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Covert Intentions

Finally came today. I can't not go to school anymore. I ate a lot last night too. I look healthy too. Ami's family will be suspicious if I don't go to school. They'd probably think Ami had a problem at school. Anyway, I can't avoid it anymore. I'll definitely meet him.

I set out early in the morning to get to school early. I want to avoid people as much as possible. Ami is also very popular. I'll probably answer a lot of questions today. A lot of people would surprise me and maybe I would surprise some people.

I arrived at the front of the school gate. I stopped there. Nothing has changed. The school gates are still blue, the school grounds are spacious, and the classrooms are painted white. To my right is a cooperative, a principal and administrative room, a teacher's room, and a language lab. Meanwhile, to my left is UKS, class X IPA 1, X IPA 2, X IPA 3, a hallway to the hall, class XII IPS, XI IPS, and XI IPA 1. The front page of the school is very large. We did a ceremony there. Meanwhile, at the back of the school there are classes, basketball and volleyball courts, long jump courts, mosques, canteens, cafes, futsal courts, and parking. I was not interested in all the facilities that the school provided at that time. I'd rather spend my time behind the classroom door writing. I love to write poetry and stories. Sometimes I go to the front of the school gate for snacks. There are a lot of school children snacks, such as rolled noodles, toast, juice, grilled meatballs, and bread. Roll noodles and toast are my favorite. I miss this school very much.

I walked with my head down towards my class which was not far from the school gate. Not 2 minutes have arrived. The classroom door is open. I also entered the class. I stopped my steps and looked at the 2 people who were already in the class this early. School came in at 7am and now it's actually 6:40. I saw a girl sitting in the front row of the left corner. He was reading a novel while chewing gum. He was so focused that he was not distracted by my presence and the man who was frowning at me because I never stepped towards Ami's desk. That girl is me. So innocent and loner, also mysterious.

I turned my eyes to the man in the back third row. There are 5 lines. He still frowned at me. He was probably confused as to why I kept standing in front of the class. I headed towards Ami's seat which was in front of the man's seat.

He is the man I miss. I never thought I could see his face again. I almost forgot her smile because I couldn't see her in real life. My eyes are already glazed. I lowered my head to wipe my tears at a glance and tried to hold her back. I don't know if it's a blessing to go back in time. But I want to thank God for giving me this opportunity. I really miss this guy.

“You yourself till when is there?”tanyakanya.

“Forgot sitting where?” continued.

That sound. I miss that voice too. I did not answer her question and stepped towards Ami's seat. I looked towards Aira and she was looking at me too. What is he thinking right now?

“Udah are you healthy? What pain?” ask again.

“Dizziness and fever,” I replied soberly.

I wanted to hide the vibration of my voice because I felt like crying right now.

“Udah healthy yet?” ask again.

“Udahlah. If you have not entered school,” snapped me.

“Galaka. Just answer it,” reply.

I was silent too. I dare not look at his face. I put my head on the table. I have to what now? Just looking at his face I can't. I'm definitely gonna cry.

Classes are starting to get crowded. My friends have arrived. They asked me if I was healthy and I answered short. It has been and yes. I don't want to be weird, but I seem to have done it. I just let it go, huh? Am I not going to be in this place forever? Being yourself might be better. The thought kept walking in my head. Suddenly a voice surprised me.

“Ami! Thank God you are healthy.” The voice belonged to Heri. The next-class narcissist who always felt all the girls liked him. Hearing her voice suddenly made me nauseous. I have to keep Ami away from this guy. Just cuek. Pretending not to listen.

“Kok not answered? I was worried, say,” he said and now walk towards Ami's chair.

“ You just me? Kirain is another. It's already. I am healthy,” I replied.

“This is milk for you to be healthier. Bye...,” he said and left the class.

I just want to reply with a curse. He's actually quite handsome. Brownish skin color with a height of 175 cm. Her hair was black and combed to the side. His eyes are round and his eyebrows thick. His nose was also sharp and there was a hemisphere on his chin. His body is also strong. If only his behavior was not like that, there would be many girls who like it. He looks better if he's not doing anything.

“Hahahaha”

I know who's laughing. It was so good to see me suffer. Ami. “Happy times it looks like you,” I said while looking at him cynically who kept laughing.

“Sweet times bah si Heri. Dikasih milk to be healthier,” reply with the remnants of his laugh.

“Drink milk,” I said as I put the milk on his desk.

“Ngak ah. Samamu aja.”

“Fear of the pellets.”

He laughed even harder. “Keep if there is, so I'm the one who likes his friend.”

“Biarina. Kan matching,” reply.

