Go home

Homesickness Jakarta

Renjana Kanya's

This house no longer feels as warm as I felt while living with my father and... Hah, it's hard to call the figure of the woman as mama. There were still feelings of pain that plagued my heart as well as my mind. Two years passed, but the pain did not go away even though I had gone as far away from this city as possible. More precisely from this house.

There is nothing wrong with my hometown. The wrong thing is just an event that causes injuries that make it difficult for me to breathe if I remember it. Even now I am pulled back by time to remember the past.

Huft... I exhaled a deep breath before exiting the Son's room at 04:00 a.m. I stared long enough the whitewashed door next to the Son's room. Long ago, it became my room before all the tempests in this house happened.

The corner of my lips was drawn as the memory teased my head. I always smile cynically if I remember how selfish the adults were to sacrifice the happiness of their children. Their love is most sacred and no one can defeat it including their own child.

Sounds cruel, right? Wouldn't parents do anything to make their children happy? That doesn't happen in this family. They prefer to seek their own happiness and force their young to fly from the nest. Like a mother eagle teaches her children to fly by overturning the nest from a height. While under the nest, various sharp rocks are ready to welcome the child's body at any time. Without thinking about the risks if one day the children could fall, then die.

Just take the bright side. Doesn't that make the eagle as a great aviator. Sometimes those voices come into my head. Talking about the holy grail of a life that is not easy to pass. But again I am just a child who sometimes still needs parental advice even though I deny it.

Huft... I breathe again. Letting my lungs fill with oxygen before it eventually becomes CO2. I stepped down the stairs. My job is done. Now is the time to charge, what payment can be given the man for the recovery of his son.

The couple was still sitting in the family room hugging. I don't know what they're waiting for. Ah yes, of course the news of how the child's condition after my arrival. How could I forget something so important to him. Or just for them now?

"I don't like pleasantries. What do you offer to pay me? I don't accept cheap pay," I said making the woman beside the man take a sharp glance. I laughed cynically in response.

Is this what he calls kangen? My mind is in my heart.

"I can give you anything you want, son." Even hearing him call me son, makes my ears feel hot. I'm not his son and I never want to consider him a father.

"Perced My Mother. Let us live without dealing with your families anymore" I asked to make the atmosphere even colder to cover us.

"Her..." The woman finally made a sound despite just calling my name. But I know enough that he's holding back his anger. I know best how that woman will behave. "Mama can't, son."

I smiled at the woman's answer. The same day I left this house, she said the same thing. She was already pregnant and loved the man she was about to marry. What's the reason this time? Is the same thing repeated? Seeing how pale the woman was, I was sure that this time getting pregnant would be the reason the woman could not leave her husband.

"Your mother is pregnant with my child, Kanya. If that's what you want, I can grant you when this baby is born," Eka said to make me squint.

"Mas, you promised me you wouldn't leave me again."

"There's nothing I can do but grant Kanya's request, Sukma. He saved the son."

The tip of my lips twitched as I saw their romance drama in front of me. How ironic. When the woman is unable to leave her man, the man intends to go from the woman for the sake of her child. For the promise that has been said if he will do anything when the Son is healed after my coming.

"But I can't, Mom. Kanya, please understand Mama's feelings."

"Huh, do you really want to understand my feelings? Human nature is giving. If you don't want to understand my feelings, why should I understand you? Oh, I know. Indeed, I will never be able to repay the time and energy you began to conceive, give birth, to take care of me until now, but is not it the duty of a mother? Is that how I should understand all of your feelings when marrying the father of my loved one as well?"

"Sure, Mama still can't leave Papa Eka, son."

The woman insisted. I can only smile cynically. Now I know from where my stubborn and enslaved nature of love is declining.

"Whether it's your decision, don't ever look for it or ask me to come home. I know you secretly sent people to spy on me. If you keep deciding together, let me get away from your lives," I said trying to hide the shakes that began to tear at my throat. My eyes are getting hot. Before it really rained, I decided to leave. "I'm sorry. Don't tell my son that I accompanied him last night."

