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We're Too Naive to Think of the Future in Hand

There is one word from South Korean that I like the most, which is ‘Sigan’. Means time. Time can be an opportunity and a limitation. You can have time and use it, but time has limits. Sometimes you can know the arrival of opportunities and the end of limitations. Sometimes not. Life will not be a mystery anymore if you know everything.

Many say time, like time is money or time is a sword. It is worth the time in this life. A lot of people say don't waste time. I agree with that. It would be better if the opportunity has long limitations. Spend it with loved and loved ones. But in life, the little time you have can be the time you will be most remembered and cherished forever.

Today is the second day I spend with my Son. I can't sleep well. Every time I wake up, I check my calendar. I'm afraid the times will change. However, I am very happy because I am still in the time when I can still be with him. Be honest. I still want to spend a little more time with him before I say goodbye. Forever.

I entered the school with a bright and enthusiastic face. I can't wait to see the Son again. I was like a teenager in love. Is this like being in love? I have never felt in love since the Son left us. It was so good to feel in love.

After arriving at the class, I saw that Son was already in his chair. He was chatting with Malik and Alif. She smiled at me, I also returned her smile. Classes are pretty crowded, but I haven't seen May. He must have come in, right? He avoided me from yesterday. He also did not explain the meaning of his words. I-i understand. As a teenager, emotions are still unstable. He must have been surprised to hear my confession. Moreover, I am his best friend. I-i understand. I did the same thing when I was a teenager. It's not easy for a 16-year-old to make a decision. I exhaled my small breath. Maybe I should ask him to talk first.

I'm putting my bag in the desk drawer. A box of milk and bread was suddenly on my desk. Then, the person sat in May's chair on my left.

“Good morning, chickpeas,”ucap Putra while showing off his smile.

I turned my body to face him.

“Good morning, Begu,”balasku with a jail smile.

“Aihh. No other nickname? That means devil. Am I like a demon?” his protest.

I laughed at her protest and the look on her face like a child. “Nmobile. Males instead,”balasku.

“Terusslah. Nih milk and favorite bread, Miss Queen.”

“There's the pellet, right?”I put on a suspicious face.

“Iya. Let's not get angry, ” he replied with a tired face to hear my question this one. He took the milk box and opened the protective layer of straws. Then, stab it into the milk packaging. He gave it to me.

“Thank youu,”ucapku while receiving it.

She smiled at me who was drinking milk. “Baby kayak,”ucapnya.

“Who?”my many.

“You haha,”he replied with a laugh. “In the future still love milk not?”tanyakanya.

“Still,”answere. Then I fell silent and looked at him. I narrowed my eyes.

“Why?”tanyakanya.

“Nothing,”my answer.

“I brought a laptop today. Let's watch,”hex.

“When? Watch what?”many enthusiast.

“Back school. You must have liked the movie, ” he replied.

“OK, OK,”balasku.

“Later to the canteen equally yes,”hereinafter.

“Iyaaaaa Putraa,”balasku.

She left May's chair and walked towards her desk. I turned my sitting position which was initially turned back to the door to face the front. Ahh, May was already at the classroom door from earlier. He may have stopped there because he saw the Son sitting in his chair. May said nothing and sat down in her chair. His face is also flat. I know he must be upset and disappointed. Might as well. But this time, I will not waste my time. In the future, no one will have it. Not me, May, and Anisa.

*****

As promised, my son and I went to the canteen today. I took May to the cafeteria together because I felt suddenly bad for her, but she refused. He brought the goods from home. I can't force him. The son went to the cafeteria first because I had to go to the toilet. While on the toilet, I heard some girls gossiping. At first I was not interested in listening to it, but I sharpened my hearing when my name was called.

“Si Aira dating ya sama si Putra?”ask the first girl.

“Ngaklah. They said so,”ansi the second girl.

“Friends but kayaks who are dating,”reply the first girl.

“Not the Son again PDKT your same, Nis?”ask the second girl.

Ah, it's Anisa and her gangmate.