“Jijik.”

“Sama.”

“I still like girls, loh,” he said while drinking the milk that Heri loved.

“He was disgusted but still drunk,” I said with a mocking look.

“Mubazir. I read the prayer before drinking.”

I laughed when I heard the answer. I haven't had a fight like this with him in a long time.

“He also got that box milk,” he said.

I saw the direction of his view. Aira also gets box milk. He is still reading his novel.

“Yakin sahabatan? Every day given milk box,”hereinafter.

“Who loves you?” my many.

“Who else? Here is her best friend Aira who?”

“May”

“Besides?”

“Malik”

“Yap”

I fell silent and turned my memory back. Malik and I are friends. Malik always gave me box milk because his father worked in a dairy factory. At first she also gives it to May, but May does not like milk. Malik also does not like milk. I really like milk. Be, she always brings me milk because there's a lot of stock in her house. Not that Malik likes me. We pureed a friend even to the point of graduating school and even until he left. Ahh, I miss my best friend too.

“They are friends. Malik is also a friend of May,” I said.

“There is no name of a friend between a man and a woman,” he said as he looked into Ami's eyes. If it's like this. He must be serious.

“Why isn't there? You're in the same position as Ami,” reply me while looking into his eyes.

“You. You're Ami.”

Ah yeah. I am Ami now. “Iya. You're my equal authority. Don't tell me you like my name?”my many. Actually, I'm afraid of the answers I'm about to hear. How about he answer ‘iya’?

“Yes. You know who I like, ” he replied.

“Who?” my many.

“Should be repeated again? Time you forgot?”

“Iya. Forgetting. Who's it?”

“You're weird today.”

Pimply. “Any how? Ordinary time too.”

“Usually, you must be a fool I use the name of the girl I like. Almost every day. Not today. You don't usually look me in the eye when I'm talking seriously, but today you're looking me in the eye. You also usually can not be joked with, but today you reply my joke,” clearly long.

“That's because I'm comfortable with you,”return I tried as calmly as possible so that the suspicion did not increase. This child is always careful and sensitive.

“Alah. Not been this all this time? Don't-don't.”.

My face seems pale now. My heart beats faster too. My eyes dodge his. I must have caught this.

“What?” my snapping.

“Kan. You're yelling at me now, too. You took the wrong medicine?”

“Ngak.”

“You still hurt like.”

“I’m fine.”

“Ngak. You're not well. Since when do you speak English? You don't like English the most,”tanyanya. She shut her mouth in disbelief because I was speaking English.

Duh Raraaa's. If it's gini, he's gonna get suspicious. Ami doesn't like English at all.

“Neating doesn't mean you can't. If I can still base my times,”return me.

“No need to fold his face. Ntar the Heri does not like.”

“Good lah”

“But I'd rather you're the gini one anyway. Honest and not jaim.”

“I mean all this time I'm a hypocrite?”

“Iya.”

Fuck the Son. Smoothed it could be times.

“If you like to say like. If you don't say no. Don't pretend. All this time you did not like the attitude of Heri, but you pretended to be ordinary. But you want to avoid. The reason is fear for the sick. Though he looks like he will be ordinary too if you are indifferent,”hereinafter with an admonishing tone.

“Ntar if I turn out to be honest, do you like it again?” tanyaku nosy.

“Ngak will. You like me maybe. But don't. You will be hurt,” replied while taking the picture book.

“Ishh. Sure time you.”

“It. I just like the girl who again read the novel,”papnya while continuing the home sketch in the picture book.

I turned my gaze around the classroom to see who was reading the novel right now. May's? Or me? May is reading a novel now. Aira was also reading a novel, but I was staring at the sky from the window next to her right now. Who exactly is he talking about?

*****

Time for school break. My son and I went to the school cafe. Every Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, schools give juice, rice porridge, and green bean porridge to students. Today the menu is juice. Actually, I'm lazy to go to the cafe. I was afraid to meet Ami's fans, but Putra asked me to accompany her. I'm hungry too. If I continue to be detained, I may pass out at school. I go to the cafe with him. Let others be suspicious.

While waiting for the juice, many of our old friends and upperclassmen stared at him. There were also those who pretended to speak loudly and spoiled to distract him. He may be unconscious or too careless? He was popular in school. She has brownish skin and her hair is always neatly combed. His eyes were sharp and not too big making him look cold. Her smile was so beautiful that the cold impression was gone. I really like that smile. He is a friendly and sociable person. His nose was not very pointed, but matched his tapered facial features. The dense matany eyebrows like caterpillars made him look like someone wise and a leader. He can indeed lead. He was even used as a candidate for pradana at that time. It was still class X.

