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Aldo's Plans

Life is full of meetings and partings. You met your parents, then split up. Meet new people, make friends, then part ways. Meet a new place, and leave it. There is no sad farewell. Everything makes your heart empty. Sometimes you will cry. The type of crying is different too. Depends on who you split up with. Your heart will feel empty for a moment. Then homesick. Arrested by busying yourself. Something worked. There are those who don't. Because basically everyone's heart is different. Everyone has experienced separation, strangely most can not handle it well. In the end, time made him ordinary. It's time to handle it.

Sometimes I ask, what parting hurts more? Split up with someone you love, but can you see his face? Even if it's not yours. Or part with someone you love, but you can't see his face anymore? I know it now. Both remain sad. Nothing hurts more. Parting with someone you love will be painful. No matter what the farewell was like.

Today my time is going on as usual. Going to school, chatting with my friends and my son, and learning although it cannot be interpreted as learning in the real sense to me. I woke up with a terrible headache. The pain was the same as the pain I felt when I first came to this past world. Will my time be over soon? Because when I woke up, I was at a different time. If I sleep, I won't be here anymore? Everything rages in my head. I tried to react to it casually, but this was not something that should be casually addressed. It has to do with my heart.

I've taken the headache medicine my mother prescribed and the pain has subsided. I don't even feel pain anymore. However, my feelings said I had reached the end of time. Now, I'm sitting in the stands of the basketball court. My friends and my son are playing basketball. I watched them with longing eyes, especially the Son. He seemed to enjoy his time with friends. I will also miss times like this because after we graduated High School, everyone was busy with their activities and we rarely met. It has also spread throughout the country. High School is the happiest time.

I turned my gaze across the stands. May was sitting there alone. I immediately stood up and walked towards his place. I have to finish it now.

“Hai, May,”sapaku while sitting next to him.

The look on his face looked surprised to see me, but it immediately covered him up. “Hai,”balance.

Silent for a while. No one opens their voice anymore.

“I'm sorry.” I still focus my eyes on the Son.

May didn't return my apology. I looked at him. He is also focusing his eyes on the field. We may see the same people.

I took my breath and said what I wanted to say. “Sorry for approaching Son when I know you like him. Time will not tell when likes will appear and how. I hope you understand.”

He straightened his back and raised his legs cross-legged. He squeezed his hand. “At first I didn't understand,”he said it still didn't look at me. “The friend who supported me to continue to like the Son, apparently also liked him. I also know you didn't realize you liked it.”

I don't deny it because I didn't know I liked the Son. I realized it after he left us. Pathetic, right?

“Initially, I did intend to make Putra like me even though I had known for a long time that Putra liked you. In my opinion, the heart can easily change if I continue to be with him. It wasn't as easy as I imagined. He still likes you. Secretly smiling at you, listening to all your words despite not talking to her, worried about seeing you continue behind the classroom door, being next to you when you are sad and angry, she said, and laugh at the ridiculous thing you did. All my friends can see that. Only you don't. That makes him sad. Not to mention you keep setting me up with her.” May told me everything. His eyes look sad, but stay focused with someone on the pitch.

I didn't reply because he still seemed to want to continue his story.

“Tau you? He looked here all the time. His face looked worried and curious. But I know he's worried about you. Maybe I'm worried I'm gonna make you change your mind. Seeing her so happy lately made me think I should have let her go a long time ago and told you that she likes you so much. At first, I was mad at you for losing someone who supported me. But I realize you should be happy too. He should be happy too. I lie if I don't feel hurt. I also want to be angry, but I know I have no right to be angry either. I was calming myself down and digesting it well so I wouldn't hurt you guys.”

My tears are flowing. May will still be my best friend. Until anytime. I knew she couldn't hate me just because I liked the man she liked. I knew I was wrong to like my son when I knew he liked him too. But I sacrificed the time I should have spent with my son. I don't want to sacrifice him again this time.

“You know, Ra. I won't leave you just because of men. Our journey is still long. We are only 16 years old, will definitely meet many men in the future, which is cooler than Putra. Don't sacrifice your happiness for me. Choose love from friends. Because friends are like chains. Will remain tightly wrapped even though love tries to let go. Friends are not as weak and as fragile as crackers. The water that was watered alone had shrunk and was exposed to the wind alone to be a sluggish. I will support your relationship. After all, the Son likes you. She must be happier with you than I am.”

