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Is He the World in Your Head?

Renzana Alcatraz

It's almost 11 p.m., but Kanya hasn't returned from the Almira High School reunion. His friend had arrived home three hours ago crying. I heard faintly from the living room, Almira and Damar mentioning the name of the person Kanya met at the reunion. Son.

Ah somehow hearing her name made my chest feel pained. It was like being stuck by something invisible. Even twice as much pain when the heart is often troubled first.

Outside the rain is getting heavier. Time seems to be spinning slowly. Again I glanced at the clock that was coiled around my wrist. Kanya is not yet seen.

"Mas, maybe he's raining again. Could you please give me this towel if he comes home?"

Damar came up to me in the living room and handed me a dry towel. The man's face was unpredictable. Though usually the face of Damar always decorated with a smile. He is usually friendly even to the newly known.

"Oh, okay. Sori, if I may know, where is she now? Or do I need to pick it up?" askaku offers help. Damar patted me on the shoulder as if asking to calm down and not have to think too much about the woman. "So soon she'll be home, Mom."

"Okay, how's Almira doing?"

"They've been victorious from small, I'm sure will not fight for long. Well, I'm afraid it's me who can't forgive him anyway," said Damar while softening his stiff face.

"Eh, how can you?"

"I don't know why, when I first met Mas Aldo there was something I wanted to do with old friends. There's the same feeling when I deket same lo. I feel like I have known him for a long time. Honey I don't know where he is now. I've never been in contact with him for a long time." Damar's face turned soft as he told me about his experience. "Gue will support you as much as I can, Mas."

Damar smiled, though not as smooth as usual. He chose to dodge when he saw a new black Honda Civic enter the yard and Kanya went down in drenched conditions. Unknowingly I ran to greet Kanya and draped a dry towel on her shoulder. His face was mixed with rain. I'm sure that woman must have cried. A part of his soul was wounded. He didn't even refuse when I guided him into the house.

At first glance I had a glance towards the man who drove Kanya home. The pain came back to my heart and heart. The sharp gaze of the man who was probably seven years younger than me made me even more uncomfortable. It was like a cat that lost its prey when I took Kanya in without saying a word.

"Almira was coming from the reunion crying. I don't know what the problem is. I sat in the living room as soon as Almira came. Trus Damar told me to wait for you while preparing a towel. If you look at your situation like this, you're gonna have to fight, right?" I was curious not to ask. However Kanya only smiled weakly without any intention of answering. I just patted him on the shoulder and said, "It's okay if you don't want a story. We still have plenty of time to share."

"Thank you, Mom."

In my heart, I want to know more about Kanya. About what had happened, who the man was, where he went to be separated from Almira, is he a world that was built all this time in his head and many more questions are held at the tip of my tongue.

I actually held back the question until Kanya decided to go into the guest room. Dispel expectations that are too dull spirit to forget that Kanya is not easy to grasp.

***

"His, you inget no, you never stopped me when I could not move on from Farah?"

My move towards the kitchen to fetch drinking water came to a halt at the door connecting the living room with the side terrace when I heard the sound of Damar talking to someone.

"Why do you suddenly want to talk about it?"

This time Kanya's voice really made me stop. Encouraged by curiosity I hid behind the door and listened to their chatter. I know it's wrong, but I wonder what happened. Especially on the figure of the man who drove Kanya home earlier.

Ah shit, my heart hurts again when I remember the figure of the man. Son or whatever his name is.

"Lo inget no?" ask Damar again.

"I wanted to go to Elo if there were more girls better than Farah."

"That's also what I want to do when I first see Almira coming home in a state of crying and you become the main cause. Not because I want to interfere in your affairs, but I just want you to realize that men are not just sons."

"Gue's that stupid, Dam, can't move on from Son?"

Silent. Quite a long pause between them to not talk to each other. If this were the case, I wouldn't know what Kanya was thinking.

"Gue asked, what less is the man who snedeketin lo all this time? Roland, Yuda, Rendi, Terry, Atlas, they are all equally handsome. They are also established people. Aldo what else. Just two days ago, I'm sure he was holding feelings for you."

"How can you be sure?"

"We're both guys, Anya. And that's what I did when PDKT was with Almira. Plis, you're an adult. I know what's the difference between people who have a crush on you or just want an acquaintance."

My body is tight behind the door. Why did Damar know I liked that girl? Is it that as long as I'm here my movements look so real when approaching Kanya?

"Him, if you do not want to make peace with the pain, how can good luck approach? Enough to escape all these problems. You have to brave that pain if you want it to end."

"by way? I can't accept him as a brother, Dam. Because from the beginning my feelings for the Son were not just brothers."

The reason Kanya had just delivered to Damar again made my body stiff. What kind of facts this time? I never knew from the beginning that Kanya had a sister and they didn't. I don't want to make any conclusions. Later if I have a chance, I will definitely ask Kanya directly.

"Oath, Yes. Can I not just nonjok you? You have said the same Son to not be able to escape him?" asked Damar could not contain the anger. He pushed Kanya's body and looked her in the eyes with a sharp look. "Don't tell me you're the same, Son!"

Kanya's mouth was tight. My heart rate is getting worse.

Kanya remained silent, but again I saw those blank eyes. Signs that Kanya is thinking about something. Or when he dissolves in the world that is in his head as well as his heart. And to be honest, I'd hate it if Kanya was like that. For it is not I who become the world of Kanya in the head of the woman.

What a good thing he is until you build a world with him in your head, his. Though there I am ready to be a home where you anchor all fret.

"Huufftt, it was difficult to win your heart, Nya," I muttered after feeling enough to listen to their conversation.

"Seriously you're the same as him? That's why you used to ask how not to get pregnant after having sex? Her?"

I almost walked away as Damar's voice rose. Not wanting anything bad to happen, I stopped leaving the hiding place.

"What the hell was it up to admitting things that far?" Damar's question sounded full of emotion. "The son of a bitch also dares to admit it the same lo."

"Gue wants to."

"But, right, it's..."

"That's an old story, Dam."

"And that's the reason why you can't move on from, Son. You're still a little depraved of the Son."

"Dam, please!"

"Trus if you want to how? You realize you can't get married unless..."

"Gue just needs time to love myself."

"But there you are precisely torturing yourself because you can not move on from the Son. If you are intent on hitting the track do not do half-way. Nanggung knows not," Damar said angrily before leaving Kanya alone.

Actually I want to sit next to Kanya. Gives strength and warmth so that the wounded heart can heal soon, but I am able. Because my heart was hurt to see tears fall and dry on her cheeks.

If only you'd let me treat your sick feelings, yes.