Go home

The Unruly

Renjana Kanya's

“It's better?” araz asked as I returned to where we were sitting. The man shifted his seat and let me pass.

“Already. Thanks for giving me a chance to chat with Son, Mas.”

Shortly after I woke up earlier, before entering Bojonegoro Station, Araz told me that Putra wanted to talk to me. When I asked what was going on, the man asked me to call Son. So I decided to go to the toilet so that my conversation would not disturb the other passengers. Especially when I realized many of the passengers were still fast asleep. Moreover, I can't be sure if my tears can be held back by talking to the man.

Sure enough, I couldn't help but cry. The burden of my mind was too full and it made it easy for me to shed tears. Moreover, the sentence after sentence that the Son spoke made it easier to invite tears.

Even during the journey, there were countless times when I secretly cried. If only Araz wasn't there beside me, I might have been considered a heartbroken woman. Good thing Araz's presence could make me hide my tears.

“Thank God. I know anyway, the existence of Putra can also be a medicine for you.”

Araz's smile that left a frown at the end of his eyes was expanding. I smiled back.

"Thank you, Mom."

“However you were in the past, but at the moment you remain as brothers. Yes, I will forbid you from talking to your own sister. He's also ‘kan will finally be my brother. Haha ... strange also felt when I realized that my sister would be much younger.”

I blushed to hear Araz's statement. Her hesitation in thinking of the Son as her brother made me think far ahead. And that's a little treat for my anxiety about going home.

Hufftt .. I took a deep breath. Again the word home disturbs the mind. My conversation with my son was back. Could it be true that my return this time can treat the wounds that have been lodged in the heart for so long? Is it possible to talk to mama able to erase about the grudges that have long been clumping?

I know, the Son said the right thing when talking about me and my mother who were both stubborn. Both have their own views of what is right and wrong. Also equally unwilling to admit if there is a feeling of longing that is secretly knocking on the door of the heart. I am too cowardly to admit and maybe mama, as Om Eka and Putra said, if the woman is too prestige and makes the problems between us never finished.

My heart is beating fast. The train was moving faster and faster to the destination station. Even less than a few minutes. My mind is getting less and less. What do I do when I face someone I don't want to meet? What can I do to save someone who says I need my powers? And the one thing that kept bothering my mind, could I meet him if he last met him still insist on rejecting my presence? 

"A little while we get to the destination. You're okay, aren't you?" asked Araz to throw my daydreams away.

"Yes, Mas. I'm fine," I said without intending to be strong-willed, but originally withstood an increasingly irregular heartbeat. It's just that I don't want to make Araz any more worried.

Araz tightened his embrace on my shoulder. The pair of middle-aged men and women who had earlier greeted us, quietly glanced with their tails. It is possible that they listened to our conversation and felt strange about what had happened. They can also wonder what makes me so whiny and sniffy during the trip. 

"The man who had said hello earlier, prayed that your business would be finished quickly and things quickly improved," Araz said as he walked beside me. Towards our pick up who was waiting at the station exit.

I smiled in response to Araz's story. “They are very kind to pray for people who are not even known.”

“There will always be good people praying for you, Kanya. Everything will be fine.”

Again I just smile. While the male messenger Om Eka had already taken over our luggage and brought it to the parked car not far from the station exit. During the trip, there were no more talks between us. Just like we did the same trip last year. Only, this time it was different. We're silent it's not a matter of me being offended by Araz's question about the Son. The wound has healed. However, there were still other wounds that demanded to be healed immediately as well. Dan, I hope I can.

***

“Non Kanya, want to go home or directly to the hospital?” ask the driver who sent Om Eka. The same guy who picked me up from Almira's house. However, until now I have not intended to ask his name.

“Just let us go to my friend's house, sir. The one you used to pick me up.”

I know, again I must be troubling Almira. Yesterday before leaving, I had time to contact my best friend to hold the goods for a few days. Really, going home is not that easy for me. A residence that holds many memories with my father, it felt so foreign when I came. It was only a few hours that I was there and it was enough to rip apart my innermost sensitive side.

“Why not go directly to the hospital?” tanya Araz finally made a sound after a long time we were silent to each other.

“It's been night, Mas. We'll be in the hospital tomorrow morning. I don't want to disturb the break Om Eka or ... Mama.”

“This is not the way you dodge anymore ‘kan?”

I took a long breath. Araz's question isn't entirely wrong. This is my way of buying time so as not to meet the woman immediately. During the journey I really established my heart and mind to be able to accept everything. Pain, disappointment, and forgiveness as the Son said.

However, I really can't. It was precisely my heart beating faster and anger rumbled within the chest. Had I forced it to come early today, it would have added a new wound that had not yet healed between me and.

“Sorry, Mom. I can't yet. There is still a painful feeling that I cannot accept. Can ‘kan, we go to the hospital in the morning? Moreover, Almira must have been waiting for us and it is impossible to sleep before we get to.”

Araz doesn't dispute my statement. He just smiled understandably and pulled my head gently to lean on his shoulder. A place that now feels so comfortable compared to anything else I've ever felt before. The man gently stroked my hair until I finally fell asleep. Let go of all the lara that made me even hard to breathe.