He loves scout activities, such as mountain climbing and camping. No wonder his skin became brown. It is about 175 cm tall. She's flawless. Only one shortcoming. He doesn't like to study science, but he can. He loves to draw, especially at home. He once gave me one of his home sketches.

“Long just keep going,”he said as he flicked his finger in front of my face.

“Sorry, sorry,”reply me while focusing my gaze on the juice being made. Long time.

“Nothing. I was just sleepy because I took medicine,”elakku while receiving juice given by the cafeteria.

“Where do you sit?” tanyakanya.

“There aja. Together with Aira and Malik,” I replied. I miss that friend of mine. I used to go to the cafe or the cafeteria with Malik. Sometimes we go to school together. The son did not refuse and walked towards Aira and Malik.

”Two aja? May where?” asked the Son while sitting in front of Aira.

“Fasting,” replied Aira while eating soto. I like Soto the most in this cafe. I also want to eat Soto.

The son did not reply to her again. He was instead busy with his juice while occasionally watching Aira eat soto voraciously. She... smiling? Or am I the one who saw it wrong?

“Slow-slow only. No one will eat either,”ucap Putra with a smile.

“Hehe. Nice thing,” reply Aira. He continued to sip his soup.

“Udah often eat that, but still delicious too?” asked Putra while giving a tissue to Aira.

“Umm,” muttered Aira assented Son's question.

The son tidied up Aira's hair bangs that were a little messy as if he was used to it. Aira also did not refuse and just let the Son tidy his hair. I who saw him was silent.

I looked at what used to happen to me from a third-person perspective. I used to wonder why my class mates thought we were lovers. I met one of his scout friends after graduating from High School. I was surprised that he knew so much about me, that even my favorite Korean actor in High School knew. He said, The son told him and asked why we could break up. I am not dating the Son. Now I get it. My son and I are too familiar to be friends. And I still think we weren't too familiar first?

“What did you hurt yesterday, Mi?” ask Malik.

I didn't answer. I'm still trying to draw conclusions about the pieces of memory that happened first.

“Long again to you,”said Putra.

“Eh, why?” my many.

“What pain do you have?” ask Malik.

“Dizziness and fever only,” I replied.

“Eh, you no longer have stomach pain, right?” I asked Malik.

“Ngak. Why?” askalanya.

“Burn hurts?” ask again.

“Ngak,” answered.

“Partime to the bathroom?”

“Iya. But no stomach pain.”

“What breakfast was that?”

“Nations and fish sauce.”

“Do not eat spicy often yes. Eating noodles also should not be often.”

“Loh, why?” ask Malik wonder.

“Just can't. If you feel stomach pain, quickly seek treatment. Must take medication anyway. Not arrested. That's not maag. OK?” I didn't realize I was talking too fast. My face is also very worried. I saw the three of them looking at me curious. I know they're gonna ask me a lot of things. Ami never worried about Malik before. Currently, Ami and Malik were not close either.

“You why, Mi? You're worried about kali loh,” asked Aira.

“That's because Malik likes to complain of stomach pain,” I replied trying to be as normal as possible.

“I never complained of stomach pain,” elak Malik.

“Oh yes? I dream yes or hallucinations like that,”ucapku. I can't think of a more logical reason.

“Biarin. Today was a strange Ami. Bengong continued and chatty. I'm the same as Aira nagging,”ucap Putra.

“When am I chatty?”elak Aira does not accept the accusation of Son.

“You're chatty. Every day ngomel.”

“Ngak yes. You're the one who's chatty.”

“You,” said Putra did not want to lose.

“You,” reply Aira.

“Kau”

“Kau”

“Udahlah. You two are chatty. There will be no end to this later,” Lerai Malik.

Aira and Putra stopped their quarrel, but still charged each other without a voice. They argue, but there is no hate there. All I see is comfort in each other. I returned to see their closeness. Was I this close to him before? I always thought that me and the Son were not close. He's closer to Ami and May than I am. I see it that way. But now, I realized I was close to him, too. Too close.

“You have more juice, Ra?” ask Putra.

“Nggak” answered me and Aira simultaneously.

“Kirain will nanya me too,”elakku fast. I'm fixing my weirdness that's getting more and more apparent right now. Why should I answer that too? I'm not Ami now Aira.

“You gave me toast last night to May?”ask Aira to the Son.

“Iya. You know where?” askalanya. The Son's face was a little uncomfortable with this talk.

“Tau from him,”Aira replied. There was no jealousy on his face. But I know, Aira is very good at hiding her pain, jealousy, and happiness.