“Ngak PDKT. Frequent sms-an-ja,”Anisa replied.

“Yah PDKT is the name,”balas the first girl.

“Udahlah. I also did not like it any time,”balas Anisa.

I heard the sound of my feet moving away from the toilet. I also came out of one of the toilet rooms. I know Putra did approach Anisa. And in the end they were dating. However, Ami told me that Putra likes another girl instead of Anisa. Ami even said it the day I found out Son and Anisa were dating first. But I was too stubborn at the time. I closed my eyes and closed my ears. Pretending not to care and wanting to know. In reality, I was also curious until I could not love anyone else anymore.

I also know Anisa does not love Putra too much because a week the Son left us, she has approached another man. Ami also once said that he felt sorry for the Son for having to date Anisa. Ami said it after we graduated High School, after Putra left us. I also touched my ears and hardened my heart. I didn't ask any further. I ignored him even though I had already realized that I loved the Son. I just thought that it was the past and need not be discussed again. In fact, I want to talk about it. I must ask this of the Son.

I walked around the canteen with my eyes. The son waved his hand at me. He sat in the corner of the canteen on the right. My favorite place every time I go to the cafeteria. I smiled and walked towards him.

“I've ordered soto and cold sweet tea,”tapnya with a smile.

“Tau I will mesan soto,”balasku.

“It. I know everything you like.”

“Oh yes? Sure?”my many.

“Try asking,”he replied while eating his soto. He also ordered soto and cold sweet tea.

“Ntar. Many people here,”balasku.

I ate the soto that Putra had ordered greedily. Finally, I can eat this soto again. I ate my first bite enthusiastically. “Ummm delicious,”ucapku.

My son laughed at my reaction. “Excessive,”ucapnya.

“Bodo highly,”balasku. He did not know that this soto will no longer exist in the future because bu canteen decided to return to Java.

The son did not reply again, but he laughed at me every time I put my soto in my mouth.

“Don't laugh at you,”lapku.

“Bodo highly,”return.

I narrowed my eyes and pretended not to like it. He knew I didn't mean it because I laughed afterwards. He likes to follow my words. Long time ago.

“Ra, you have the same problem with May, yes?”ask carefully. He fixed his seat and looked me in the eye. He's being serious.

I also fixed my seat and sipped the sweet iced tea she ordered. “Actually there is no. He suddenly became quiet as I took you by the road yesterday,” I replied. I lie. We did have a problem because I said I liked the Son and he already knew it. I just don't want to tell my son now. Shoot him in the cafeteria? It's not funny.

“He was angry because I also wanted to go the same way you did,”he was still staring me in the eye.

“Can be. Moreover, I know he likes you right.”

“You want me to move into May's chair? Let May sit with Malik,”tanyanya.

“Neventless. The problem is I'm with May, not you with May,”.

“Tumbens. Usually you always ask for a seat exchange with Malik.”

“That's because I want to mate you with May.”

“If you want a mate instead I have to sit with the May, not the same Queen Mother Aira,”returnya.

“Iya, yes? You should have been more like May, not me,”my reply.

I also just realized. Why didn't I think that way before? Gosh darn. I have been going to the Son for a long time. I betrothed May to him, but subconsciously I also made an approach with him. I'm seriously just realizing it now.

“You won't mate me with May again, right?”tanya was suspicious because I didn't say anything else after. The look on my face also showed that I had just realized that.

I put on a serious face and looked at him. I'm silent. He looked at me with a serious face. “Yes is not. You don't like it, when I do,” I replied with a big smile.

“Aihh. Nyebelin. Kirain will change her mind,”. He stroked my head, then he messed with my hair. I didn't shake my hair today. He laughed at my messy hair and my irritated face.

“It's a pleasure to mess with people's hair,”tapku while combing my hair with fingers.

“Iyaa. Glad kaliii,”balance.

He extended his hand to my head. I kept my body away. “You want to make sure again, right?”my many.

