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Uneasily

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Son could not close his eyes last night. The man kept looking at his screen. Reading the message Anggit just sent before 12:00 pm after training. As a result, the Son could not sleep at all because he thought about what he should do tomorrow when he met Kanya.

Does she still insist on avoiding him? Will the woman curse him? Or that woman doesn't care about him at all? What if Kanya kicked him out before he even had a chance to say hello? What if it turns out Kanya no longer occupies the apartment building? Anyway Audya last sent the package already since six months ago. Even Kanya's mind could not guess what she would do over the next month.

There are so many questions that disturb the mind of the Son. Making the 26-year-old man was also unable to close his eyes even though the clock on the wall of the room he lived in with Arlan had shown at 01.30 in the morning. An anxious son awaits a tomorrow that feels longer than usual. Even during this time, he felt the night was less long and knew early morning very quickly.

The son stared at the bed beside him which was occupied by Arlan. The man had fallen asleep since. Even before the Son completed his bathing ritual. As if without the burden of thoughts that bother him.

The house that became the Nada Sumbang basecamp, did have only three rooms. So someone must be willing to give up sharing the bed with other personnel. At first Putra wanted her own room, but Arlan forced the boy to share the room. Fortunately, the room was quite large. So they can insert two medium-sized beds without having to share a bed anyway.

"Ar, woi Arlan. Really sleep lo."

On a whim, Putra called Arlan who was clearly sound. He even woke up from his lying position and poked Arlan's face with a marker, to ward off boredom waiting for the morning.

Perhaps this is how the figure portrayed Noah Band - when it was still using the name Peterpan and the soundtrack to the film Alexandria played by Julie Estelle - in her song Waiting for the Morning.

What happened to my heart

I'm here waiting for the morning

As if tired doesn't bother me

I'm still awake waiting for the morning

Tonight, the night stays like this

I don't know why the morning came back

Huufftt.The Son's breath grew even more congested as he imitated the song in his heart. His puckering on Arlan's face is gone. He went back to laying on the foam mattress and looked at the ceiling of the room. The anxiety had not faded from his heart. Precisely getting stronger with the seconds of the clock that continues to roll, but feels slow when felt.

The son held his back. Get up from his reclining position and step towards the balcony of the room facing the side yard. Silent. But his heart was rowdy calling Kanya's name which actually made the man more anxious.

He reached into his pants pocket and took out a cigarette box. He had quit smoking for a long time. At first he was just a prank trying during High School, but hunted Kanya and never touch her again. Occasionally he smoked while in college to ward off fatigue that was too thick. But lately the habit has come up again. For the sake of lightening the burden in his mind that he cannot easily share with others. Except for Noah, his cousin.

The son inhales cigarette smoke and lets it fill the lung cavity. Then exhale it through the mouth while occasionally forming it into a circle that is then lost in the air. Recur. Until without feeling he had spent three cigarettes in one sitting. It has exceeded the limits of his agreement with himself.

"Why the hell are you, Kanya's mind again?"

Suddenly Arlan was already standing beside the Son and snatched the cigarette box from the man's hand. Arlan sat on the balcony and enjoyed the silence at 02:00 in the morning while smoking a booty cigarette. His face is still full of scribbles due to the actions of the Son. But the Son acted as if nothing happened even though it was difficult to hold back laughter.

"Eh, I suddenly found an idea for songwriting" Arlan said as he got off the balcony. He walked towards the room and picked up his buttered acoustic guitar.

The Son's heart suddenly wet. The man knows for sure the history of the butut guitar currently in Arlan's lap. The guitar used to be a gift from Arlan's mother as a 10th birthday present before she died. The Arlan family is one of the people who play music as a profession. His mother used to be a famous singer despite being provincial. His father was a band player. Naturally, if Arlan had been playing music from an early age.

"Dinda, why are you tormenting my heart. The things I always felt. Can you go with your shadow.

Don't torture this mind anymore. I just want to smile again. Even without you here."

Arlan repeats the musical notation from the beginning and sings a clear song just to satirize the Son. But Putra seemed to not care and follow the lyrics of the song created instant by Arlan. They sang while occasionally exchanging complaints.

Until without feeling the Son shed tears. An event that rarely happens if not while counseling with Noah. Arlan was even surprised to see how fragile the Son who had been covered by his fierce nature.

"Gue doesn't know, how can sometimes parents be so selfish" said the Son among his sobs. The misbehaved Arlan was only able to stop his guitar passages and stare at the face of the Son who had turned sad. "They take whatever decisions they want under the pretext of being in the interest of the child. If the case is like I'm the same, do they also still argue for our interests. Their kids?"

"Sori Put, it's not that I don't have empathy, but I'm afraid I'm wrong to answer your question."

Son smile. He himself was surprised how he could easily say a sentence that even he could hold desperately so as not to be thrown in front of Noah.

"Gue also wondered why you can talk about the same gini. I never talked to Noah."

"But I'm asking you seriously, how the hell are you?"

"I want to get to the end with him. But what can I do, Ar? Our parents are married and they will soon have children. Would I have the heart to see the baby who has no sin anything should be separated from his father and mother? I'm broken home, Ar. And I don't want my sister to do the same. It hurts to grow up without a complete parent."

"If that I also know anyway, even though our case is different. A heavy baby grows without a complete parent. We are forced to understand the situation unequally."

"Well, that's why I don't want the same incident for my sister. Wherever it is the seed of my biological father who was deposited in the womb of his mother Kanya. I also have a responsibility to take care of. But I also can't accept the fact that Kanya must be my sister even though she has no blood ties. Our society is still taboo with such a thing if I mean to stay the same Kanya to the end."

Arlan patted the Son's shoulder. Distribution of strength so that his friend was able to pass through problems that have not been completed for years, because the source of the problem always fled every time he wanted to be invited to solve it.

"If you meet Kanya, what will you say?"

"Gue wanted to apologize because in the past I couldn't ask them firmly to separate. I can't promise to stop loving Kanya as a girl, but I will try to be a good sister to her. Also make my adek which is still in the womb. At least that's all I think about now. Lo know what Ar feels like, my heart hurts more from staying away from Kanya. I also want to be happy with Kanya even in a different way."

"You're sure you can position yourself as a good brother to make, Kanya?"

"Gue doesn't know, but I'll try. What I regret Ar, I always forced him to elope without ever hearing his opinion about it. As if it was our desire and not my selfishness. I just realized now. Kanya does not need to live abroad or anywhere far away with me, all she needs is to live near her father and mother. But I kept Kanya away from both of them. I want to take him home, Ar. To the real place. Not next to me."

Arlan listened carefully to the complaints of the Son's heart which had been kept neatly alone. Obviously the man could not move on quickly from Kanya, because the problem was so complex. It's one of the reasons why Kanya never wants to go home.

"I can't give you any advice either, Put. I don't even know how to comment anymore."

Son smile. He punched slowly Arlan's shoulder while saying, "Lo already wants to be my listener tonight, I'm grateful."

Both smiles are getting wider. The son was truly grateful, at the end of his anxiety he found the antidote precisely at an unexpected moment before. Arlan had made some of the fatigue in his mind wane. Although he did not know and could not guess what would happen tomorrow when he met Kanya. At least at dawn, he wanted to feel a moment of deep sleep.