With a face full of tears, I left the house. In this kind of fatigue, I suddenly miss Jakarta with all the complexity and suffocating human wilderness. I've already decided. Today I'm going back to the capital with Aldo and spending the rest of my days walking through the always crowded city.

***

Aldo looked at me in wonder as we were inserted in the living room of the Almira house. The man had just come from the kitchen when he saw the mineral water in his hand. His face hesitated when he asked me where I was from early in the morning. It's not even 05:00 in the morning. It was still dark outside and the first rays of sunlight were not yet visible.

"Pamit is the same house man if today I go back to Mas Aldo," I replied then when the man asked.

"There's something I need to do, Mom. It can't be if the body is still here, but the mind is everywhere. Still not hunted Mas Aldo if looking for tickets now?"

"I'm trying to help. Btw, don't call Aldo again. The name has a pretty dark history. Call Araz if Alcatraz is too long."

"Oh yeah? Then I just wanted to call Aldo" I said I was starting to feel better.

On the way back to Almira's house I didn't stop crying. Meet Aldo and greet each other a little treat pain that suddenly comes peeking.

"Well, don't dong" said Aldo with his face that looked cute. I unconsciously laughed when I saw her. A bit of sadness vanished from my heart when the man smiled. "It turns out you're getting pretty when you laugh."

"Eh?"

Aldo's smile expands. He patted my head before entering the room. "I'll get you a plane ticket, so you can get ready."

"Thank you, Mas," I replied clumsily treated sweetly so suddenly.

***

It was almost 07:00 in the morning when I finished packing. A night of no sleep makes my body feel tired. I skipped breakfast because my stomach was uncomfortable. If forced it will only make me drunk during the trip. Thus, I often travel on an empty stomach to avoid motion sickness land, sea or air if overeating.

Almira helped me pack up even with a little drama if she didn't want to be left with a face almost crying her mainstay when she was about to part with someone. She was only really willing to leave when I promised to come back if she gave birth later. That means about three more months.

While Damar miraculously had a big smile on me when we passed by in the dining room. Even when I say goodbye he hugged me for a long time.

"If you grow up to be an eagle, you will still be beautiful in your own way. Sori if my nature is childish yes. I'm not lo, how can I say by myself you have to this-that," said Damar at length while hugging me. Damar's warm embrace made me realize that my best friend had really come back. "Btw, I found the address of Arez's house in Bandung from a friend Mapala first. If you can play around, go there. I'll send WA."

"Thanks, Bro. If you someday want to non-jok me because it is difficult to move on too, just a tonjok. Maybe I could realize later that it was wrong."

My words were met with laughter by Damar. Aldo and I were really quiet as the clock moved to 07:00. If you do not leave immediately, you can miss the flight considering the distance to the airport takes four hours.

"Mas Aldo, pick Kanya up. Keep it safe until the destination" Almira said as the man was about to get in the car. He retreated again and stood clumsily in front of Almira and Damar.

"Ehm, I was mistaken when I introduced myself as Aldo to Kanya, so, you can call me Alcatraz or Araz. That's my real name, not Aldo's," the man explained making Almira and Damar frown. They look at each other.

"Well what's the difference? Aldo's a good name too" Almira's comment made me laugh.

"Aldo means Alcatraz Dodol, Mir. She's..."

Before I could continue my sentence, Aldo had already silenced my mouth and pulled my body into the car. The man immediately asked Mr. Pras to drive the car without saying goodbye to Damar and Almira.

"Click, let's not leak anything about Aldo okay. That's a disgrace" said the man. I can only laugh.

"Why, isn't it funny?"

"Where is. Know where the hell you are, didn't I tell you about Aldo?"

I just sniffed my shoulders. This morning I had a message to Mas Hanung and asked him why Araz was called Aldo. Didn't expect that man would divulge his own friend's secret. And seeing Araz's misbehavior made me laugh even more satisfied. That guy looks adorable in my eyes.

If so, how can I not miss Jakarta more? There are people who are always able to share laughter even though the distance is separating. Also various stories that can only be found while in the heart of this island nation.

My smile expands. Jakarta is not home, but it can always be a place to go home. Ah, is that so? I don't know, home and home are not easy things to conclude. At least I still have a place to anchor all the restless and tired.