“Ngak. Here forward. Suudzon keep you,” he said. He pulled my head and helped me get my hair straight. It felt like I wanted to stay here longer with him, but I knew I shouldn't be greedy.

*****

The son pulled out his laptop and turned it on. He also took out a DVD of the movie we were going to watch. I saw the DVD cover. My eyes grew and my mouth opened. I'm appalled. He laughed at my expression.

“This is the drama I'm looking for, my”kataku. I checked the DVD cover to confirm it.

“Iya. Surprised right?”his reply.

“It. Where did the tape come from? It's hard to hear,”tanyaku.

“Search in kemaras market. It was difficult to find the cassette because it had been a long time ago the drama aired,” he replied. He put the DVD in his laptop's CD Room.

“It. I watched it on TV at the time. In 2007, that was. Waah. You're cool to have her. Thank you,”my reply is sincere with a moved face.

“So usually,”reply, then chuckle looking at my expression.

The drama we are going to see is a Taiwanese drama called Silence. I really like this drama. I still watch it often in the future. The drama aired in 2006 in Taiwan and aired in Indonesia in 2007. I was still Junior High. I never missed an episode. I was moved that Son knew I loved this drama. I used to search the DVD with my friend Fitri, but we didn't find it. This drama is not very popular and does not air on TV anymore, so it is difficult to find the DVD. The fact that she knew I liked her so much and was looking for this drama moved me. He's the best.

Silence tells the story of a mute girl named Zhao Shen Shen and a rich but cold man named Qi Wei Yi. They met at the Hospital when they were little and promised to meet again at Christmas in 2006. Before Christmas in 2006, they had met. But they don't know each other. Until finally, Qi Wei Yi realized that Zhao Shen Shen was her first love. But destiny says something else. He has cancer and will not be able to recover. Later on, Zhao Shen Shen also knew that Qi Wei Yi was his first love. Qi Wei Yi's time was only 3 months away and he spent it with Zhao Shen Shen. That's the short story of the drama.

“It's got 20 episodes? Wow!”men Exclamation.

“Not much of it. Still many episodes of soap opera Indonesia,”balasku.

“Want to watch from which episode?”tanyakanya.

“From episode one,”my answer.

My son and I started watching my favorite drama.We watched it in class, precisely on his desk. Not only we are in class, there are still other friends who take part in exculpatory activities. Classes are always crowded after school. We also often do PR together here first. So, we're not just the two of us.

“Udah done?”ask when the episode is over.

“Iya,”my answer ketus.

“Crazy. Watch it an hour an episode,”returnya.

“That's a drama like that. Sinetron is too,”balasku annoyed.

“Yes how do you know me. I never watch soap opera,”returnya again. “Keep finally how?”tanyanya further.

“Tonton yourself. No exclamation if I tell you,”I replied.

“Many episodes. Not to mention it must be paused if the translation is long,”protesnya.

“Seru loh is his drama. Watch ajalah,”balasku.

“Watch it a month if so. One episode one day.”

“Lateness. Tomorrow can also be finished.”

“And I want to watch the drama with you,”take it without taking his eyes off the laptop.

I'm silent. I'm not sure I'll be here for the next 20 days. Tomorrow I may not be here anymore. I don't know when I'll be back in the future, but I feel like I'll be back soon. I'm too happy now. Life will not allow people to be happy. Everything will come suddenly. Without excuse and excuse.

“Why? You don't want to?”tanyanya looks at me.

Like. I wanna. “You can watch it yourself. The sooner the better. Anyway, you must be embarrassed to cry in front of me,” I replied. I don't want to promise because I'm not sure I can keep it.

“Sad ending?”tanyakanya.

“Tonton yourself,”balasku.

“OK lah.”

“But yeah, I went to the cafeteria first,”lapku.

“You hungry? I'll go to the canteen,”returnya. He stood up from his chair.

“Neventless. I'm aja. You just sit down. OK?”my door.

I left him before he started arguing. We haven't had lunch. He must be hungry and I am too. I bought some fried food and biscuits. Not for 10 minutes, I'm back in class. My son is playing his cell phone.