May ended it by stroking my shoulder. I wipe my tears with my hands. Regretting my attitude first. I shouldn't have followed the conclusions I made. I should have been honest, then everything became clear. Act instead of sacrificing their own happiness for the sake of friends, while the friend does not mind what happens. Heartache is natural when it comes to loving someone. Since his name fell, it must have felt pain. But there are some light and heavy. And again it depends on the person. In the end, the two of us together felt the same heartache as the same person.

I reached for both hands. “Sorry, May. I'm sorry,”kataku. I keep repeating it.

“Nothing. Why apologize to you,”he reply was accompanied by a little laughter because I saw me sobbing. He patted my shoulder to calm me down. I know she was also crying because occasionally she also put her hands to her face, wiping away her tears. I will apologize to May directly after I return to the future.

I no longer cry and feel calm. I enjoyed the wind that passed in front of my face. I saw May enjoying it too. I smiled because everything was clear. There was no resentment or hatred between us.

I glanced at May, then said what I wanted to say.

“It turns out everything would be beautiful if everything was honest first. Although in the end we will cry,”

“Crying for what?”tanyakanya.

“Because of time. Everyone has a different time in this world. We hope we will have the same time as loved ones. It is not wrong to hope because life is a place of hope. The thing is, life likes surprises. Time is good friends with life. They're always together. If time goes away, then life goes away. As long as they are walking together, I also want to walk with them.”

May looked at me with puzzled eyes and a face that did not understand. I laughed at his expression. “Not to think about. You will also know yourself.”

“Mean, don't be such a poetic ass you,”reply.

I pinched her chubby cheek. He took my hand to get it off his face. His eyes made a look of hatred, but I knew it wasn't serious. Instead of being afraid, I laughed at him.

“You know May, you will always be my best friend.”

“Tau. Your friend just me with Malik aja,”balasnya. He stood up and stretched his legs cross-legged from earlier.

“Come to class, just a new lesson,”he said.

“Ayooooo,”balasku while embracing his arm. “You haven't changed, May. Keep short,”follow me. May replied by tickling my waist. I immediately moved away from her because I couldn't stand the ticklish taste. I'm glad I ended happily. There is no hate and resentment, although jealousy is certain. No one can heal a broken heart without jealousy. Seeing unknown people making out also sometimes makes you jealous. Just believe in time because to heal also requires a process.

*****

I am currently in the cafeteria with my son. He immediately invited and pulled my hand as the break bell rang. I know she must be wondering what I was talking about with May earlier. He also saw me cry. I knew he wanted to get close, but I already told him that I wanted to solve it myself.

“Sit in a normal place. I ordered the photo first,”all after we got to the cafeteria.

He sat in front of me after ordering soto and iced tea as usual. Her eyes showed she was waiting for me to tell her about the incident. But I want to tease him. I pretended not to understand with those eyes.

“No need to pretend,”tapnya with a look of annoyance. His forehead in his watch shriveled and his eyes turned like an owl.

I put on a face not understanding with the meaning of his words. He snorted to see it. I laughed because he seemed to be really upset.

“We're better. Everything is done. May doesn't hate me or you. He's even glad we're close,”my story.

“Serious?”tanyanya was not sure. He folded his chest in front and narrowed his eyes. “Keep why are you crying?”ask him further.

I looked into his eyes. “Iya. I cried because I was moved by his words. If he knew you'd be this happy, he'd want to stop approaching you early. That's said.”

The son turned his gaze which had also looked me in the eye to the iced tea in front of him. Then he said “Ohh.”

“Oh doang?”my many. My voice slightly raised.

“Keep I have to tell you what it is?”askalanya.

I sipped the soto sauce in front of me, then looked at him. “You know he loves you?”

The son looked careless because of my words. “You know that I love you too?”he looked back at me while looking at my two eyes. There's a twinkle of light there.

My face flushed with her honest words. “Tau,”answort.

