this day.

...—****—...

Back to my present life.

The next morning I called Bima to ask permission not to go to work for today.

“You've only been in a few days Faw, and you've asked permission. I'm afraid Mr. Ferdyan won't allow”

In my heart I said.

I don't care if Nicko will get me out, because Kara means more to me now.

“I have an important need that I cannot explain”

“You better pass this permission to Mr. Ferdy. Because it feels rude if I deliver her”

It does. I shouldn't have asked Bima to tell Nicko about my entry permit today.

“Good. I'll try to contact her. Thanks Bim”

“Sama-sama Faw's. Hope your business is done” quickly

“OK”

I hung up the phone and stared at my phone screen. I walked around in the apartment thinking about what reason I would give Nicko to let him not come in today.

I took a deep breath and then quietly exhaled it. And boldly call Nicko for his first time in person.

“Ya?” So greet Nicko so coldly.

“Today I want work permit”

“Why ?”

“There are important affairs”

“What solution?”

I closed my eyes to think of the right reason for Nicko but I couldn't seem to lie.

“I have a hearing in court today”

“Trial? Because what?” Her question sounded so panicked.

“I, I want to seize custody of Kara with my former in-laws”

Suddenly Nicko was silent and unresponsive. Sounds so quiet on the phone.

“Hallo?” How can I make sure the phone is still connected.

“Good. Tomorrow morning I wait in the office”

When I was professional he made me remember the past because of his attitude like this..

“Thanks”

“OK”

Then I hung up on her. Thinking about how good Nicko was to me. He never even heard the slightest bit of scolding me in the office if I did anything wrong. And Nicko seemed to encourage me to keep working there by making me as comfortable as possible to work.

Yet still. I can't fall back into his life. I have to remember my problems with Nicko in the past. I can't go back to that time.

I immediately took a shower and prepared in my tidy clothes to attend the trial that was conducted in court. I'll hold Kara back, no matter how. I don't want Kara to fall into the hands of someone else who isn't her responsibility. Mama and Papa Ben should be ready to accept everything.

I got ready with my cream-colored long sleeves and black toad pants. I tie my hair so as not to disturb me while fighting with the Ben family later, I also wear Kara clothes that match my color, cream-colored dress and black leging. Kara's hair is tied up just like me.

I dressed Kara as pretty as I could.

“Mama won't give Kara to Oma right?” Kara asked with a worried face.

I was so sorry to see Kara who could already feel this kind of worry.

“Sayang. I promised you, if you'd never let you stay with Oma. And Mama will keep the promise Mama it” said I with full confidence.

“Mama promise?” Ask her again by raising her index finger.

I smiled and held back my tears that were almost dripping, but I blocked her so that Kara would not worry about seeing me who was sad.

I greeted Kara's index finger with my index finger, then hooked it. This is our bond of promise, not with the pinkie but with the index finger.

“Janji” replied I smiled at him and hugged him so tightly.