“Please snacks brother,”kataku with a seller tone that is often heard in the market.

“Hahaha. Thanks, Queen Ma'am,”reply while taking the bakwan.

We ate fried food while chatting about futsal, scouts, and drama that we had just watched.

“Main games yuk,”myaj.

“What game?”tanyakanya.

“Select 1 of 2 things I said. For example, listening to music or watching. Which one do you like?”my clear.

“Listen to music but if no one I like how?”tanyakanya.

“Ya still have to choose one,”my answer. “Anybody?”my continue.

“OK, aiap”answans.

“Futsal or basketball?”

“Futsal”

“Futsal or Scout?”

“Pramuka”

“Udah ketebak. Umm architect or TNI?”ask again.

“Architect,”answort.

“Waah. Why?”

“And you're the one who turned it on. You said I fit in as an architect because my image is good,” he replied.

I just said it in passing and not serious about what I said at that time. In class X, I saw her drawing a sketch of the house for the first time. Then, I said he fits into being an architect because the picture is so good. I didn't think he was listening to me.

“Kan it's up to you. I'm not serious about you being an architect either. Because your drawing is good, I thought you had talent to be an architect,” explained me. He should have followed his dream, not my word.

“That was my dream. At first I didn't know what I wanted to be, but when you said I was an architect, I started thinking about it. I also like being an architect,”.

“Emang you fit to be an architect anyway. OK continue. Umm best friend or love?”

“Love,”answort.

“Waah. May or Anisa?”my many.

“Youuu. It's good to ask questions,” he replied. His face was caught red-handed.

“What? It's true the question,”balasku. “Come answer. May or Anisa?”ask again.

“Anisa,”his answer is doubtful and busy fiddling with her laptop.

I set my facial expression to as flat as possible, but my heart actually beats faster. “Next. Anisa or Aira?”I stared at him who was still busy with his laptop . What if the answer isn't what I thought it would be?

“Aira,”answort. He stopped his work and looked me in the eye. “Aira Princess,”more.

I'm speechless. My eyes are starting to water. No. gabe. Can't do. I can't cry now. If you ask me how I feel, I honestly don't know. There's an unfair feeling because I won't be able to stay with her any longer. There is a sense of blame, but I am also guilty. Everything will go better if everything is honest. I'm honest, May's honest, Ami's honest, and Son's honest. The love story that I often call the sad story of High School will be a happy story if everything is honest. Throw away all ego and prestige, but we were still too young back then. I don't understand time has limitations.

“Ayo, home. It's late afternoon, you'll get angry,”he said.

He tidied up his laptop and his bag. I also tidied up my bag. He asked me for permission to go to the parking lot first to pick up the bike. I waited at the school gate. Along the way to the school gate, I daydreamed. My eyes could not hold the water that was in my eyes. I was crying too. I've reached the front yard of the school. I stopped for a while in our class at X class. This class gives me a lot of memories. Memories that kept me alive all this time and made me strong, but actually, my heart is dead and fragile. I'm very good at covering it up. For 10 years I was pretending.

The sound of a motor horn woke me up from the daydream. He was already in front of the class with his bike. I took the helmet he gave me and put it on. I didn't say anything else. Him too. During the 5-minute journey, I decided I should talk to him. Anisa's problem should be solved today as well.

“Son, we go to the crossing bridge in front of your alley first yes,”kataku.

“You what?”tanyakanya.

“There's a tree,”my answer.

He didn't reply to me anymore and turned his bike towards the bridge in front of his alley. When I arrived, I climbed the stairs and opened my helmet. I looked at the street in front of me. It feels so calm. There are not many vehicles today either. Just an angkot and some motorbikes. This road is quite lonely because it is not the main road.

The blue sky is starting to fade. The sun also reduces its light. There's a little orange scratch in there. The evening sky is always calming. I won't miss it every time I'm at my office or at my rented house in Depok. Seeing the sun slowly start coming home makes me want to go home too. The sun knows how I feel. Pretend to shine during the day and wail at night because no one will see.

