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Thank You for All Memories

Renjana Kanya's

I was still resting on the ground with tears streaming down my cheeks. My chest feels tight. Piling regrets. There is also a burden that I cannot bear except by crying.

Araz is still beside me. Embracing my shoulder which somehow makes my chest more painful. Realizing the fact that the heart of the man in front of me - the friend who once gave me color around the corner - was now beating behind the ribs of the man sitting beside me. While mom and dad gave us both time to say hello to Arez. They've been waiting in the car for half an hour. I cried for half an hour and couldn't share anything with Arez.

The man, who brags of wanting to live another thousand years like "the Beast*****", actually returns to earth first. Cutting such a close distance to death. Heh, didn't Chairil Anwar finally die when he was just 26 years old? Arez died younger than his role model. It's ironic, isn't it?

I looked at the gravestone carved by the name of Arez. In my mind is clearly drawn the figure of a man who has a face line as soft as mother and look as sharp as father. His nose is inherited from his father. While the eyes are narrow - although not the Araz cockpit - is a gene that is passed down by the mother. The color of the skin that tends to be yellow is also inherited from the mother.

But the curved line on Arez's face was so soothing, exactly the same as the father when he smiled. Now I just realized it was the smile that kept me amazed at Arez. He was like a rising sun that provided warmth through his smile.

"You are beautiful when you smile."

Heh, even I can hear her raucous voice but it just sounds sexy. So said the ladies of the Garage Theater when Arez often invited me after rehearsal night. A few years ago. Not only her voice, the whole attached to Arez had a charm that every child of Eve could not afford. While he was a beetle, who unfortunately realized that he was handsome and often perched to seduce the flowers.

"Lo know, your beauty is doubled, eh no, no, ten times more if you smile again."

Even he always teases me with the same sentence whenever I look moody.

"Smile, smile. It's hard to be told to smile. I said, right, I've been queuing up to be your girlfriend if Putra mutusin lo. Well, even though I'm not sure he's gonna killusin lo anyway. He's the same bucin. But dong's smile. My eyes look glum all day."

Once, Arez made me smile when he knew I had a fight with my Son. The internship thing that took a lot of my time to make the Son think if I forget it. How can I forget that the name of the man has been attached to my heart and brain?

Arez was mistaken when he said that Bucin's son was like me. In reality I was the slave of the Son's love at that time.

"Why again, already moody early in the morning gini. Just yesterday I was laughing on the phone. You guys fighting again? Anything else? Let me guess, you made a fuss about the photo Cindy posted, right? That is to say, trust capital. Jealousy is also the end."

"It is very noisy. Go to college there!"

"Stupid yuk! We're going somewhere!"

"Where?"

"Dufan."

"Well?"

"Elah Him, do not bosen what you, every day moody. Still mending also statue there are smiles. To Dufan why, yeah play."

"Males. I'm bosen. No other place what?"

"How's sukabumi?"

"Well?"

"Just ask me what was mute from earlier. Okay, you want to?"

"Okay, you got a motorbike?"

"Can."

"Yes, we are leaving!"

It was the first time Arez and I had ever driven a long distance on a motorcycle for the first time. Sukabuki. The next place to be our escape if you feel overwhelmed with the hustle and bustle of Jakarta. For the sake of spending time looking at Mount Gede towering in the distance. Until one day we were at the highest peak with the help of friends Mapala UI that is quite close to me.

"Him, you know, Soe Hok Gie used to come here very often if it was for."

"Trus you said it was the same as the alma mater what would it be? Want to impress me because you're also studying History?"

"Cynic. Yes I'm just, every time you talk about the Son who is sometimes un-favourable, but I have to be horrified because you need an ear."

"Ish, that's also because you're hooked."

"Hahaha.but seriously, I've been reading about Gie lately. Not only Chairil Anwar who died young. Gie is the same. What would it feel like, if we died without knowing that we were going back to earth?"

"Yes but there will be a verdict of doctors who say our age will not be long if you have a certain disease."

"Lo sick, Rez? Want to take a break?"

"I don't mean it."

"Yes, why are we suddenly talking about death? 'And then we talked about Gie?"

"I was amazed, he died young, but his name was remembered decades later. Chairil too. Kartini is the same. They are the pioneers of this country. Emancipation, Force '45 in Indonesian literature, and the protestor who upholds the justice of the oppressed. Then what am I?"

"Don't Rez really, you sick?"

"Jeez, I'm fine. I swear."

"Yes, why discuss death mulu anyway? That said, we can't talk about death if we go up the mountain."

"Oh yeah? Why?"

"Because death can incarnate anything in the wild. You can't guess where he came from. You don't want to live another thousand years, do you?"

"Gue is now Gie's talk. The best fate is not to be born, second to be born but to die young and the most important is old age. It feels like it is. Happy are those who die young. Would we be so lucky if we died young?"

"It depends on what you've been doing all this time."

"Well, I'll donate all my organs that still work if they die. At least if I'm not useful, there's a part of me that's useful to others."

At that time I thought it was all just a joke on Arez. That guy really likes to tick things off. Including if he is an alien from the planet Zenit which is located millions of light years from earth.

Memory after memory is now scrambling for a place in my mind. Stuffy. The tears do not subside as well. Even his invitation to go back to Bandung to get to know my father and mother is still imprinted in my memory.

"His, vacation comes with me yuk. Go home. I know you and Dad."

"Well, would you like to apply I know everything?"

"Oh, do you want me to apply? Yes, I am ready."

"Arez, don't start nosy."

"Well, you said it yourself. I want to marry you. How, you want to?"

"You what?"

"To my house Kanya. Forgive me. Or do you really want to marry me?"

"Damn, ogah. I want to marry another thousand years. Let her want you to live another thousand years."

"Trus we can marry."

"Dreams."

"But what if you marry someone who has a part of me?"

"It's not clear what he's saying. I'm males nanggepin lo talk."

But before I agreed, Arez left the contract without ever returning.

"I'm afraid I can't tell you the right way if I'm really going."

My breath gasped as I suddenly recalled our conversation before he left. Does this mean that he is afraid that he will not be able to say goodbye in the right way if he leaves? My crying is breaking. There was a growing sense of regret facing a reality I never thought of.

"Thank you for the memories that you lived in Rez, even though it was very painful because I realized how selfish I had been. Excuse me. Sorry me..."