“Ya. I love you. You also love me,”return again. There was no awkwardness and nervousness at all.

“Loh did I ever say baby?”my reply. I smiled witfully and he replied with a face of disbelief.

“Indeed I was just a darling,”reply. His face was like he was disappointed.

I changed my face to be more serious and regretful. “Home. Babe kok kas.”

“How dear?”

I shut up for a moment and looked into his eyes. I formed a smile on my face.

“Until I get back here.”

“Still,”reply.

“For?”

“I too. Thank you for loving me.”

For the umpteenth time. I feel happy today too. Being honest is one of the keys to happiness. Because when you are honest, love will also be honest. You will be happy. He will be happy too. It's beautiful to live if you keep this up.

*****

I woke up from a nap because my head felt heavy and like it was being stabbed. I felt it again, this headache. I immediately took the medicine my mother prescribed. The pain is less, but only a little. Maybe this is the end of my journey. Before I go back, I want to say goodbye to him first. Today Putra has a scout meeting after school. I also went straight home. It's a little weird because I usually spend a few hours first with him. I'm sending him a message to meet him on the bridge across the alleyway from his house tonight.

Evening has arrived. I've been here since 15 minutes ago, enjoying the night view of this city. As usual, the streets are not crowded. Only a few street lights are visible. The sky looks full of stars tonight. The wind is not as strong as usual, but still cool. I wear jeans, a white T-shirt, and my beloved black jacket. I let my hair be dyed. I wear glasses to cover my eyes. Not for enduring the pain in my head, but considering this was the last day I saw her. Why do I have such a feeling.

I heard footsteps approaching me and stopped right beside me. I turned my eyes to her. He wears black jeans and a plain long brown t-shirt. Her hair covered part of her forehead. He doesn't do his hair. He smiled at me.

“But I came 10 minutes earlier than the appointment. Turns out you're here,”take it.

I smiled hearing his grunt.

“Try to see the sky. Beautiful.”

He turned his eyes to the sky. He smiled at how beautiful the sky was tonight. “I'm glad to see it with you,”tapnya while looking me in the eye. A happy full face was painted there. I am not willing to ruin that happiness.

The pain in my head is getting worse and worse. I have to say it right away. “Adhikari, listen carefully yes and do not cut. Lately I've been so happy that I want to be greedy. God would hate me if I did. You are a very special person and will continue to be like that. Me. I. I love you very much. Whether you exist or not, I still love you. I'm sorry for not thinking about your feelings and being more concerned about my wishes. Your happiness is in me. So do I, my happiness is with you. Thank you for making me a special person and thank you for loving me. I can feel that love. And. I'm happy... You should know that. And that's because of you. Thank you.”

Succeeds. I managed to say it without crying. I was determined not to cry. I don't want to make this farewell sad. Although it is actually sad.

The son just kept quiet and kept looking at me. His face looked sad and his eyes were red. Tears flowed down his cheeks. I was astonished and confused. What made her cry? Before I asked, he pulled me into his arms, drowning his head in my shoulder. He sobbed and hugged me tighter. I returned his embrace and patted his back. I still wonder why the Son is crying. However, everything was answered.

“Do not go. Don't go,”he's still sobbing. I can no longer hold back my tears. “Sorry, but.. but.. I want you here. I'm sorry.”The son kept repeating the apology in his stuff. I tightened my arms at him and sobbed. How am I gonna get back like this?

I looked at the road in front of me and also looked at it occasionally. I can't read his face. I can't conclude his feelings. He still focused his gaze on the road while grasping my right hand. Not once removed. Sometimes he tightened his grip as if afraid that I would suddenly disappear from before him.

“You already know. Since when?”I tried to break this silence.

He did not immediately reply, but tightened his grasp back. He breathed, then looked at me. “Since the beginning.”

I was surprised to hear that. Has he been pretending all this time?

“I'm not pretending. I'm honest with my feelings. You... You're not in the past.” He answered as if he knew my thoughts.

You mean not in the past? “Keep me where?”my many.

“It's like in a dreamland, but it's real,” he replied. She's staring. His eyes look very sad and watery.

“I still don't understand,”my reply.

“You remember you used to dream that I invited you to go with me?”