But this time it was different. I have come home and I am looking at the sun which is still shining golden with him. I knew the Son was standing next to me and was also looking at the road ahead. We were both bewitched by the serenity of the road and the beauty of the sky this afternoon.

“Beauty ye the sky,”mycap breaks this peace.

“Iya. I just found out,”return.

“I like to see the sky the most.”

“Then I know.”

“The sky always keeps me calm. It's like saying I'll listen to your story. You're not alone here. Wherever you go, I'll be with you,”my story.

“True. The sky can make us calm,”response.

I turned my body to face him. He also turned his body to face me.

“Actually, I have something to ask you. I won't calm down before this day,”kataku.

“What?”tanyakanya.

“You ... same Anisa... You..,”tanyaku stuttered.

“You heard from Ami, yes?”cut it.

“Ngak. I'm not serious about Anisa. That'll make you stop,”next.

“Hah? Meaning?”my many.

“You kept my match with May when I told you to stop. I'm looking for a way to make you stop. I actually know you mean well. Want to make your best friend happy. I also understand you are very loyal. You won't accept my feelings because you want to take care of your best friend's heart. If he can't have me, so can you. That's what you think, right?”tanyakanya.

“Iya, first,”my answer.

“You will not stop my soul mate even if you are angry with me. All I'm thinking is, one of the ways I got a girlfriend is for you to stop. But suddenly you change. You said you'd stop my match with May. Honestly, I was surprised. I'm not even sure yet. Long ago. Now, I'm sure. You're gonna quit. So, there will be no Anisa,”he explained as she looked me in the eye.

My guess is correct. I used to think that she was dating Anisa just to make me stop dating her with May. Succeeds. I stopped immediately. Ami told me Son and Anisa won't be dating for long. I once again caught my ear. I said May was heartbroken by the Son's decision to May. Actually, I was also hurt, but I said no when Ami asked if I was not jealous of Anisa.

“Only have Aira Putri,”tapnya, then stroked my head gently. He smiled and still stroked my head.

I'm staring. “I'm happy,”tapku with a vibrating voice. My tears are at the end of my eyes. “I'm happy,”tapku again. I was crying too. I'm not trying to hold him back anymore. I'm really happy.

“I'm also happy,”reply. Her eyes are red. He also seems to want to cry. I was too whiny. But you will understand. I can no longer see this man in the future.

I've been crying for 10 minutes and it's hard to stop. I'm one of those people who have a hard time crying, but every time I cry, it will last a long time. Therefore, I always refrain from crying.

“Neither cry,”he said as he patted my shoulder slowly. Instead of stopping, my tears flowed more. He took a tissue from my bag drawer and gave it to me.

“There's one thing I want to tell you. I know you often hold your problems, your anger, your sadness, your feelings. Not all problems can be told. I actually wanted to be the first to hear all your complaints and your stories. If you can't tell me, think of me as the sky. Tell me everything like you're telling the sky, his”.

“I've done it. Every time I talk to the sky, I always assume I'm talking to you. Both day and night. I've done it,”I'm in my heart. I've always considered it the sky since he left us.

“Iya,”my reply was clean but he could still hear it.

He didn't say anything else. He patted my shoulder. Ever since she left, I've always cried myself out. No one patted me on the shoulder, stroked my hair, and said everything would be fine. I'll go outside and look up at the sky. Surprisingly, I did feel that someone heard my story and patted me on the shoulder. As if I said I wasn't alone. Then, I'll feel calm. He didn't tell me that just yet because my relationship with him wasn't good when he left us. I spoke to the sky unintentionally because I didn't know who else to talk to. Talking to people is sometimes exhausting. Moreover, he no longer exists. The sky where I talk and discuss. And he's right there.

The orange color in the sky has appeared more and more real. The sun was also near his house. I still cry on this bridge with the man I love so much. One knows that time is finished, and the other does not know time has a limit. But they love each other. That's what matters.