“Curhat?”

“Iya.”

“He texted her last night and said he was not feeling well and wanted to eat toast. I also did not feel good let alone my home is also not too far from the index. Hence, I bought it,”he explained. He was trying to make it as clear as possible. So that Aira doesn't misunderstand?

“Ne is also huu. Until when PDKT continues. If you like to say like to keep shooting,”saran Aira.

“Kirain will be jealous. Hard yes it turns out,”ucap Putra lirih. He seemed to want to avoid this topic and did not want to reply to the advice given by Aira.

“Hah? Jealousy why?” ask Aira.

“

Be stuck. Peanuts will not understand,”ucap Putra gives up.

“Udah how many times I told you not to call me chickpeas,”ucap Aira upset. I recall. My son always called me an Arab pea and I had no idea why until now.

“Funny. It sounds unique. No nicknames of arab nuts.”

“Any tau.”

“You also call me ‘begu’ (demon).”

“That's because you started. Anyway replace.”

“Ya. ‘Sayang’ how?”

I who was drinking juice coughed at the Son's words. My son is stressed. The jokes aren't funny at all. Did he ever joke like this? How can I not remember at all? For a long time the Son was the same Heri.

“Continue, continue fighting,”ucapku. I heard the rarity of Malik. He seemed to have used to see them fighting arguments like this. He remained relaxed while eating his fry.

“Ke May but yes?” said Aira.

“You should be the matchmaker teruuuss?” It was not a question, but like a statement to express annoyance because Aira always betrothed Son and May. Yeah anyway. I often betrothed Son and May. I just want to help May because she really likes Son.

“Until shot,”balas Aira without feeling burdened at all. His face was smiling. Not realizing that he can also fall in love with the Son later if he continues to match them.

Son silent. I saw his face. He seemed to want to reveal something, but he also hesitated. What made him doubt. He clenched his left hand which was on his thigh. It was like he was holding himself back from saying anything.

“If I say I don't like it, how about?” asked the Son while looking into Aira's eyes. I know he's serious right now.

Aira looked back at her eyes. “Nevent like what?”

The son still looked into Aira's eyes for a while, then lowered his head.

“Udahlah. Let's go to class. Back in.”

The son got up from his chair and left first. He's holding something back. I know it. He wanted to reveal something, but he was afraid. And it has to do with me or May. I felt guilty for not being able to understand her feelings at that moment. I should have been more understanding and stopped matching her to May. I should not have interfered. I cannot change my destiny back. I don't know why I went back in time. However, I know, I won't change anything. The son will leave us.

“Always like that. It's never clear by the way,” complained Aira.

“Come to class,” invite Malik.

Me, Aira, and Malik left the cafe. Malik and Aira walked in front of me. Malik and I are close. Why doesn't anyone think we were lovers first? Malik also did not have a girlfriend even until graduating high school. Though I feel I am closer to Malik than the Son. They are both my best friends. It's still my first day at school and it's enough to give me a headache. Trying to draw a conclusion, but the result became my guess. What is really going on between us?

Me, Aira, and Malik entered the classroom. Son and May were chatting. May visited the Son's desk and chatted. Aira saw them. I saw the eyes of the Son following Aira until he sat in his chair. He sighed.

That's what made me sure Putra liked May first, and vice versa. Because I show up when I see them together and talk. Their chatter looks exciting and they look happy and comfortable. That's what makes me draw the conclusion I have to put them together. But now, after I see it from someone else's point of view, the Son is actually worried. He feels comfortable, but looks different. He didn't show himself.

May stopped chatting when she saw me (Ami) walking towards my desk. He also returned to his desk. I picked up my English book and blank textbook. I want to write down what I'm going through today. I'm afraid I'll forget if I go back to the future.

Son kicked my chair from behind. I put on an angry and upset face. “Why??”

“He won't be jealous, will he? He seems never to be jealous,”ucap Putra with a sad face.

“Who the hell?” just pissed. Why don't kids call them who they are? So more confused.

Son's answer was delayed because Bu Nita had entered the class. Ahh Bu Nita's. He was my favorite teacher at school. She is beautiful, kind, and smart. I was also close to him. Besides, I also really like English lessons. Wh why? Because I aspire to have an outsider husband. I also aspire to study abroad. Honey, both have not been achieved.

“English, English. His favorite is Aira,” said Putra lirih but I can hear it.

I was silent and processed what I heard. He knows. He knows I like English lessons. I guess he never knew what I liked because he never said it first. He apparently knows. And why just shut up? I feel like I don't actually know him. Why does he have so many secrets?