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Goodbye, Dude

Renjana Kanya's

"Arez had an accident before going to college. As a result of the severe impact, there were several injuries in his brain that were quite fatal. Although not necessarily felt, but the effect can occur long-term. The therapy that he had been undergoing all this time only prevents complications from occurring that make his condition worse."

Araz's voice broke the silence that had paused the distance between us. While my gaze is still not diverted from the tombstone that says his name. Could that be why sometimes he used to feel dizzy and suddenly fainted? If it is, it would be foolish of me to believe when he said it because he had not eaten. In fact, he also often disappeared at certain hours, with the reason of doing campus assignments. Whereas Damar and Almira are one campus with him - although different faculties - look more relaxed and a lot of free time. Could he be in therapy as Araz says?

Damar, could it be that he knew something about Arez? About the fact that Arez had an accident that made his condition unhealthy. They are indeed college friends who met accidentally and became familiar. Initially, Arez had a one-faculty chick with Almira. It's just that they're different majors. They were both waiting in the faculty garden and engaged in chatter. Until it ended with a call to stay together, because Damar felt bad because he lived with two women in one house. Sometimes they also walk together when Arez's condition is not good. Could it be that Arez asked Damar to drive him to the hospital?

Heh, why did all the new events I understood after Arez returned to earth?

"Until the end he kept fighting to get well. He wants to climb more mountains and not just to Gede alone. Sometimes he is embarrassed, often hang out with friends Mapala on the campus, but it is the least often up the mountain if not to Gede with you. It must have made her body weak again due to excessive physical activity, but she always told me proudly after you spent some time together."

"So as long as he went up the mountain, he endured the pain, but forced himself? If that's the truth why don't you tell me the same thing, Rez? Why can you be so like me? So what does all our closeness mean? Are we not close friends? You can hide everything from me. Heh, no. Maybe I was stupid because I never gave you a chance. It's my fault that..."

Araz's soft hands squeezed my shoulders. He whispered in a hoarse voice. Withstanding crying.

"You're not wrong, Kanya. He never mistakes you. Arez chose to keep it a secret, Kanya. Not because he does not believe in you, but he who does not want to be seen as pitying others. Even if you insist, he will not say. He doesn't want it to end up worrying you."

"It actually hurts, Mom."

Araz held me in his arms. Letting me cry and wet the sleeves of the shirt he was wearing. Without speaking, Araz patted my back gently. Sharing strength in silence.

"Because he wants to carve out happy memories with you, his. Arez knows better about his body. As long as he is able to survive, he will continue to advance until the peak of his physical fatigue. The proof, during the climb he never felt any pain at all, right? Because the most important thing was his happy heart, as well as his strong willpower."

"But what kind of friend can only trouble, Mas. Even when he was in pain. What friend can only avoid when he talks about death and wants to be heard. I told him to be quiet. I asked him not to dream about death. Though he felt how death was so close to him."

"Who said you helped him survive, Kanya. You who love him passion to undergo tiring therapy. Until death really gave him a chance to stop breathing. You helped him in his own way. You want, your last trip to Gede, Mandalawangi Valley?"

"There are people who spend their time on pilgrimages to Mecca.

There are people who spend their time gambling in Miraza.

But I want to spend my time by your side, my dear.

Talk about our dogs being naughty and funny.

Or about the flowers in the mendala scented valley.

There are American soldiers who died by bombs in Danang.

There were babies who died hungry in Biafra.

But I want to die by your side, my sweet.

Once we get tired of living and keep wondering.

About the purpose of life that no demon knows..." *

That ancient voice suddenly sounded in my head. On the umpteenth time we climbed Gede-Pangrango (also the last trip of our adventure), we settled in the dense Mandalawangi valley overgrown with edelweiss flowers. At that time we joined the Mapala Arnyacala activities that were considering new members. While we infiltrated as a member of the dark on the approval of the chairman who is also a friend of Arez majors.

The man needed enough time to rest. After pretending everything's fine. If not the Great - the chief Arnyacala - who asked him to stop accompanied by another member, Arez still forced to continue the journey. His body was sweating coldly.

"Him, you never imagined, will die before useful?"

"Why are we talking about dying again?"

"Hahaha, sometimes we need to discuss death so as not to be surprised if suddenly lost."

"Gue doesn't like ah, you discuss that. We're here to refresh, Rez. Do not add the same burden to the weight of the discussion dong."

Arez just laughed at that time. I never realized if he tried to say goodbye the right way. But is that really so? In fact he never shared any complaints about his pain with me? Or are we really not that close? But why now is Araz asking me to remember the events that happened more than four years ago.

"Why did Mas Araz ask me to take that incident?"

"She wants to share anything with you Kanya, but she is always overshadowed by fear, "what if I die?", "what if my departure leaves a deep sorrow for, Kanya?", and there are still so many other haunting questions. But one thing is certain, at that time Arez almost gave up on his condition. That was why he was exhausted, but as soon as he returned, he found his spirit almost extinguished. You know what the cause is? Because until the end of Kanya, she wants to always be close to you. Whatever it is, as long as it stays by your side."

"I considered him a special friend and never agreed to date him."

"That's why he wants to be anything, as long as it stays close to you. I think you've heard the reason he donated his internal organs, right?"

"He wants to die to be useful, because he has not given any benefit to life," I said hesitantly. Because at that time, I just thought of it as a joke.

"Yes, maybe that's a cliche-sounding excuse, but actually Kanya, she just wants to always be close to you. The part of his body that is in the body of another person. With or without you knowing if there is a part of Arez attached to that person. Didn't he also give me the life that finally brought us together?"

Araz let go of his embrace and looked at my face gently. The tears that washed my cheeks. The curved line that made the tip of his eyes wrinkle, imprinted on the man's face.

"You have a wonderful love from Arez, which I now feel, too, Kanya. Everything that happened to Arez wasn't your fault. Let him go by being useful. Don't cry, you're beautiful when you smile."

"But..."

My mouth was locked by Araz's lips. The man gently kissed my lips, before taking me in his arms.

"Come, Mother and Father have been waiting for a long time. We can come here again whenever you want. Yea?"

I nodded in acceptance of Araz's invitation. The man smiled before inviting me back to where my father and mother were waiting.

I stared once again at the gravestone engraved by the name of Arez. Although the tightness is still squeezing, at least I can breathe a sigh of relief. Remove any tears on your cheeks before you leave. Can I pretend to smile a little? Because Arez says I look beautiful when I'm smiling. So when he saw me from up there, the man smiled happily.

"Good way, man. Thanks again for the time we've been through. Thank you also because you have already given your replacement, even though I still owe you the same apology. We met in Mandalawangi Valley, right? At a time we agreed."

"...I will continue to carry memories

and the hopes of living together are so blue." **

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* Soe Hok Gie's rhyme fragment in Demonstrator's Notebook page 341

** Soe Hok Gie's poem "A Question" in Demonstrator's Notebook page 214