“Iya.”

“And at the end of dreams I always leave you,”more.

I remember all those dreams. He'll take me somewhere with him. I got ready and he was waiting for me. But when I was ready, he was no longer there. Then I'll wake up and be disappointed. Sometimes I would cry.

“That's what's going on. But I'm actually real.” He continued his word.

“But the others? The others too..”.

“Only me and Malik are real. This is what will happen if we are both honest.”

I frowned at me. So, I'm actually in a dreamland, not the past? I looked at the Son with a confused face. He tightened his grip and smiled.

“Do not confuse. You'll understand once you wake up,”take it. He let go of his grasp. He pulled my arm and hugged me. “I heard everything you said there. Every time you say you miss me. I want to say I miss you too. When you said you loved me. I also want to say I love you. And finally, I can say it. I miss you a lot too and I love you a lot too, Aira Putri.” He put his chin on my head.

I let go of his embrace and looked into his eyes. I see honesty there. He's not lying at all. “Why just say it now?”

He looked me in the eye and held my shoulder with both hands. “Because I can't say it. I can only make a decision at the end of the journey. Take you or leave you.”

“And you always leave me.”I cut the explanation.

He reached my right finger and grabbed it. “Because a lot of people love you there. I can't bear to rob your parents of happiness.” He turned his body facing the road, then turned his head to the sky. My hand is still he holds. “Because your parents' happiness is with you. I can't trade my happiness for your parents' happiness.”

Silent. We were both busy with our own thoughts. I know it. My happiness is with my parents as well. I love them so much and I do everything I can to make them happy.

“In addition, your time is still running. At first, I wanted to explain everything that happened to you. Stop confusing you and be the only one who does not understand the situation that happened first.” He stopped the story. He looked at me to see my face. She wiped away the tears that ran down my cheeks. “Then, I'll leave you as before.” Her tears are flowing. He's letting.

“Then why didn't you sell it?”my many.

“Because on the first day we spent together, I felt so happy. Then I became greedy. Same asyou. I also want to spend more time with you.”

My tears can't stop flowing. We had the same feeling, but we were never together. Why is our fate so sad?

“Then how about now?”tanyaku.

The son gently rubbed my head before he pitched his head to the sky. Then divert it to the streets that are only passed by a few vehicles.

“Aira, the Aira I love so much. If you look at the sky and there are bright, flickering stars like you are listening to your story and with you, it is me. In the sky there are no stars. Then you close your eyes and it's like seeing a star watching you. That'sme. I will be with you like the sky in the day and the stars in the night.” She's staring. He tried to smile, but the tears came out.

“You will leave me again?”I just hold his hand.

“You know I love you very much. I'm happy to see you happy. Your time is still running.” He held both of my hands with both of his hands. Then took her to his chest. “I promise. In the next life, I won't leave you this soon. I'll hold your hand like this and won't let go.”

“Am I going to be happy?”my many.

“You will be happy,”he replied.

“Can I love someone else again?”

“You will love others again.”

“Are you going to be okay?”

“Iya. I'll be fine. I'm happy if you're happy. Just remember that. But in the next life, I will not let you have someone else.”

I let go of my hand that was held. I rubbed the tears that were growing more and more flowing with my hands. He chuckles at her. “Here I hug again,”tapnya, then pull me into his arms.

I put my feelings out there. It hurts so bad this chest. I don't even feel any pain in my head anymore. A sense of fate, but can't blame it. I can only take it and let it go. “I love you. I love you.” I kept repeating that sentence because that's what I wanted to say to her all along. He tightened his arms and patted my back slowly.

“I love you too,”reply and her voice trembled. She's still crying, too. Same as me.

Everything is clear. What I have been asking all along has been answered. What I wanted to do I did with him. What I wanted to say I said, too. All I wanted a long time ago was a confession.

I told myself that I would live my life like everyone else after hearing his confession. But, can I live well after hearing it? Farewell like any shape will still hurt. I might not be able to heal right away. I'll probably walk slow. But I will try to live happily. Because then he will be happy too. My first love that had to end with a tombstone. Thank you for giving me such a beautiful memory even for a moment. I will try harder to be happy.